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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22537735">Brave New World</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/neojedigoddess/pseuds/neojedigoddess'>neojedigoddess</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>3 Dads and a Nephilim, Alternative realities, Awesome Jody Mills, Castiel and Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester are Jack Kline's Parents, Chuck is NOT a bad guy, Crowley is still dead sorry, Cute Jack Kline, F/M, Found Family, Helpful Rowena MacLeod, Jack is a sweet nougat boy, Mentions of Cancer, NOT Dabbnatural, No Dichael, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Reality Hopping, References to Depression, Slow Burn, non-canon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 13:35:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>63,551</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22537735</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/neojedigoddess/pseuds/neojedigoddess</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gwen Baylor was dying of cancer and Supernatural was a television show. At least it was until she woke up in a new reality and in the body of that reality's Gwen Baylor. Now she has to learn how to deal with her new lease on life in a world she only ever knew as fiction and sharing a mind and body with another version of herself who holds the heart of the one and only Dean Winchester.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>88</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I swear this story is not a crack fic at all. It breaks from canon just before Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox but the major change in canon happens about midway through the season 13 finale. Apocalypse World Michael never crossed over and Lucifer is trapped over there. Seasons 14 and 15 DID NOT HAPPEN but I do take a few elements.</p><p>Also, I know my OFC has the same name as the OFC in my fic Of the Many Paths but it's NOT the same character, I'm just awful at picking out names. Sorry.</p><p>Please please please comment if you'd like to see more.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>To say Gwen woke up confused was a severe understatement. Quite possibly the most severe understatement in the history of severe understatements.</p><p> </p><p>Thanks to all the pain medications and whatever else the hospital had her on, she'd been in and out of consciousness so her sense of time was very hazy. She understood that her cancer fight was coming to its end after 3 long years and had a vague memory of the doctors saying something about intubation because they didn't like her oxygen levels. Dr. Kayaleh had asked her if she'd thought about her DNR. </p><p> </p><p>But whatever was going on wouldn't explain this.</p><p> </p><p>It was night but the moon was full so she could see that she wasn't in her hospital room. She wasn't in her bed with it's alternating pressure pad to keep her from getting bedsores with the quilt that Nurse Anita made for her because she was always cold. She wasn't even in the hospital. She was on the ground, sitting at the base of a tree, it's bark biting into her back, leaves and grass under her hands.. The air was cool but not freezing and felt clean and fresh as she inhaled. She could smell trees and dirt, not sanitizer. She only heard the sounds of the forest at night, not the squeak of shoes on the waxed floor, not hushed voices in the hallway, not the loose wheel of that one blood pressure machine that occasionally made its way into her room.</p><p> </p><p>This couldn't be right, she hadn't been outside in weeks. She hadn't been able to walk on her own in even longer but somehow it looked like she was alone in the woods and dressed in regular clothes. Not pajamas, not a hospital gown. It was dark but she could see she was wearing jeans and sneakers. She raised her arm, marvelling that it didn't hurt to move and saw she was wearing a long sleeved shirt.</p><p> </p><p>She felt her hand shaking as she felt the area just below her collarbone, above her left breast. The lump that was her port wasn't there. She put her hand under the shirt under the long sleeved one and practically groped herself. The port wasn't there. She couldn't feel anything but smooth skin and what felt like a regular bra. How long had it been since she'd worn anything but a loose sports bra? How the hell did she have full breasts again? She'd lost so much weight, especially in the last year. It was a miracle if she was over 100 pounds. It didn't feel like that anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Reaching to her face, there was no oxygen cannula, no feeding tube. She'd been on both for weeks. Her cheeks weren't sunken in. With her tongue, she was able to feel no gaps where the chemo had caused several teeth to fall out, nevermind the numerous and neverending mouth sores were nowhere to be found. She reached up and gasped at the feel of a full head of hair, not a kerchief or smooth scalp. She'd almost forgotten what it was like to have hair, nevermind hair so long and thick.</p><p> </p><p>How the hell was any of this happening?</p><p> </p><p>Then she heard it. Or rather didn't. The forest noises around her had gone dead silent. She snapped her fingers twice to check that she hadn't somehow gone suddenly deaf. She'd been afraid of losing one of her senses like poor Matt, a fellow patient whose brain tumor caused him to go blind.</p><p> </p><p>A few moments later there was the growl.</p><p> </p><p>It was a low, deep menacing snarling growl and not from a housecat or a dog. This was something else, something bigger and much more dangerous. There was something to be said for primal instinct. Everything in her was telling her to get as far away as she could from whatever had made that growl.</p><p> </p><p>What the fuck could she do? Was she dreaming? This had to be a dream. They gave her stronger medications for the intubation and she was tripping out. How else could the rest of the forest be so silent?</p><p> </p><p>The growl again and the sound of breaking branches and rustling leaves. Whatever it was, it was huge and moving toward her very quickly.</p><p> </p><p>If she was dreaming, maybe she could get up and run.</p><p> </p><p>Run where? This thing sounded like it was moving like a freight train at warp speed.</p><p> </p><p>She managed to get up, nearly falling over in the shock at how much it didn't hurt to move, to be standing on her own two feet without clinging to a nurse, a walker or an IV stand.</p><p> </p><p>That shock was soon replaced by another as whatever was coming at her stepped up it's game and roared like nothing she'd ever heard before. At least in real life and not in a movie. She screamed involuntarily in terror, her hands covering her ears as she cowered. She did NOT like this dream!</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Wake up! Wake up! WAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUP!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“HEY!” Another voice, a confident man, young by the sound of it.</p><p> </p><p>Whatever it was shifted in the bushes. It was so close as it roared again and she shrieked, squeezing her eyes shut. She did not want to see what was about to happen. There was no way she'd be able to escape whatever it was.</p><p> </p><p>Then suddenly there was a change in pressure, her ears popped and what felt like every hair on her body stood on end like she was filled with static electricity. The thing that roared made what sounded like a confused death cry and there was a sick squelching sound and a thud.</p><p> </p><p>Her shaking hands left her ears and she hazarded to look around. She couldn't see anything except the trees and bushes. What the fuck was going on? Whatever these drugs were, when she woke up, she was going to tell them no more. This was too overwhelming. She could just imagine that the various machines she was no doubt attached to were setting off every alarm. She could feel her heart pounding and her blood racing. She was near dizzy from the adrenalin. Had she ever had a dream this vivid and detailed before?</p><p> </p><p>“Mom? Mom are you out there? Can you hear me?”</p><p> </p><p>The voice sounded familiar but she couldn't place it. She couldn't think straight, none of this made sense. Someone was looking for their mother out here? What kind of dream was this?</p><p> </p><p>She didn't know what else to do but it didn't seem like she was waking up any time soon. Jimmy hadn't said anything about having trippy dreams from the chemo or any of the other medications he was on, why was she?</p><p> </p><p>“Hello?” She said, her voice sounding just as shaky as she felt. “I'm over here.” She wasn't anyone's mother but maybe this person could help her or it would help end this nightmare and wake up to the one she was more familiar with.</p><p> </p><p>There was a glowing light, probably from a flashlight to her left. “Sam! Dean! Over here! I found her.”</p><p> </p><p>Wait.</p><p> </p><p>Wait.</p><p> </p><p>Sam? Dean? Now she knew the young voice. At least she thought she did. It sounded like the voice of Alexander Calvert, the actor who played Jack on Supernatural.</p><p> </p><p>She was dreaming.</p><p> </p><p>A Supernatural dream.</p><p> </p><p>She let out a big breath, almost laughing to herself but still too freaked out to actually do it. That would explain the roaring. She was having a messed up Supernatural dream and whatever that thing had been was probably a friggin' Wendigo or some other monster from the show. Whatever it was no doubt represented the cancer and this was how her mind was putting everything together.</p><p> </p><p>The light came out of the bushes and instead of being from a flashlight, it was the raised and glowing hand of exactly who she thought it was, the character of Jack from the show. It wasn't the actor, since she was pretty sure his hands didn't glow. “I found you!” Then he did something she didn't expect. He rushed over and pulled her into his arms, hugging her tight. “You're safe, I found you.”</p><p> </p><p>She didn't know what to do so she awkwardly hugged him back until he let go. He had a big smile on his face and for some reason it was directed at her. She blinked up at him, dumbfounded. She could actually feel his hands resting on her arms, the way he had hugged her in almost an enthusiastic relief. “This is the most intense dream I have ever had.”</p><p> </p><p>“You aren't dreaming, you are awake.” He said confused, his brow furrowing.</p><p> </p><p>She took a small step back, still in shock at her freedom of movement. “No, I'm dreaming. Maybe this is the end, my final neurons giving me something to drift off to or something.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jack?”</p><p> </p><p>That sounded like Dean.</p><p> </p><p>“Over here!” He turned his head and called out only to have two figures come through the same bushes he had.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen was impressed with her neurons or the drugs or both. This was incredibly detailed. She literally felt like she was in the show Supernatural and she was facing Sam and Dean Winchester in all their flannel wearing glory. Unlike Jack, they were carrying flashlights and what looked like flareguns. So it had been a wendigo.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you get it?”</p><p> </p><p>Jack nodded proudly. “There's one less Wendigo in the world. It was a close call. But she thinks she's dreaming? Is that shock?”</p><p> </p><p>“Could be.” Sam said with a dismissive shrug before letting out a heaving relieved sigh before turning to look at her with what seemed to be happy familiarity. “I can't even tell you how good it is to see you Gwen!” How did he know her?</p><p> </p><p>Then out of nowhere, like Jack had, Dean came over and yanked her into his arms a bit more fiercely, his one hand cradling the back of her head. “Thank Chuck we found you. We got that warlock son of a bitch, don't worry. Everything's gonna be just fine now. I got you.”</p><p> </p><p>In that moment, she actually did feel a bit content. It was always nice to be hugged but this hug felt incredibly intimate with her head tucked under his chin like it was. His arms were like vices around her, there was no hesitance in his touch and she could feel the almost shaky tension in his body. Breathing in she could smell a woodsy type cologne or aftershave and something slightly acrid, like gunpowder. She only knew that smell from visiting historical reenactments. A hint of something else, probably whiskey or bourbon considering the character.</p><p> </p><p>This dream was intense in it's detail. It was incredibly realistic but she knew it was just an overactive imagination and lots of drugs. Buckets of drugs at this rate. At least it was a dream that kinda made sense and not one that left you feeling very confused and troubled by the imagery your brain was capable of. Small favors. How many millions had dreamed of being rescued by the Winchesters? Now she was one of them.</p><p> </p><p>When he pulled back, he must have seen the confusion in her face. “Sweetheart, what's wrong? Are you hurt?”</p><p> </p><p>How did she answer that? “I don't know how to answer that. I mean, this isn't real. It can't be.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why can't it be real Gwen?” Sam asked, sharing a concerned look with Dean.</p><p> </p><p>“Well for one, I'm having a very intense lucid dream about a television show and two, I'm dying. The fact that I'm even standing on my own proves this isn't real.”</p><p> </p><p>That made all three men startle.</p><p> </p><p>“Dying?” Jack stepped forward. “Mom, you aren't dying. I saved you.”</p><p> </p><p>Wait, he was calling HER mom? He'd been looking for her in the woods to begin with? Was this dream having something to do with the fact she never had kids and then the cancer took away her ability to even if she had wanted to? She wished she'd paid closer attention in psychology when it got to dream interpretation.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait wait. Why would you think you are dying?” Dean spoke up, his hands gripping her shoulders in concern and what almost seemed like a touch of panic. “Did the dickwad warlock do something to you? What makes you think that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because I have leukemia. I haven't left the hospital in weeks, nevermind to end up in the woods like I was on Supernatural. Obviously a dream. They probably intubated me and the drugs are messing with my head.”</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck did that bastard do to her?” Dean growled, immediately running his hands over her head, neck and arms. “I can't see any runes, hexbags or anything.” He looked back into her eyes. “You do not have leukemia Gwen. You never have. You are not dying. Not on my fucking watch. Sam, help me out here!”</p><p> </p><p>“Dean, calm down, we'll figure this out.” Sam said exasperated with Dean's jump to anger. “Did you say Supernatural?”</p><p> </p><p>Still a bit in shock about the way Dean had matter of factly put his hands all over her and cursed freely, Gwen nodded. Maybe the nurses were moving her or bathing her and her mind just incorporated it. That's what it had to be. “Yeah. The TV show.”</p><p> </p><p>“You've gotta be fucking kidding me.” Dean rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in the air. “This again? What, did he put memories of that stupid show in her head? How'd he even know about a stupid show in a different reality? That was years ago!”</p><p> </p><p>“Dean, stop.” Sam snapped and turned back to her. “Gwen, it's alright. What's the last thing you remember before you ended up out here?”</p><p> </p><p>“Being in my hospital room. I think a nurse was checking my feeding tube.” She absently rubbed at her nose, very much liking that the tiny tube that had been inserted through her nose into her stomach so she could get some kind of nutrition hadn't made it to her dream. “I have leukemia. I'm terminal.” It was something that'd taken her time on her own to get a grip on and accept. Was this dream something to do with that tiny last shred of denial?</p><p> </p><p>“You do not have leukemia!” Dean almost yelled like he was angry at the idea of it, that it was offensive. “How the hell could you get leukemia in a couple days? You are perfectly healthy! We'll get to the car, get Cas to check you out and prove it!”</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you yelling at me?” She asked, now feeling a bit frustrated. Now she kind of understood how Sam felt in so many episodes when Dean had done the same to him. “Do you think I like the fact that I'm dying and tripping like this? I'm very confused and I'm scared and I do not need your bullshit man drama right now!” She'd learned over the last few years that sometimes you had to be assertive, be it with not so gentle nurses or doctors who didn't listen to you. Why did that have to carry over into her dreams?</p><p> </p><p>Sam almost had a smile on his face. “Well you sound a bit more like yourself at least. Come on, let's get out of here and find out why you are so confused. It could be shock or aftereffects of something that was done to you.” He looked to Jack who looked very worried and almost sad. “Jack, buddy, she's fine. It'll be okay.”</p><p> </p><p>The boy nodded, his initial enthusiasm dimmed and his eyes filled with worry. “Are you okay to walk? It's not far.”</p><p> </p><p>She avoided Dean's eyes, not liking that anger, even if it wasn't directed at her but the idea of her dying. She'd gone through that phase already, she didn't need to revisit it. “Yeah. I'm okay. I just don't want to trip.” It had been so long since she'd really walked on her own, nevermind walking in the forest in the middle of the night, even if it was a dream.</p><p> </p><p>“Here. You can use my flashlight. I don't really need it. There's enough moonlight.” Sam handed his to her, his voice gentle. Just like on the show, he was the more empathetic brother. He obviously realized that she was feeling very vulnerable and keeping calm was the best way to help her. She recognized the behavior not just from the show but from some of her favorite nurses and doctors over the last few years.</p><p> </p><p>“Considering all the time you guys spend in dark houses and the woods, you probably have great night vision.” She murmured as Jack led the way, his hand glowing yet again. Sam walked beside her with his hand resting gently on her shoulder and Dean behind. She could almost feel his anger and she couldn't explain it, she just knew he was scowling at this whole situation.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Jack POV</strong>
</p><p>Jack was very confused. He'd done very well he thought, taking down the Wendigo. He was glad he'd gotten to it before it had gotten to Gwen. He didn't understand why she insisted she was dreaming or why she thought she was dying. She looked very healthy to him. He'd been afraid how they would find her given how the warlock had taunted she was already dead. He had a vague idea of what this TV show she mentioned was, he knew Sam and Dean had been thrown into an alternate dimension where their lives had been the plot of a TV show. That had been years before he was born and years before they had even met Gwen.</p><p> </p><p>What bothered him was the way she was so stiff when he hugged her. She had never reacted like that, she'd been the first person to ever hug him. She was always very tactile and affectionate, it had always been such a comfort to him. Now, the way she acted, it was like she didn't know him. How could that be? She'd known him when he was in the womb, he'd reached out to her like he had to Castiel. She'd promised Kelly that she'd help keep him safe. She was there when he was born and had always been there.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen's gasp made him turn to see her looking in the direction of the Impala. “Oh wow this dream is so awesome now.” She murmured, a soft smile on her lips. “Hi Baby, hello girl! She's more amazing than I even imagined. Or well, thought I could even imagine. Wow.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean's brow furrowed. “So you remember the car?” For once, Dean didn't seem proud of the Impala and that was strange. He treated the car almost like it was a person.</p><p> </p><p>“Everyone knows who Baby is and all her little details.”</p><p> </p><p>“Like what, Gwen?” Sam asked, raising his hand to Dean in a gesture for patience. Sam had to use that gesture a lot.</p><p> </p><p>“Your initials carved in the back from when you were kids. The legos crammed into the heating vent. It's the car that helped stop the Apocalypse.” She moved around the car almost hesitant but with reverence. “There's a full arsenal in the trunk. Dean's rebuilt her practically a dozen times but refuses to update anything so she still has a tape deck.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>She reached out to touch the car that stood out in the open space it had been parked in thanks to the moonlight above. She was unable to help herself as leaned down to look inside the iconic vehicle and gasped as her mind was flooded with images that weren't from the show but almost like memories. Laughing with Sam as Dean dramatically sang along to Queen like a total fool. Yelling in the backseat for them to go faster, holding an unconscious Jack to her and murmuring he was going to be okay. Looking over Sam's shoulder in the passenger seat while he went over details for a case. Falling asleep and resting her head on Dean's shoulder while he drove, his arm tucked around her waist, his hand resting heavy on her hip.</p><p> </p><p>“Mom!” Jack reached her first and kept her from collapsing to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“Why, why do you keep calling me mom?” She murmured, her hand to her head as she tried to make sense of what felt like memories but couldn't be. She was overwhelmed trying to make sense of all of this. What the hell kind of medication could they have given her to make this dream so trippy?</p><p> </p><p>“Because you are my mom. You promised my mother Kelly you would take care of me. You were holding her hand when I was born.” He gently helped her to lean against the car but it was clear he was feeling emotional from the sound of his voice. “Why don't you remember me?”</p><p> </p><p>“I just know you from the show, I don't know anything else. I'm sorry.” She murmured, feeling bad for hurting him even if it was a dream. She'd always liked the character and his sweet innocence, especially when he was first introduced. “I don't understand what's going on.”</p><p> </p><p>“CAS! Get your feathery ass out here. Bring Rowena!” Dean demanded in a yell out into the night.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen startled when out of nowhere, Castiel appeared, his one hand holding the wrist of the redheaded witch, Rowena who looked annoyed as hell with a large satchel on her shoulder. So in this dream angels had wings again? Or at least Castiel did? That was different but also convenient.</p><p> </p><p>“Gwennie dear!” Rowena greeted, yanking her wrist from Castiel's grip. She was dressed not in an evening gown like she tended to wear when she'd first been introduced but a long skirt and a sailor cut top. “I'm so glad to see you I'll forgive the angel for zapping me around like he knows I bloody hate! Are you alright love?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't know how to answer that.” Rowena knew her too? Enough to use the nickname that pretty much only her brother and very few other people used? That was kind of strange and comforting at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>“Rowena, Gwen seems to have some kind of amnesia or something. She thinks she's dreaming, that we're all characters in a TV show and she's....that she's dying from leukemia.” Sam explained, stumbling over his words like he didn't want to say them and make them true. Gwen had had trouble herself when she'd been diagnosed, especially since it'd happened right when Jimmy was close to the end.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you see if that warlock managed to put some kind of whammy on her before he got her out here? Find a way to fix it?” Dean asked with a barely restrained frustration and more than a little desperation in his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“I'll do what I can, as I always do. Gwen, love, what do you remember?”</p><p> </p><p>“Before a few minutes ago, just being in the hospital and then waking up sitting in the woods. But when I touched the car just now I got these weird flashes that were like memories but they can't be. They can't. They must have given me some experimental new drug or something. Something that makes my unconscious imagination go into overdrive. They probably don't even realize what it does.”</p><p> </p><p>Rowena looked over her shoulder to Castiel and gave him a nod before reaching out to Jack to gently pull him away. “Let's have Castiel do a wee bit of a look dear. Jack, stay with me. We don't want your grace disrupting things with your mum.”</p><p> </p><p>“She doesn't remember being my mom.” The sadness and confusion in Jack's voice made Gwen feel so guilty but what could she do? It wasn't like she could believably lie and pretend like everything was okay.</p><p> </p><p>“Shh, dove. She will.” Rowena wrapped her arm around Jack's and patted his hand with almost affection. So in this dream she wasn't as hung up on Jack being the son of Lucifer?</p><p> </p><p>Castiel walked over and Gwen couldn't help but shrink back a little. “You aren't going to jam your hand in me looking for my soul or something are you? They always made it look painful on the show.” She didn't want to imagine what could be happening to her body to make her feel that. She didn't want to know just how realistic this dream could be if she was somehow able to feel pain while dreaming. She hadn't signed the DNR so if she coded, they'd try their best to bring her back.</p><p> </p><p>She really didn't want to know how her mind would process being zapped by a defribulator.</p><p> </p><p>Was this her brain's version of a near death experience?</p><p> </p><p>“I don't know what show you are speaking of but checking for a soul is not a pleasant process. I won't be doing that. I wouldn't ever harm you. Please trust me and try to relax.”</p><p> </p><p>He reached up with one hand and like she'd seen him do dozens of times on the show, touched her forehead with his two fingers. She felt a rush of something go over her body, like when you were standing under an air conditioner that just kicked on or had a really cold drink on a hot day. The feeling went all over, right down to her toes. His eyes glowed light blue as he used his power, just like on the show. When he pulled his hand away she let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. “That felt tingly.”</p><p> </p><p>He gave her a slight nod with a bit of a smile before turning to the others. “She does not have leukemia, there is no illness in her body at all. What I did sense was that there was a great deal of magic done to her but it's a jumble to me, it makes no sense. Like there is more Gwen then there was before. I am unfamiliar with this particular use of magic.” He looked to Rowena. “Can you figure out what the warlock did?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I can, Castiel! How can you even ask the question?” She shook her head as she stepped forward. “Dean, open the door for the girl, let her sit down. She's like a leaf!” She turned to Sam and Jack. “Come on boyos, let's set up an area for me to do my work. Over there in the grass should be fine.” She turned to Gwen very gently touching her arm. “Don't you worry a bit, dearie. Just sit and relax with Dean, yes?”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. Thank you?” She couldn't explain it but Gwen felt like she could trust Rowena and it was more than the witch being a favorite character. Like they had a history, a close bond.</p><p> </p><p>Dean moved to open the passenger door, the hinges creaking. Gwen was still overwhelmed by the amount of detail to this dream. “Here, sit down.” He said almost softly, barely putting his hands on her arms to guide her to the seat. He squatted down in front of her, looking up with what seemed like sad affection. “I don't know what this is, but we're going to figure it out and everything is going to be fine.” He took her hand with one of his, easily dwarfing it. “I need you to trust me right now, okay?” He paused before continuing, his voice almost sheepish. “I'm sorry about yelling. I wasn't yelling at you, just the situation. You know how I get when I'm frustrated.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen swallowed, the feel of his hand feeling so goddamn familiar. The weight of it, the bit of roughness thanks to too many graves dug up and years of handling guns and other weapons. She didn't feel any instinct to pull away or be hesitant about someone she just met holding her hand. Was that just part of the dream? Had Castiel really said she didn't have leukemia? How could her mind be so cruel, to have her dream what she knew was impossible? “I'm trying. I'm lowkey freaking at the moment.” She managed to whisper, her eyes looking to Rowena who had pulled out some kind of sheet with what she guessed was magic stuff on it and Jack was lighting candles while Sam was filling some bowl with strange looking herbs.</p><p> </p><p>“Very lowkey, so subtle I barely noticed.” He gently teased, a slight curve to his full lips.That small bit of smile didn't reach his eyes though. Something told her he was struggling as much as she was but was pushing down his own issues for her sake, which he did on the show quite often, usually for Sam's benefit. “While they are getting things ready, what did you see when you touched the car? You said memories? Were they yours?”</p><p> </p><p>She closed her eyes, trying not to think about how soft and comforting he was being with her at the moment or how it felt familiar to be sitting in the Impala. Like she'd done it dozens of times before. Like he'd spoken this low and intimately with her before too. “I don't know. It was stuff that didn't happen on the show. It felt like my perspective but it couldn't be. It doesn't make any sense.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me anyway, we have time.”</p><p> </p><p>“Umm, laughing at you hamming it up while singing to the radio. You were singing to Queen. Looking over Sam's shoulder at his laptop. Something about a case I think? Holding Jack in my arms and yelling for you to drive faster. He was unconscious.” She kept the other flash, where she was all but cuddling Dean as he drove to herself. That was probably just her unconscious giving her a bit of serotonin like it was by having him holding her hand right now. “Does he really think I'm his mom?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sweetheart, we're one not so big, mostly functional family. You're the only mom that Jack has ever really known. He reached out to you when he was in the womb like he did with Cas. Probably the biggest fight you and I ever had was over how I was treating him and not giving him a chance. One of the few times you ever got me to admit I was wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>“That didn't happen on the show.” She whispered, feeling tears threaten because she was confused and hated being confused. How could she be having a dream about a TV show and have it be so different at the same time?</p><p> </p><p>“Our life isn't a show, but you'll know that soon enough once Rowena gets that bad mojo off you or whatever it is. I want to kill that warlock dick again for giving you the idea that you had cancer.”</p><p> </p><p>“It's not an idea,I wish it was. I'm sorry but I've been sick for 3 years and in and out of the hospital. I'm pretty sure that's more than just an idea. I'm on hospice care. Maybe this is just my mind protecting me from the end, I don't know. My doctors have been surprised I've made it this far.”</p><p> </p><p>His jaw clenched and he looked away. “This isn't the end, Gwen. Not for you. Not for us. Not by a longshot.” When he looked back to her, his eyes were so earnest. “I need you to believe me, even if you can't remember me or remember us. It's not the end.”</p><p> </p><p>Us? Did he mean what she thought he did? The way he said that her defense of Jack was the biggest fight they ever had, that they were one big family, the way his hand holding hers felt so familiar, could it be possible? What would Dean Winchester ever see in her?</p><p> </p><p>“I'm trying.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dean? Gwen? We're ready.” Rowena called out.</p><p> </p><p>He gave her a tight smile before standing and without letting go of her hand, pulled her to standing too. He let go of her hand only to put his hand on her back, like he was guiding her but also giving her his support. “Where do you need her?”</p><p> </p><p>“Right here, across from me.” She patted the grass. “Now love, for this spell to work, I need a wee bit of blood.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen sat down, sighed and held out her arm. That had been the one good thing about getting her port. She hadn't had to have her arms all bruised up from needle sticks and Ivs. “This I'm too familiar with.”</p><p> </p><p>What she hadn't expected was what she was used to, the prick of a needle in her arm. No, this was a shallow cut diagonally across her forearm with a small wicked looking knife. She hissed at the pain and tried to pull back her arm but Rowena's hand was tight around her wrist, preventing her from moving it as her blood dripped into what seemed like a shallow white disk. “Just a bit more. There we go.”</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell?! That hurt!” Gwen winced at the sight of the cut when Rowena finally let go of her arm and she was able to pull it back. Dean moved to tie a handkerchief over the cut in an almost practiced motion before just resting his one hand resting on her shoulder in support. Was she getting stuck in real life by a less experienced nurse? She had a port for that, why would they be messing with her arm?</p><p> </p><p>“Aye dearie, magic isn't painless. I've told you that again and again. But I suppose if you can't remember this life, you wouldn't remember that either.” Rowena said almost absently as she placed the disk in the center of the sheet that had candles resting at specific spots in what looked like a pentagram. She murmured words that didn't sound like Latin as she stirred the items Sam had put in the bowl together before grabbing a pinch of the concoction and putting it on the disk where it flared up like green flame when it made contact with her blood.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh hell.” The witch cursed.</p><p> </p><p>“What? What is it? The spell messed up?” Dean immediately inquired his hand squeezed her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Hush Dean. I'm not done yet. It's just directing me where I need to go next.” She turned so now she faced Gwen. “Gwen dear, I need you to sit like I am, with your wrists on your knees. I need you to try and focus on clearing your mind. Can you do that?”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen was hesitant. “Are you gonna cut me again?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no more cutting. I promise you, this won't hurt and you know I wouldn't lie to you.”</p><p> </p><p>A look to Sam, Castiel and Jack saw no doubt in their eyes. All three trusted the witch. She turned her head to look to Dean who looked more concerned about finding out just what was going on. Apparently he trusted her too. “Okay.” She turned and sat like she was instructed. “Now what?”</p><p> </p><p>“Close your eyes and relax. Let yourself drift. Dean, I need you to step back so your energy doesn't interfere with hers.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen felt Dean's hand leave her shoulder as she closed her eyes. She dreaded what happened next. Would she wake up back in her hospital room, the memory of the dream fading? Or was this the end and she was moments from dying and all she would see was black before nothingness? She tried to relax, to just focus on that strange but comforting feeling of relaxing with Dean while he was driving. That wouldn't be a bad thing to go out to.</p><p> </p><p>She felt smooth fingers touch her temples and smelled the faint hint of sage before Rowena began to chant in yet another strange language with more of a commanding tone. Gwen felt another rush like she had with Castiel but it was only in her head and it felt like heat. Was this what dying felt like? Rownea's voice grew more demanding and though her eyes were closed, the candlelight had increased enough so she could see it through her eyelids.</p><p> </p><p>Then flashes again. The sound of Dean calling her name in worry. Sam laughing at something. The smell of old books. Feeling utterly relieved and hugging Jack. Throwing a bloody shirt into the garbage with frustration. Sitting on the shore of a lake with Kelly Kline and Castiel.</p><p> </p><p>“Keena VOS!” Rowena bellowed and suddenly everything went dark.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Dean POV</strong>
</p><p>“Gwen? Gwen, wake up! It's okay, you're safe. Wake up.” Dean entreated, having managed to catch Gwen as she fell back so she didn't hit the ground. The final part of whatever spell Rowena had been doing had led to the two women being shoved apart almost by something invisible. He had no way to know if the spell was supposed to do that or not.</p><p> </p><p>Sam had managed to get to the witch before she could hit the ground and was doing his best to try and wake her as well. “Rowena? Come on.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sweetheart, wake up for me, please?” Dean focused on Gwen, hoping that whatever that spell was that it worked or did what it wa supposed to. In his life as a hunter, he knew more often than not, magic did whatever it wanted.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyelids fluttered and she groaned a little. “Mmm, I like that you keep calling me sweetheart. That's nice.”</p><p> </p><p>He let out the breath he didn't know he was holding, thanking Chuck even though he knew the absent deity had nothing to do with it. “You always said it's creepy when adults call each other baby.”</p><p> </p><p>“It is.” Her eyes opened, looking up at him. Those blue eyes ruled his world in ways he probably still didn't understand even years later. “Did it work?”</p><p> </p><p>“How do you feel?”</p><p> </p><p>She took a deep breath. “I'm still here.” Her brow furrowed. “I don't understand. Am I still dreaming?”</p><p> </p><p>Dean tried not to let the disappointment he felt show but he had a feeling that was a losing battle. He couldn't control the slump in his shoulders at her continued confusion. “You aren't dreaming Gwen.” He looked to where Rowena was starting to regain consciousness in Sam's arms. He was still weirded out to a degree about the way his brother had kind of bonded with the witch that had tried to kill them so many times and that he was destined to kill someday. Somehow it worked. She actually listened to him. “Sammy?”</p><p> </p><p>“She's waking up.” He moved to help Rowena sit up more, murmuring for her to take it easy. “Did the spell work? What did it tell you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ach. It's told me that you should have killed that ponce just for thinking he was a warlock at all. Bloody toad was trying to do a spell he had no business doing and bollocked it all up.” She shook her head, wincing a bit. Whatever the spell to figure that out was, it'd taken a bit out of the Scottish witch as well.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean? What spell did he do? Can we reverse it?” Dean asked, carefully helping Gwen to sit up, encouraging her to lean against him. The way she was slumped, he had a feeling she didn't have much of a choice. Rowena wasn't exactly peppy either actually letting Sam hold her. Just what had that dick tried to do and how badly had he messed it up? Was Gwen still in danger? Was this almost amnesia crap permanent?</p><p> </p><p>“No, it can't be reversed but we can be thankful that he didn't succeed in what he planned.”</p><p> </p><p>“What did he plan? What did he do?” Jack spoke up. He and Castiel were standing nearby but not so close that their graces would interfere with Rowena's magic.</p><p> </p><p>“Jack, hold on a second. Grab some water from the car. Give them both a second to orientate.” Castiel calmly instructed. He knew giving the kid something to do to help would distract him from his understandable worry about Gwen.</p><p> </p><p>Jack dashed to the car, all but diving into it to grab a couple bottles of water from the cooler in the back. He brought the first one to Gwen, going so far as to open it for her. Always the dutiful adopted son. “Here Mom.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen took the bottle with hands that were trembling but only slightly. “Thank you, Jack.” She murmured.</p><p> </p><p>Jack beamed with hope before moving over to give the other bottle to Rowena, the witch thanking him affectionately.</p><p> </p><p>“Easy. Don't shock your system. Magic can mess with you.” Dean said softly as Gwen took careful sips of the water. “Better?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mmm, yeah.” She looked up at him. “None of this makes sense to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” She had had a hard time when they first met too, her introduction to their life coming as it did for so many, with violence. But she'd endured and fought to understand this world that she'd always lived in but never knew was there. She could do the same again. People recovered from amnesia or whatever this shit was. She could do that.</p><p> </p><p>She had to.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, easiest way to explain this is that what he attempted to do to our Gwen was to effectively swap her soul with her counterpart from another reality. I canna guess what his goal was but if he was trying to do it with a Gwen that was in a hospital dying of cancer, you can connect the dots.”</p><p> </p><p>“Put our Gwen in a dying body. That son of a bitch! I really want to kill him again.” Dean growled. He knew that weasel had died much too quickly and didn't suffer enough for what he had done even though he didn't know it at the time. Anyone who messed with Gwen needed to suffer but he'd been so angry he'd ended it much too quick. There had been no time, they had to find her.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, you said attempted. So he didn't succeed? So what did he manage to do?” Sam asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Somehow, he pulled that Gwen to our reality and now well, that body now has both Gwens.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, what?” Gwen asked, sitting up more on her own. “Both? I'm just me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aye, but you are having flashes of memory that don't seem real, aren't you? You are in a healthy whole body now. Far from that hospital bed.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, what about our Gwen though? Is it like a possession?” Sam asked.</p><p> </p><p>“No, not a possession. They'll meld eventually, coexist at the very least. From what I could assess, their lives were very similar with only a few differences, most notably with how her brother died. It's probably the reason he chose that reality to try and swap. Less resistance not as much power needed. Just the same, it was too complicated for someone so inexperienced to attempt. We all know how much power it takes to go between realities but to move something as powerful as an unfettered soul between them, nevermind into a body that already had a soul in it? Ach, even I wouldn't attempt it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't understand, meld? What the hell do you mean meld? Where's our Gwen?”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm trying to tell you, if you would bloody listen.” Rowena said with a roll of her eyes and a bit of frustration at Dean's interruption. He was listening and she wasn't making any sense. “Imagine it like a glass of water that had ice poured but the glass never overflows. Eventually two will blend to be just one glass of water. I canna guarentee that all the ice will melt, but the water won't disappear.”</p><p> </p><p>“But right now, the ice, the other Gwen, is at the surface.” Sam continued on with the very weird analogy. “Is our Gwen okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“From what I can tell yes. For the spell to work, or not work the way it did, she had to allow the other soul in. What that arse didn't count on was how tenacious Gwen is in any reality. They resisted the second part of the spell together, not allowing it to transfer our Gwen out.” A faint smile took her face. “Of course Gwen would end up saving another version of herself just in the nick of time. Our wee heroine.”</p><p> </p><p>“But,if I'm here, umm, what happened to my body or will happen without me in it?” Gwen spoke up softly, with a nervous tone that Dean was pretty sure he'd never heard from her before. Even when they first met and then after her brother died, he'd never heard her this apprehensive. Was this really a different Gwen speaking?</p><p> </p><p>“Oh love. I think you know, given how sick you were. What you knew was going to happen sooner rather than later.” Rowena's voice was soft and sympathetic, a tone she tended only to have with Gwen, Jack or Sam.</p><p> </p><p>Dean's mind was reeling with the idea of his Gwen allowing another version of herself to be brought into her body like that. Part of him wanted to rant and rave but he could almost hear Gwen in his head telling him it was her body and her choice. Then he realized that the woman in his arms had tears streaming down her face. “Gwen?”</p><p> </p><p>“You....you mean this is really happening?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes dear. What was meant to be a cowardly vicious act ended up saving your life.” Rowena said softly, reaching out and taking Gwen's hand. If Rowena had one true friend in the world, it was probably Gwen. She'd given the red headed witch a chance right from their first meeting, not caring about her past. “I canna say it will be easy or quick, to reconcile what you knew with what you will come to know. No one expects you to recover overnight. It will take time. You are lucky in that you are somewhat familiar with this world.” She shook her head. “A bloody show about the Winchesters. Who'd have thought?”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen let out a soft sob, covering her face with her hands once Rowena released them. Dean didn't know what else to do but to wrap his arms around her, try to show his support the only way he could. He didn't know what to think of any of this but it did sound like Gwen to turn the tables on some wannabe Hogwarts douchebag. “You aren't alone in this. We are going to do everything we can to help you.” He murmured against her hair, his eyes looking over her head to Sam who probably felt as helpless as he did. “Cas can calm you down a bit with his grace. It's like angelic xanax. Do you want that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I feel like I'm losing my mind.” She whimpered, her hand shaking as she wiped away her tears.</p><p> </p><p>He raised his head and waved to the angel. “Cas, can you just calm her down a little? Do that grace voodoo that you do.”</p><p> </p><p>Cas walked over, rolling his eyes at the simplified explanation. “I'm using my grace to help calm and relax you. It won't hurt you or render you unconscious. I will heal your arm as well.”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded and raised her head to him, closing her eyes. Cas touched her forehead like before, just the barest glow to his fingertips. He pulled his hand back and waited for Gwen to open her eyes and nod before reaching out and just barely caressing her hair. If Jack was a son for Cas, Gwen was almost like a little sister to him. More of a sister than any of the angels that actually were his siblings anyway.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen undid the handkerchief he'd used to bind the cut on her arm with the other and he both heard and felt her gasp at the sight of her arm completely unmarked. How many times had she either seen Cas or Jack heal them or been healed herself and now it was like the first time all over again. “Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course. Let me know if you want me to do it again.”</p><p> </p><p>“Feel better?” Dean asked, almost wanting to get Cas to do the same for him but he knew he needed to be strong for Gwen right now and Jack too. Poor kid looked just as confused and lost as Gwen did. The kid had been beside himself with worry, frustrated that with all of his power, he couldn't do something as seemingly simple as find Gwen. Thankfully once he had, it had been just in time to save her from a friggin' Wendigo.</p><p> </p><p>“Calmer. But better? I'm so far from that right now.” She looked away from him, almost like she was ashamed. “I'm sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey.” He gently urged her to look back to him while the others began to pack up all of Rowena's crap around them rather than put attention on Gwen when she was obviously struggling. “No apologies needed. I'd rather have you honest with me, just like I'm always with you. Well, I try to be anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>“It's all in the effort I guess. Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, can you stand? Let's go back to the car, pack up and get out of here. Is that alright?”</p><p> </p><p>She started getting up on her own and he only helped a little even though he really just wanted to carry her. “You know better than me right now. And people who don't listen to you end up not doing so well on the show. Whatever you think is best.”</p><p> </p><p>He wanted to laugh and make a joke about recording that for the future but he couldn't. This wasn't his Gwen. His Gwen was in there but the woman he was speaking to wasn't her. After everything, they finally find her and he couldn't even speak to her. He wanted to rage and punch things but he resisted that urge. This Gwen had at least one thing in common with his Gwen, neither of them had patience for his temper. She didn't ask for this to happen, she was just as much a victim of that warlock asshole as his Gwen was.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam POV</strong>
</p><p>Sam turned his head to see Gwen who'd been very quiet ever since they'd finally convinced her that it wasn't a dream but reality. Since they learned that an attempted soul swapping had ended up with a double occupancy situation. If he didn't know better, it would be like any other night, Gwen seated in her usual spot behind Dean if Jack was with them. She was repeatedly combing her fingers through her hair, occasionally tugging on it. He'd never seen her do this kind of compulsive habit, she was more likely to fidget with a pen. Maybe this was something the other Gwen did? “Gwen, you okay? You keep playing with your hair, you do that when you are anxious?”</p><p> </p><p>She blinked and looked at him with wide scared eyes. She'd gone from being incredulous to downright terrified and confused. If her reality had their lives as a TV show, he could understand her fear. Their life was far from a teddy bear picnic. “I umm...I haven't had hair...I didn't...”</p><p> </p><p>“It's okay. You're safe. Breathe.” Jack tried to sooth awkwardly like he'd seen done for others trying to deal with difficult circumstances. Sam had to give Jack credit for still wanting to help even though the woman he knew as his mom wasn't the one he was talking to right then. Was their Gwen aware of what was going on or was it like when Gadreel had possessed him?</p><p> </p><p>She swallowed and let out a breath. “The chemo took my hair. I haven't even had eyebrows in a year.” She seemed on the verge of tears again, taking a deep breath to try and keep herself somewhat calm. “I'm sorry, I just really don't understand how this can really be happening.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well we're gonna get a hotel for the night and then something to eat. Food helps.” Dean spoke up. He'd been pretty quiet since they'd figured out just what happened to Gwen. They'd both experienced altered realities. Either from angels messing with their heads or that time Dean had been captured by a D'jinn. Nevermind actually travelling to other realities like they had done last year. He couldn't imagine what Dean was going through, knowing his girlfriend was there but there was another version of her in there too. One who only knew him as a TV show character. So far Sam had been impressed with how Dean was handling it or pretending to handle it. “You still like burgers and fries, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Umm. I don't know.” Her voice was shaky. She was definitely about to lose it. Sam had a feeling that the bit of tears she'd shown before was nothing compared to what was bubbling inside. He couldn't imagine what this Gwen had suffered through only to be yanked out of that existance into another more fantastical one. “I've had...I had a feeding tube. I haven't been able to really eat much in a while. The chemo and all. It messes with your sense of taste and then there's nausea. You get sick so much you are afraid to even try eating.” Her voice drifted off. “I'm not crazy, I swear.”</p><p> </p><p>“We know Gwen. One step at a time. Remember what Rowena said, you just have to try and relax. I know that's easier said than done.” He'd been rather impressed with Rowena in the last few days if he was being honest. The former enemy had really stepped up and before she'd left with Castiel had almost looked emotional herself as Dean and Jack had been helping a still shaky Gwen into the Impala. In addition to being one of Jack's strongest supporters right from the start, Gwen had always been Team Rowena too. Somehow the two got along like old friends, even though Rowena was a few centuries older. Of course, Gwen had also gotten along with Crowley somehow. She'd been as heartbroken as Rowena had been with the news of his sacrifice right on top of Kelly's death with Jack's birth, Castiel seemingly killed by Lucifer and their mom missing with the fallen angel in the Apocalypse reality.</p><p> </p><p>He wondered if the other Gwen knew all of that stuff because of the show or if her reality's Supernatural was very different. She hadn't reacted in surprise to see Castiel, so that told him that the reality that Balthazar had thrown them into, introducing them to the Supernatural TV show was just one reality involving their lives portrayed by actors. He'd occasionally wondered what had happened after they left, given the chaos Raphael's angels had wrought trying to get their hands on them. Just the idea of more than one reality where people were watching their lives for entertainment made him sick.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong><br/>
</p><p>“I just need a minute in the bathroom, okay? Just a minute.” She was frantic to try to get away and have a moment by herself while she was in some kind of control. Control had been a fleeting thing as her body began to truly lose the battle to the cancer, she tried desperately to hold on to any and all she could. She was surprised she held on as well as she did while they waited for Sam to book the rooms before they went to the diner that was part of the motel. She had been glad that the drive here hadn't been one where she'd been asked question after question, the brothers and Jack seeming to understand she was beyond overwhelmed at her apparent change in situation.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Sure Gwen. The bathrooms are right over there. We'll wait for you at the table. Go ahead.” Sam said with a kind smile and a nod toward the diner's bathrooms.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Gwen barely made it to the bathroom in time to lock the door before the tears came. She slumped to the floor, hands clapped over her mouth to keep the sound of her sobs muffled. How could this be reality? Stuff like this didn't happen in real life, how could any of this be real? If it was, was she going to die anyway? The show didn't have a good track record with most characters that interacted with the boys, especially women. She nearly got eaten by a wendigo just moments after arriving here, that didn't exactly fill her with confidence.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>They weren't actors, this wasn't pretend. Her fingers touched where Rowena had cut her but now there was no trace of a wound thanks to the simple touch of an angel, not a man playing the part of an angel. That was really Sam and Dean Winchester waiting for her out there. Guys who had spent their lives fighting demons, monsters and everything in between, saving the world again and again. Angels were real and Jack really was the child of Lucifer. Fuck, Lucifer was real! Alternate realities were real. Soul swapping or soul transference in her case, was real.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>All of that and more had her mind spinning. Where in the series were they? The Gwen they knew, whose body she was in, had been there for Jack's birth. Dean wasn't being a dick to Jack and he obviously wasn't possessed by Michael. Oh fuck. Had that happened yet? Were the same characters dead, like Crowley? She knew the last few seasons had been particularly harsh, she didn't want to live through them or die in the course of it.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Just how different was the show she knew from this apparent reality? How did one come to grips with accepting they were in a whole new reality? There was no guidebook and she desperately wished there was.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>And what was the relationship between this Gwen and Dean? The way he touched her, the way he looked at her plus the flashes of what was apparently the memories of this reality's Gwen told her it was more than just friends. Was this Gwen a hunter? What did Rowena mean by how their brothers had died? Jimmy had died here too but not from cancer?</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Taking a deep breath she got up and looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. It was a shock to see herself with hair again, especially hair that seems too nice to be real. Near perfectly shaped chestnut waves with a bit of curl, though it was obvious she'd been worrying it with her fingers. Somehow she hadn't been sent here with her crazy near uncontrollable frizzy mess. Though she'd missed it once it was gone and she was bald. Her fingers traced her eyebrows, those were really nice to see again. Her eyes were still bright blue and somehow, she didn't need glasses anymore.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Could being brought here somehow have completely cured her? Was the cancer really gone? It seemed too good to be true. Too impossible to suddenly wake up in a body that was hers but healthy.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>She pulled her shirt up and saw not one single scar. Not from where her port had been or the central line she'd had for the bone marrow transplant. Not even the line a few inches below her belly button from the hysterectomy done when the cancer had started to spread in her uterus. Where she'd been barely 100lbs and deathly pale, now she looked healthy and fit with good color. More than that, where her port had been in a different body, now there was a tattoo. She actually had the anti-possession tattoo just like the boys did on the show. Her fingers traced it, wondering just how it was that a simple tattoo could protect one from demon possession.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>At least that was something she wouldn't have to worry about. If the show she'd watched was accurate, the way she was feeling right now, emotionally weak and lost, she would have been practically rolling out the welcome mat for a demon to smoke in. Right now, things were a bit crowded as it was, the last thing she needed was a demon taking over.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>She took another deep breath, at least enjoying being able to without pain. She turned on the water and splashed her face, just trying to calm down. She looked like an emotional wreck. Freaking out wasn't going to help anything. Whatever this was, if Sam and Dean were anything like the show she knew, they would do whatever they could to figure it out and keep her safe if she was in danger. Being a hysterical mess wouldn't help them do that.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>She looked into her own eyes that weren't really her eyes reflected in the mirror. “I don't know if you can hear me.” She spoke quietly, feeling crazy for talking to herself like she was talking to someone else, but she was. “I don't know if you meant to do this exactly and I'm sorry if you didn't. I don't want to take over your life, I wouldn't know how.” She took a breath. “We can do this together. We've apparently always been fighters, it's just a new fight, right? We'll just be stronger now.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>There was a flash in her mind, a glimpse of Jimmy but a different Jimmy. His hair was thicker and he didn't have glasses either. It was amazing to see him whole again. This must have been when she was little. <em>“Gwen, you can do just about anything you want, you just have to be willing to work for it. You'll always have me rooting you on, kiddo.”</em></p><p><br/>
</p><p>She felt tears again, but this time happy tears, not terrified ones. “Ok, I hear you.” She looked into her reflection again. “We were so lucky to both have him, weren't we?” She knew she sounded insane, like Gollum from Lord of the Rings or something. Then she thought about the flashes that she now knew were this Gwen's memories of Dean. Somehow, this Gwen had managed to snag herself a Winchester.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>She took another breath. She could do this.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>They could do this.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Or she was just certifiably insane. That was a potential too.</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <strong>Dean POV</strong><br/>
</p><p>Dean watched as Gwen excused herself to go to the bathroom. He felt bad that he couldn't be more help to her but right now, that wasn't really his Gwen. At least she wasn't the one in control at the moment. How the hell did someone go from near death from cancer in one reality to being perfectly healthy and almost Wendigo dinner in another? What were the chances she would end up in the reality of what seemed to be her favorite show? What the hell was his Gwen thinking, allowing another version of herself to be put in her body and then fighting to keep it there? She had no way of knowing what the other version was like. What if she'd been a serial killer or vegan or something?</p><p><br/>
</p><p>And why the fuck were there more than one reality where their lives were a fucking TV show?</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I feel bad for Gwen. For the new Gwen that is. Are we going to be able to help her? We can't just send her back, she was dying. We can't send her back to die.” Jack said very earnestly after they took their seats. “She's still Mom.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Jack, I don't think there is a way to send her back. Even if there was, I don't think your mom would want us to. Maybe that's why she allowed the warlock to do what he did, I don't know.” Sam tried to calmly explain. No doubt he was thinking the same way Jack was. “It would be cruel to send her back.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“If she could save someone from dying, even another version of herself, she would.” Jack shook his head. “I don't like imagining Mom having cancer at all, any version.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I know buddy. Me either.” Dean spoke up, glancing toward the bathroom doors. “But she doesn't have cancer. You understand that your Mom is still there, right? But right now, this other Gwen is kinda running the show. She doesn't mean to hurt you by not understanding your relationship, you know that?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The boy nodded. “I understand. We can help her access Mom's memories maybe. It seemed to happen when she touched the car. Maybe reminders will work too?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“That's a good idea Jack. Let's just take it one step at a time. This Gwen is already struggling a bit. She was in a pretty bad way before all of this and now she's got a lot to try to adapt to. The best thing we can do is be patient right?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The way Sam looked right at Dean made him roll his eyes. Why did everyone always accuse him of being so impatient all the time? “Yeah yeah.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“The shock alone is going to take time to wear off.” Sam said softly before waving off the waitress. “Our friend is in the bathroom. Can you give us a minute?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Just when Dean was about to ask if it seemed like Gwen had been gone for too long, the ladies room door opened and Gwen emerged. Her face was a bit blotchy, her nose and eyes a high pink. She'd held it together long enough to have her big breakdown alone. He'd wager some were tears of joy from not dying anymore. Just the same, he hated that she felt she had to do that alone.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Hey Gwen, you okay?” He asked, standing up so she could sit on the inside of the booth, across from Jack. His mind flashed with the number of times Gwen had rolled her eyes at him for the protective gesture, always putting himself between her and any potential danger, just like Sam instinctively did for Jack. <em>Dean, it's a diner. I don't need you to be my bodyguard.</em></p><p><br/>
</p><p>Maybe if he'd been more insistant on protecting her, she wouldn't have been taken in the first place.</p><p>“Yeah.” She took a deep breath. “I almost didn't recognize myself in the mirror is all.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>That was probably true but it wasn't the whole truth. It was probably just the tip of the iceberg for her so he didn't call her on it. “It happens to the best of us. Come on, get whatever you want, okay? Feel free to pig out. Don't worry about the price or anything. We got it.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Still running credit card scams?” She said weakly before shrugging at what was probably a surprised look on his face. “Hunting ain't exactly a pro ball career. Besides, all we do is apply. It's not our fault they send us the cards.” She paused. “Sorry. It's from the show.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Sam shook his head in disbelief, realizing like Dean had that Gwen was quoting something Dean had said to him more than a decade before they ever even met. “Remember Dean? When you first came to get me at Stanford.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Wow. That was....that was ages ago.” Then he thought about it. “Wait, what year is it for you? What was happening on the show?” It obviously was close to their time if she recognized Jack so whatever this show was like, the timeline wasn't that different.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>She shook her head. “I dunno if I should answer that. If this is really real I could mess things up. Like tell you something that's going to happen and screw up how things are supposed to go? Make things go bad in a way they can't be fixed? Fuck this is messed up.” She rested her head in her hand like she had a momentary headache at the thought. “It's like I know you guys but I don't know if what I know is fact here or not. Sometimes having eidetic memory sucks.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The waitress came by then and they all ordered. Dean had to fight back a comment about how little Gwen had ordered. Normally, somehow she was almost able to keep up with him and it never showed but this wasn't exactly his Gwen was it? Was the woman in there really someone who'd been on the verge of death? He'd done more than a few stints in hospitals and feeding tubes and intubation sucked.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Then again, so did getting bounced around from reality to reality.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Well our Gwen has eidetic memory too, so that's one thing that's the same.” Sam continued the conversation after the waitress left. “Okay, why don't you name off a few things you know thanks to the show, anything you want and we'll see if it's accurate for us.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Start with me. I'm only 2 years old, it shouldn't be that hard.” Jack spoke up, so eager to want to help. “I'm curious to know what this TV show was like.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Gwen sat up a bit straighter, looking at the boy with a hint of a smile on her lips. He wondered if the other Gwen appreciated Jack's eagerness to learn and help like their Gwen did. “Okay. You were named after your mom's dad, you chose Castiel to be your father while you were in the womb and umm, the first food you had was a candy bar. You like nougat.” She paused, with a nervous hopeful look. “Any of that close?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“It's exact.” Jack said with near relief, a big smile on his face.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“What about me? Positive things please, I'm sensitive.” Dean asked, teasing just a little to see how she'd react.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He was rewarded with just the slightest roll of the eyes.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“You love food but especially pie and bacon cheeseburgers. You almost always lose playing Rock, Paper, Scissors. You are allergic to cats and you love anything and everything about the Old West and westerns.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He gave her a nod of approval. Pretty basic but she was nervous, he'd let that go. “This show was pretty detailed, huh?'</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“That and I can't help what I remember. I've freaked out more than one person without meaning to.” She paused and looked at him shyly. “I'm sorry if I do that here or if I know something I shouldn't.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Don't worry about it Gwen. I doubt there's much our Gwen doesn't know about us. Do you want to try me?” Sam encouraged.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“You were in a production of Our Town when you were a kid, Dean thought it was cute. You love dogs and at one point, you were turned into a Knight Rider version of the Impala and Dean pulled holy oil out of your trunk.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dean couldn't help the snort, remembering the trials that Gabriel had put them through in his strange effort to try and convince them to say yes to both Michael and Lucifer. “Hehe, you had holy oil in your butt.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“And who is the one afraid of flying?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Says the overgrown man afraid of clowns.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I don't think you bickering is going to help Gwen very much.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Okay, okay. Jack's right.” Dean decided to concede the point to the nephilim who technically was a toddler but that was mostly a matter of semantics.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Can you tell me what you know about me? I mean, this Gwen? Your Gwen? I'm curious if our bios would be the same.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Well, you were born in Seattle, a surprise baby for your parents. Your mom died when you were a little kid, you never knew her. She's why you don't drink. You were a nerd in school, graduating way early and going right into college. You have more degrees than I thought possible but somehow you managed. You thought about becoming a profiler, you really like psychology and all that. The FBI did try to recruit you when you were getting your undergrad but you didn't like the bureaucracy and politics. Then you had a professor that got you into history and that was it. You spent about a year or so as a guest professor over in England before you came home and a few weeks later, we walked into the picture. You've been with us ever since.” Dean explained, glossing heavily over details at the end, namely what brought her into their lives.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Gwen nodded though she looked a little surprised at how easily all that information came from him. How could he not know just about everything there was about Gwen, especially after everything they'd been through together? It would be like him not knowing everything about Sam. “Everything except England seems right. For me, I mean. I got asked and was going to go but then Jimmy, my Jimmy, got sick. The year I would have spent there, I spent taking care of him. And then, well, I got sick. So our bios are similar but not exact. How strange.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>At least one thing was consistant with both Gwens, they were both logical thinkers. He tried to focus on that more than that sick feeling that he might have lost the Gwen he knew forever. How much of this melding thing would change her personality? Would she still feel the same way about him? She hadn't reacted badly when he touched her, she'd let him hold her hand and everything. That was a good sign right?</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <strong>Sam POV</strong><br/>
</p><p>Sam was curious about the young woman sitting next to his brother as she cautiously ate her food. It was obvious she was hungry but she was being very careful with each bite. He couldn't remember ever seeing Gwen, their Gwen anyway, being quite so delicate. She never attacked food like Dean did but this was like watching a bird eat.“Is your food okay?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Yeah.” She looked up with a bit of pink in her cheeks. “This is the first time I've had food that wasn't delivered in a tube up my nose or without taking nausea pills first in a really long time. I'm just a little wary. The body likes to trick you into feeling fine and then you overdo it and yuck city.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Yuck City? Where's that?” Jack asked innocently.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“It's not a place, Jack. She means that she would end up throwing up.” Dean explained simply with more than half of his burger gone already. “Chemotherapy beats the hell out of you while it's trying to beat the hell out of the cancer. Think about a war with two sides and your body is the battlefield.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“That's it almost exactly.” Gwen said surprised. “How did you know?” Then she stopped and held up her hand. “Please tell me that's not something you learned watching that Dr Sexy show.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Sam managed not to snort with a mouthful of lettuce. He'd totally forgot about that stupid show. “Yeah Dean, did you learn that from Dr. Sexy?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“First off, fuck you Sam, it's a decent show. Second, one of Dad's friends from Vietnam did chemotherapy. You were just a baby, you wouldn't remember. That's how Dad explained it to me.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Did it help him?” Jack asked.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“At first but it came back.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“That's what happened with my brother. They thought they got it and then 6 months later, surprise it's back, stage 4. 9 weeks later he was gone.” Her eyes were sad, a sadness he was familiar with when Jimmy Baylor was mentioned. Apparently this Gwen's brother had died from cancer. “Can I ask, how did he die here? Is that how I...how she met you?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The look from Dean told Sam that he didn't want to be the one to tell her. He'd made the choice to go to the University where she was a professor at the time to save her before they raced to the home she'd shared with her brother to try and save him. They hadn't gotten there in time. The pack of rugarus, who'd been looking for the ancient book that her brother had gotten his hands on, not knowing it's power, had beaten them there. They'd gotten there in time to at least keep the rugarus from getting away. Jimmy dying from his wounds, his arm horrifically torn off, in his sister's arms was an image neither of them would ever forget.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Umm, that is how we met. Jimmy, this reality's Jimmy was a college professor. So was Gwen.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Her eyes widened. “Mine too.I taught history, he taught world folklore, the occult and comparative religions. Part of why I started watching the show. Did he teach that here too?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Sam nodded. “Yeah. He got his hands on a very powerful book that some monsters wanted. We didn't get to him in time. I'm sorry.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Her head tilted and her eyes took a faraway look but before he could say anything, her eyes closed with a gasp, her jaw clenching, her hand gripping the table like she needed it to keep from falling over. “Oh christ that's horrible.” She opened her eyes again, blinking away emotion. “Your Gwen, she's helping me understand things. It sounds schizophrenic but I think we're figuring out a way to communicate in a way that doesn't overwhelm like with the car. At least that's what I'd prefer.” She shook her head. “How ironic that both Jimmys would lose their arm and die with us holding them.” She took a long sip of ice water before speaking again. “And then she just tagged along with you?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Gwen had a hard time, with the way Jimmy died, understandably. And Jimmy had a lot of dangerous rare books, not that he knew they were actually real lore.” Dean spoke up. He always spoke about Gwen's brother with respect. Sam had a feeling that at least in the beginning, he'd felt an obligation as a fellow older brother to take on taking care of Gwen like her brother would have wanted. From there it'd grown into much more. He was positive that despite being told it wasn't his fault, Dean still blamed himself for the man's death. “She refused to just let us take them and we couldn't leave her in danger like that. There was no way to know that taking the books would remove the threat. Besides, she needed to get away to try and cope.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“So she's a hunter?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Kind of. She doesn't really do the take down stuff. Not usually anyway. More of the research. Then when Jack was born, she stepped up in a big way in respect to Kelly.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Gwen nodded, munching on a fry. “So like a Woman of Letters?” She shrugged. “I guess it helps that I watched the show, I know what's going on in a way. Kinda.” She looked to Jack. “Your mom, Kelly I mean, she was a good woman. I know she's proud of you.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Jack nodded. “I know. You, I mean,” he stumbled over his words, “my mom tells me all the time.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I'm sure. Just be patient with me, okay? Now you'll be teaching me about the world. I hope you don't mind switching roles for a while.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I can do that. Anything to help.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>"We'll all help." Sam spoke up, giving Jack an encouraging squeeze of the shoulder. Every day it seemed like the boy showed just how he was the polar opposite of his biological father, Lucifer. As much as Sam knew he had a hand in that, as did Dean and Cas, much of it he knew could be put at Gwen's feet, their Gwen that is. She'd defended and fought for Jack almost literally from the moment he was born, never even contemplating that Lucifer being his biological father could have any impact on who Jack would be as a person nevermind a very powerful nephilim. Now that his adopted mother needed help, the person he had come to be would no doubt do anything and everything he needed to protect not only the Gwen they knew, but this new Gwen.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I just want to thank everyone who has been reading and commenting. I was VERY hesitant about posting this story given the lukewarm reception my other fics got but you guys are being totally awesome with this one.</p><p>Here's a new chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Sam POV</strong>
</p><p>Sam followed Gwen outside after a silent look from Dean as he and Jack waited for the waitress to come back to the register so they could pay. It went without saying that she probably wouldn't be going very far by herself for a while after this incident with the warlock. Even he would agree to that for a long time. The time she was missing would rank up there with some of his worst times and he'd had more than his fair share. He was so relieved to have her back but now there was a whole new problem to deal with.</p><p> </p><p>Such was the life of a Winchester.</p><p> </p><p>She walked slowly, her head tilting up to look at the stars. How long had it been since she'd seen them?</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, are you warm enough? You can have my jacket if you want.” He asked, seeing her cross her arms and hold her elbows. He felt fine but Gwen tended to run a little cold and he wasn't sure how things might be different physiologically now that there were two souls in one body.</p><p> </p><p>She dropped her head and turned to look at him. “Nah. I'm okay. It's only a little chilly. It's good walking weather.” She shrugged as they reached the Impala and both stopped. “That's something I'm kind of looking forward to being able to do again, take walks. Does your Gwen do that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure. It helps her clear her head. Sometimes instead of doing a morning run, she and I will just take a long walk. Most of the time Jack comes with us too.”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded thoughtfully and was quiet for a moment before she turned. “So I'm just going to ask this because things are awkward enough. Dean and Gwen, this Gwen, are they a couple?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam nodded. He was wondering when that would be brought up. He'd give Dean credit for his restraint but the awkwardness was more than a bit noticable. “Yeah, picked that up huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“The Dean I know from the show isn't normally that freely affectionate, if that makes sense. He doesn't just hug random people, only people who are very important to him.” She sighed, gently leaning against the car. “How long have they been together?”</p><p> </p><p>“Over 2 years now. Since a little before Jack was born, a few months after we met her. There have been bumps but she sticks by him. I always tease her that we're going to get her sainted for that alone.” He loved his brother but he could be a stubborn jackass without really trying too hard.</p><p> </p><p>She smiled, absently kicking one of the rocks in the parking lot into the grass. “You make it sound like some arduous thing. I mean, it's gotta be something special for them to be together so long. From my point of view, she's pretty lucky.”</p><p> </p><p>“How so? Besides the cancer thing, obviously, I mean.”</p><p> </p><p>“She had support, after Jimmy died. Yeah, you guys don't exactly live the safest stable lifestyle but at least she wasn't alone. It gave her a good focus for her grief and a way to move on. I didn't have that. I was diagnosed just before Jimmy died and then it was just me. Most support I had was medical staff, you know? Maybe some fellow professors or students but after three years, people get worn out watching you die. It's sad but true. But I can see that your Gwen, this Gwen, she has family. An unconventional one, but a real family. I guess Bobby was right when he said that family doesn't end in blood.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam had always wondered what their Bobby would have thought of them raising Lucifer's kid as their own. He knew the Bobby they brought back from Apocalypse World had taken his time in coming to trust Jack but that was a Bobby that saw all angels as the enemy. “Yeah, unconventional is putting it mildly. It just kind of happened, I don't think any of us really consciously thought about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Becoming the adopted mom of Lucifer's kid had to be a pretty conscious decision. Did Jack choose her like he chose Castiel?”</p><p> </p><p>“Kind of. It was mostly Kelly I think. We have a flashdrive back home that you can watch. Kelly left a message for you as well as Jack and Cas.”</p><p> </p><p>He remembered being in the hotel room just outside of Wyoming with Gwen when she decided she needed to watch it. Jack was barely four days old at the time and had nearly opened up a Hell Gate after being tricked by Asmodeus who had nearly choked them all to death. Ironically, it wasn't so much the demon attack or yet another near death experience that had thrown her but Jack calling her “Mom” for the first time after scaring Asmodeus off and running over to where they had all been coughing and trying to catch their breath.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dean had been off at the motel bar while Jack was seated just outside the room on the balcony just quietly looking up at the stars when Sam had approached Gwen with the flashdrive, explaining that he hadn't meant to watch the video the other night but it was something she should see. Thankfully Dean had managed not to say anything about the boy calling her Mom but he'd seen just how much it had startled her even though she had recovered quickly for Jack's sake who hadn't noticed.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Her hand had had the slightest tremble to it as she reached up and started the video. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Hi Gwen, it's me.” Kelly's face and upper body came onto the screen, the laptop she must have used having been sitting on a table or something near her knees. “If you are watching this, well, I had Jack and I'm gone. I'm sorry for what you and Castiel have gone through, protecting me and Jack but I'm thankful we had you. I'm glad I got to know you and be your friend. I can't think of anyone better to raise my boy.” </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kelly paused, smiling as she wiped a tear. “Sorry, pregnancy hormones. I can't imagine things are going to be easy raising Jack but you and Castiel are the best people I could ever ask for to take care of him. I know he's going to be so amazing and so much of that is because of the love and support you'll give him. I don't know what the future holds but I know his is so much brighter because you'll be his mom. Please let him call you Mom or Mommy, you know, and celebrate Mother's Day and all that amazing stuff without feeling guilty. You are going to be a great mom, I just know it. Thank you again, for everything. Thank you.” Her eyes teared up again as she waved to the screen before blowing a kiss and the video stopped.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sam didn't even try to say anything. He just closed the laptop and moved to pull Gwen into his arms, tears streaming down her face as she fought not to make a sound that would alert Jack who was visible just outside the window of the room. She sobbed into his chest and he hugged her tighter, wishing Dean could get his head out of his ass enough to be supportive too. Kelly didn't ask to be effectively assaulted by Lucifer, nevermind to have his baby and lose her life in the process. It sounded like she'd come to grips with it though. She'd found strength before she died.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>How am I supposed to keep my promise to her without Castiel?” Gwen whispered in a tear choked voice. “I don't have powers and everyone wants to take him. That demon almost got him! Those angels! He's only four days old and he was taken by a Prince of Hell! I'm failing her!”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Shh, no you aren't. Gwen, listen, you aren't failing Kelly. She knew it would be a tough road and so did you and you are doing the best you can. Jack listens to you. He didn't hear us in that field with Asmodeus, he heard you. His first concern was for you, for his mom and that's just at four days old. I wish Castiel was here too, you know I do. You aren't alone though, we'll help.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>We?”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sam sighed wishing he couldn't hear the frustrated hurt in her tone. “Well, I'll help. Give Dean time, he'll come around. He's just in pain and not thinking straight. We haven't had very many wins the last few weeks and for mom to be missing right after he started mending fences with her? To lose Cas and even Crowley?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She moved back and wiped at her face. “He keeps forgetting, we lost them too.” She sighed. “Castiel was so excited about being a dad, you know? Especially since angels aren't supposed to be parents and all. Before Kelly went into labor, he bought all those diapers out in the truck, did you see?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I was wondering which one of you did that.” He'd quietly taken that truck with the diapers and donated them to a local shelter by leaving them outside after the hunter's funeral they'd had for Cas and Kelly and Crowley too, even without a body. They weren't going to need them with Jack already fully grown.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She smiled a little, nodding her head. “Kelly and I thought it was so cute, how he was trying and failing to be so subtle with his excitement. He read every book, watched YouTube videos, everything.” Her chin wobbled. “And he never even got a chance to hear Jack call him his father. Or see that Jack chose to look like him.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sam had seen the resemblance almost immediately. He wondered if that was part of the reason Dean was being such a dick toward the kid. It didn't help the grieving proces s when you were constantly reminded of the lost. “Gwen, you do realize that Jack looks like you too, right? He's a blend of you, Kelly and Cas.” One thing Sam didn't see in the kid was anything of Lucifer, or Lucifer's vessel, Nick. Could a nephilim baby in the womb make those kinds of choices consciously?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>What? No. Really?”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>He has your smile. I saw it back at the station when you were introducing him to ice cream after everything.” He had been surprised Dean hadn't noticed it though Dean might have and it could have just pissed him off more. No doubt seeing it as Jack trying to manipulate them by making himself more familiar to them. He would admit himself it did hurt to see how much the boy looked like Cas.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen's head ducked. “I hope I'll get to see it. He's been through too much in less than his first week.” A sigh. “I guess I should be glad I don't have to worry about diapers after all.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yeah, that's kind of a bonus.” He tried to encourage. “Listen, I know you can do this. Kelly knew and so did Cas.It's not going to be easy but I don't think it is for any parent. Come on, Dean practically raised me when he was a kid himself and I turned out okay.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen raised her hand and tipped it back and forth as if to say, so-so.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sam pulled her into another hug, kissing the top of her head. “Come on, let's take Jack to get something to eat while we can. Dean's going to want to get back on the road. We should get Jack to the Bunker to keep him safe.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She gave him a squeeze before pulling back. “Thanks Sam. I really appreciate your support with all of this. I know you are hurting too. But if anyone can survive and outsmart Lucifer in an apocalyptic hellscape, it's your mom.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I hope so. I really do.”</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He noticed Gwen's eyes lose focus and she shrugged. “What does it say when you find yourself jealous of a different version of you that had to deal with demons and angels attacks and sudden adoption of Lucifer's kid? Fuck, taking on a demon or two sounds so much better than constant nausea from chemo.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm sorry you went through all of that alone.” He didn't even want to imagine her going through that alone, nevermind for three years. He decided to try changing the subject to something less traumatic. “Can I ask, did you happen to go to Stanford too? For your graduate work?”</p><p> </p><p>Her head picked up and her brow furrowed. “Yeah. I did. I did my Bachelors at Harvard and decided that winter on the East Coast fucking sucked so I went out to California for my undergrad and PhD. Went back home to Washington to teach though. Why?”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged though mentally he was amused by the way this Gwen termed things. Somehow, both Gwens had a tendency to swear when they wanted to emphasize something. That would take some getting used to again, their Gwen having worked to curtail her swearing so Jack didn't pick up the habit. Not the easiest thing to do with Dean around. “In this reality, Gwen and I met in school. I didn't remember it but she did, that was how she figured out we weren't really FBI.”</p><p> </p><p>Her head tilted and her eyes unfocused again before her lip quirked. Another memory? “You guys came looking for Jimmy and found me first. And then you came back later and I realized why you seemed so familiar. You took a history class with a professor that I was doing my grad work with. Dr Warren.” Her eyes widened. “Now I remember why you seem so familiar. You aren't FBI, at least not Agent Montgomery. Winchester. Sam Winchester. What the fuck are you two trying to pull?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam was a bit startled at the way she recalled the memory that actually belonged to a completely different Gwen, nevermind exactly what she said. He'd gotten used to how their Gwen could remember things with such detail but it was something else for a different Gwen to be able to do it too. “Yeah. Yeah. You remembered me because it was a Civil War course and there's the town in Virginia with the same name.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh wow. And you both came clean, convinced me and Jimmy that you were trying to help.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. We had never really had that happen to us before. Sure, people figured out we weren't really FBI but to run into someone I'd been at school with before I went back to hunting? Especially over a decade before? That was a shock.”</p><p> </p><p>“Like it was a shock for me, to learn that the stuff my brother studied was nearly all real?” She took a deep breath, putting the heel of her hand to her forehead. Experiencing someone else's memories couldn't be easy. Hell, it was probably similar to having visions and though it had been years since he'd had one himself, the disorientation and pain was something he still vividly remembered. “And here I am again.” She turned to him, her eyes the same as they had always been but somehow different. “How do I do this? Go from dying in a hospital bed alone to sharing a body with another version of myself who lives in a reality where Supernatural is real?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam took a chance and stepped forward, putting his hand on her shoulder. “One day at a time Gwen. One hour at a time. If the show you watched was like our actual lives, you've seen the crap we've dealt with and somehow come through on the other side. It's not going to be easy, I won't lie to you.”</p><p> </p><p>She paused and then gave him a thankful, almost amused smile. “You really suck at lying to me anyway apparently. Dean too. I read right through you most of the time and Dean tries to pretend like it doesn't drive him crazy but it does. I guess that Masters in Psychology paid off for your Gwen like it did for me.” She sighed. “I sound like I'm absolutely certifiable.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam grinned and gave her shoulder a squeeze. “Welcome to the family.”</p><p> </p><p>“I forgot you know a little something about something like this. After the walls Death put in your head to protect you from your Hell memories came down. You had to fight in your own mind to reunite your psyche. Between the undamaged part of you, the soulless you and then the traumatized part. That happened here?”</p><p> </p><p>He nodded. “Unfortunately yeah.” He couldn't remember if he'd ever told their Gwen about it but apparently it had been part of the TV show. He didn't want to think what else had been on the show in the name of entertainment.</p><p> </p><p>“Except for me, instead of one fractured soul, there are two complete ones in here. One's a mom, albeit adoptive, and the other one, well, that wasn't exactly ever going to happen, even if the cancer hadn't been terminal.” Her hand absently moved to touch her lower stomach.</p><p> </p><p>Sam furrowed his brow. Wait, had that Gwen been infertile or something? Lost a baby? “I don't understand.” The last thing he wanted to do was guess and be completely wrong.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. I, umm, the cancer spread about a year ago to my uterus. They had to, you know, take everything out. Complete hysterectomy.” She shrugged like it wasn't a big deal but the way she looked away, to the car, told him it was. “Never really thought about not being able to have kids until I actually couldn't. Not that I probably would have, but you know, options are nice.”</p><p> </p><p>“You didn't want kids?” That could make things awkward given their Gwen's relationship with Jack.</p><p> </p><p>“It's not that I didn't, I just, you know, never had the opportunity. Focused on my career and then taking care of Jimmy when he got sick. Even if I hadn't gotten sick, I don't know if I would have. I don't know.” She shrugged again, one hand moving to tug on her hair. “But here, I'm a mom. I mean, your Gwen is. Jack's a great kid.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah he is. We're all really proud of him.” He paused, the idea of what she had been through in her own reality making his heartbreak. It was going to take time for her to come to grips with that trauma, nevermind that she was suddenly no longer dying and in a world that was both familiar and not. “You must be exhausted.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen's head turned to where Dean and Jack were finally leaving the diner, Jack carrying a to-go bag. No doubt it had one of the pies that had been in the display case by the register and Dean hadn't even attempted to restrain himself. “I guess, I don't know. Weary maybe. I just have so many questions.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean interrupted before Sam could say anything more. “I know, I know, before you say anything, I have no self restraint. I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Let me guess, the pie by the register?” Gwen questioned. “I was wondering why you didn't order any after we ate.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why go for a slice when you can get the whole thing? Come on, lets check out the rooms.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>Sam opened the door and stepped aside so Jack could enter first, his eyes flaring with his power. Gwen stood with Dean who had his arm out, keeping her slightly behind him. His head was practically on a swivel like he was a secret service agent. “What's wrong?” She asked, confused at the action. They had driven nearly 2 hours before finding a place that would give them rooms so late with an open restaurant nearby. It seemed like a decent place from what little she knew about hotels. She'd never really travelled very much, at least not as much as the Winchesters.</p><p> </p><p>Did having your soul pulled into another reality count as travelling?</p><p> </p><p>“Just being careful.” Dean explained, his eyes on the door where Jack had gone in while Sam went to check the adjoining room. “Don't want to assume that warlock jackass didn't have friends or get some assholes thinking the same thing. We're going do to do everything we can to keep you safe.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.” She murmured, hearing the fierceness in his tone. She knew from the show that Dean was very much a protector which was why he was such a good hunter. From the age of four, he'd devoted his life to protecting Sam at the direction of his father, something that had never stopped even when Sam was old enough to take care of himself. The lengths the brothers had gone to for each other was beyond anything most people could imagine outside of a TV show.</p><p> </p><p>But all of that had really happened here. Dean really had sold his soul to bring Sam back and had ended up in Hell just like his dad had done to save him.</p><p> </p><p>As she waited with Dean for what she assumed was the all clear, she had a sense that the intense protective nature she had seen on the show was something that this Gwen was very familiar with, right from the start.</p><p> </p><p>“It's all clear.” Jack announced, returning to the door. His eyes were back to normal and a smile on his face. Gwen had a feeling that Jack was always proud of himself when he was able to use his powers to protect rather than attack. “I'll grab our stuff from the car.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks Jack.” Dean encouraged as Sam returned, giving a silent nod that the other room was alright as well. He smoothly took a step back to her side, his hand just barely touching her lower back to guide her to the room on the left, Sam moving to help Jack and giving her a wink on the way.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen looked around the room, almost surprised it wasn't either a garish hour by hour type motel that the boys normally stayed in. It wasn't the Ritz but it was actually kind of nice with two beds, a decent sized TV and the typical table with chairs. The far wall had the bathroom counter, sink and mirror, a door to the right no doubt leading to the toilet and shower stall. “This is nice.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nicer than we usually get half the time. It's okay? We can try to find something better if it'd make you more comfortable.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, this is fine, really.” She moved to sit on the end of one of the beds, a bit thrown by the fact that she was in a motel room with Dean Winchester. She wasn't just watching it on a screen. He was real and standing just a few feet away.</p><p> </p><p>Dean Winchester who was in a relationship with the woman who until recently had been the only occupant of this body.</p><p> </p><p>Oh crap.</p><p> </p><p>“Listen, I know you are struggling with all of this. I can't imagine what you must be going through and I've actually done some pretty crazy crap over the years.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen nodded. “That's putting it very very mildly.”</p><p> </p><p>“You probably just want some time to yourself but I'm gonna have to veto that. Right now, we have to focus on keeping you safe, which means having at least one of us in the room with you. That's why we got the two rooms. Half the time we usually get one because the kid doesn't really sleep much and you and I, well, I mean our Gwen and me, you know, usually share.” He struggled a little for his words, mumbling at the end and rubbing at the back of his neck. She could see he was trying to maintain control by being in alpha hunter mode but it wasn't working.</p><p> </p><p>“I understand. I don't know if I'll sleep much, not feeling very tired. You and Sam should sleep though. I don't want to be rude but you look exhausted. When was the last time you slept?”</p><p> </p><p>His eyes dropped and she instantly felt like an asshole for the stupid question. His girlfriend of nearly 2 years had been missing, of course he hadn't been sleeping. Dean on the show hadn't been known for his long term relationships. He'd only been with Lisa about a year and from her point of view, he'd always been half in and half out there. “It's been a while.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm sorry, that was incredibly insensitive of me. I wasn't thinking.” Great, she thought to herself, alienate the guy on top of stealing his girlfriend's body. Good job.</p><p> </p><p>He shook his head, holding up his hand. “Don't worry about it, it's okay. We're all having a rough time.” He stiffened as the door opened, revealing just Jack with a couple bags, Sam right behind him. “Starting to think you guys got lost.”</p><p> </p><p>“Had to grab some stuff from the trunk to ward the rooms.” Sam explained, putting down the bags he was carrying. “Is the room okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, Sam. Thanks. Dean was saying how someone has to stay with me just in case. Better safe than sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“Here Mom, I mean, Gwen.” Jack fumbled, bringing over a medium sized leather duffel. “I brought your go-bag when we set out to find you. I didn't open it, but you always keep it ready. I mean..”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen held up her hand like Dean had just a moment before, feeling bad about how awkward the boy was feeling when addressing her. “Thank you, Jack. I understand what you mean.”</p><p> </p><p>She stood and took the bag, setting it on the bed and opened it. To be honest she was thankful for the distraction. Inside were a few tops, a pair of jeans, underwear, socks and toiletries. Nothing that seemed immediately familiar but weren't completely different from what she would normally wear. One of the side pockets had a few credit cards with names that weren't close to Gwen Baylor and there was a wad of cash too. “You weren't kidding about keeping it ready.”</p><p> </p><p>She pulled out the few unusual items, at least by her standards. A container of salt and container that from the sound of it probably had holy water in it. She pulled out a decent knife that looked like it was made of a silver blade but an iron handle from the weight of it. The last item she was very careful with. A gun, very similar to the one she'd seen Dean use on the show and probably had tucked into the back of his jeans at the moment.</p><p> </p><p>“It's okay, the safety is on.” Sam said, stepping forward and taking the gun with one hand, no doubt seeing her trepidation. “I'm guessing you don't have experience with guns?”</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head. “No, I think that's the first time I've handled one? Other than old rifles from the 19<sup>th</sup> century that weren't loaded. I mean, when I was teaching I carried mace and had a tazer for a while, but never really needed a gun.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don't worry, neither did our Gwen until she ended up with us.” Dean explained. The tone in his voice told her that he blamed himself for what had happened and probably everything that had happened to their Gwen in the last couple years. The look on Sam's face told her she was right. If he was anything like how he was on the show, neither he or Sam could be convinced that it wasn't their fault and there had been nothing either could have done to prevent it.</p><p> </p><p>“But you taught her?” She asked, getting a few flashes of memory of being in the firing range of the Bunker, Dean standing very close behind her as he showed her how best to hold the gun and fire. “In the Bunker, right?”</p><p>“Yeah. I did. Its come in handy. You'll remember or she'll tell you. I don't know, you know what I mean.” Dean waved his hand, looking increasingly uncomfortable. He looked to Sam. “I'm gonna hit the shower first, you can get it in the morning.”</p><p> </p><p>“No problem.” Sam said.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” Dean looked back to her and it seemed like there was an internal battle going on. If she was honest, she really wanted to just give him a hug because he looked like he needed one. He did, but he wanted it from his Gwen. She felt awful that he was being denied that. “If you need anything, just let us know, ok?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course. I'll be alright. Get some sleep.”</p><p> </p><p>He nodded. “Yeah. You should try too.” A pause. “Good night then.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam POV</strong>
</p><p>Sam watched Dean hesitate before he said good night quietly and headed for the other room via the connecting door. How long had it been since he hadn't shared a bed with Gwen when she was right there? Probably around the time Jack was born, he would wager. But anyone with eyes could see that neither one of them was feeling very comfortable right then.</p><p> </p><p>A soft sigh made him turn back to Gwen who had also watched Dean leave. Her eyes screamed guilt and he knew that she felt bad that Dean was struggling inadvertently because of her. He'd seen the same look on Dean's face in the first few weeks following Jimmy Baylor's death, given how hard Gwen had taken the loss. “I feel like the biggest bitch. ”</p><p> </p><p>“No, you aren't. He knows that too. No one is going to expect you to just step into all the roles our Gwen had while this melding thing takes place. You are trying to adjust to a lot, you don't need more thrown on your plate.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks. Will he actually sleep you think?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe. At least the rest will do him good. Will you try that much?” He could tell she was genuinely concerned for Dean. He wondered if thanks to the two souls, she would feel twice as much or if the emotions would be separate and unique.</p><p> </p><p>Her arms crossed and she hugged herself, taking a deep breath. “I dunno. I'm almost afraid to. It's silly.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why would you be afraid to sleep? I'll keep you safe, I promise.” Jack was quick to speak up. Sam knew that like the Winchester he was at heart, Jack blamed himself for not only Gwen's kidnapping but for what the warlock had attempted to do. He didn't even want to imagine what it would have done to the boy if the soul swap had been successful or he hadn't reached Gwen before that wendigo did.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen stepped over to Jack and sat down on the bed with him. “I know you will Jack, it's not about that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then what is it? Can I help?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam realized what Gwen had meant and he could have kicked himself. Of course, what would a now former terminal cancer patient be afraid of in terms of going to sleep? He moved to sit down on the opposite bed. “Jack, it has to do with how sick she was, in the other reality. Am I right?”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded shyly, avoiding both their eyes. “It was getting really bad. It was hard to stay awake with the drugs and how awful I felt all the time. I just never knew, is this the last time I fall asleep? Will I wake up this time?” She shook her head. “Now I'm afraid if I fall asleep here, I'll end up back there.”</p><p> </p><p>Jack boldly reached out and took her hand in his, Sam immediately thinking of when the boy had been only a few hours old and Gwen had done the same in that prison cell. She'd thought nothing of who Jack's father was or how much power he had. She'd always seen him first and most importantly as Kelly's boy, as a child who needed comfort and reassurance. She'd been a very good influence on him that way. “It's safe now. You don't have to be afraid. I can tell you are completely healthy and even if you weren't, I'd heal you. I promise, it's safe to sleep and I never lie to you.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam felt intensely proud of Jack as he watched Gwen look at their hands and then to Jack with nervousness and hope. “You've healed me, healed her before?”</p><p> </p><p>Jack nodded. “The day I was born. The first time I used my power on purpose. I mean, besides getting the candy out of the machine in the police station. Can you remember?”</p><p> </p><p>Her brow furrowed and her head slightly tilted. “I'm trying. I don't know how to access her memories. I don't want to overstep. I'd rather have your Gwen offer them up. I know that on the show, Dean tried to shoot you when you were just minutes old and you used your powers in defense, was it then?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam grimaced. She wasn't wrong but of course the TV show hadn't included her. He still remembered her cry for Dean to stop, Jack was just a baby. She'd managed to push his arm in time to make him miss. Dean had lashed out on instinct and she was pushed aside rather roughly where her head knocked into the dresser. It hadn't been a hard hit but she'd also only just recovered from being knocked out from the energy expelled with Jack's birth. He remembered how she'd been clinging to him just to stay standing once they found the burned footprints leading from Kelly's bedside out of the room. “It wasn't from Jack, Gwen. He's never hurt you. Not once.”</p><p> </p><p>Her brow furrowed again and he saw realization hit. “Dean. She tried to stop him from shooting Jack because he was so angry about Castiel, Crowley and your mom. Oh wow.”</p><p> </p><p>“He didn't mean to hurt you, you know that right? Dean isn't that kind of guy.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't need her memory to know that. He gets touchy when it comes to family and so much happened that night.” She paused. “What about with umm, whatshername, the dreamwalker? Kaia? Did he pull his gun on her to force her into the car after you saved her from the angels? To make her help you try to save Mary?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam flinched and Jack didn't say anything. It wasn't exactly a shining moment in the family history.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god. It was me? I mean...your Gwen?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Gwen POV (memory)</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's not a gift, it's a curse!" Kaia insisted. "When Derek walked he was free. He could go see beautiful things, to worlds that were paradises. I wish it was like that for me but it's not. I only go to one place. The Bad Place. It's just blood and death and monsters."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It sounds like a lifetime of bad dreams..." Dean began to attempt to sympathize with the girl before she interrupted.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Bad dreams?" She stalked over, pulling up her shirtsleeve as she moved. "When I get hurt over there, I don't wake up sweaty. I wake up bloody." She showed what looked like scars over scars, healed claw marks that were far from anything most people in this world would recognize. "This scar is not the only one. I'm sorry about your mom, but I can't help you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sam spoke up, clearly affected by the sight of what Kaia had got through. "All right, fine. Um, we can find another way."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Gwen had enough of this shit. There was no other way, otherwise Jack would have found it. The only way to find Mary Winchester was with Jack's power and he couldn't do it alone.This girl needed to realize that her powers could do much more than just send her to the nightmare place, not that she'd bothered to try and learn how to use them. She understood the girl had been through a lot and a great deal of that was in the last few hours. It didn't matter. She could get them to Mary and that would mean so much to the boys, to all of them. With Mary's return, Jack would have no reason to not come home too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She grabbed Dean's gun and grabbed Kaia's arm roughly, showing her the weapon. “Enough! Get in the fucking car!”</em>
</p><p>“<em>Gwen!”</em></p><p>“<em>Mom!”</em></p><p>“<em>No, this is happening. No more hiding. No more running away from what you can do like a child. It's time to grow up. You can save a life with your powers and reunite our family. Move!”  Kaia only hesitated for a moment before she moved toward the Impala. Gwen waited until the girl actually got in the backseat before she handed the gun back to a shocked Dean. "We're going to South Dakota. Jack, come on. We need to go."</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack POV</strong>
</p><p>Jack watched as Gwen's eyes unfocused and he shared a look with Sam. Was she experiencing a memory? His mom had told him later she had apologized to Kaia for what she had done. Her loss of temper had come from desperation, knowing that Mary Winchester was alive and Kaia could potentially help them get her home. He knew his mom and Mary weren't exactly best friends but it didn't mean they weren't family. “Gwen?”</p><p> </p><p>“She...I was so...out of control.” She breathed, opening her eyes with a bit of shock. “After everything, it was just the final straw. Wow. I only ever remember being that angry with a doctor who was rude to Jimmy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Gwen doesn't have much of a temper but we saw it that night.”</p><p> </p><p>Jack would agree to that. He wasn't even three years old but he'd observed a great deal from the people around them and from television. His mom was always very even tempered and logical, thinking things through before she reacted. Much like Sam but the opposite of Dean. She'd never raised her voice to him or yelled at him, something he had a feeling that Sam and Dean's dad had done a lot of.</p><p> </p><p>“We all have times were we lose control. What matters is what we do to gain that control back and learn from it.” Jack recited. “That's what you, what my mom told me after Dodge City. When I killed that man.”</p><p> </p><p>Her hand squeezed his. “You didn't mean to. It was an accident.”</p><p> </p><p>He looked down, not wanting to think about the moment he realized that his effort to stop the ghoul had been in error and had caused an innocent life to end. He still felt ashamed that he'd been so reckless. “The TV show showed that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. It did. It showed how you didn't mean to hurt him and just how upset you were. How hard you worked after that to make sure it didn't happen again. We all make mistakes, it's part of being human. Even for nephilim. You were only a couple months old at the time besides.”</p><p> </p><p>He nodded. This Gwen felt like he was talking to his mom almost. He wondered if Sam and Dean felt similarly when they spoke with the Bobby from Apocalypse World. Was he very similar to the Bobby who had died before he was born? “Part of being human is getting proper rest too. Especially with two souls in one body. If you don't want to sleep, we can just relax and watch TV. I have my laptop, we could watch a documentary.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'd like that.” She said with a smile before she turned to Sam. “You need to sleep too. It's okay, Jack will keep me safe and I know better than to try and leave a safe warded room. I've seen too much of the show to know what happens when people don't listen to you boys.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam smiled, standing up, covering his mouth as he yawned. “Well that show was good for something I guess. If you need anything, don't be afraid to wake us up. Jack, keep her safe, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“I will.”<br/><br/></p><p>
  <strong>Sam POV</strong>
</p><p>Sam closed the connecting door between the rooms behind him to see Dean sitting on the end of one of the beds, his head down, his hands weaved together between his knees. How long had he been sitting like that? He clearly hadn't taken the shower he'd claimed and the bag with the pie in it sat behind him, ignored and untouched.</p><p> </p><p>“She okay?” He murmured.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. She's a little afraid of sleeping, so she and Jack are going to watch a documentary on his laptop.” He sat on the opposite bed, pulling off his boots and trying not to groan at the simple pleasure. As much as his mind was whirling with question after question about Gwen and the extra soul sharing her body, he was beyond exhausted. He'd barely slept in four days, since she'd gone missing.</p><p> </p><p>“Because of the cancer?”</p><p> </p><p>Of course Dean would end up making the same connection he did. “Yeah. Jack reassured her though. She just needs time. All of us do.” He paused, Dean not moving a muscle, not even to turn his head to talk. “Dean, it's still Gwen. It's just, twice as much Gwen. She's not all that different in personality that I can tell.”</p><p> </p><p>“But right now it's a Gwen who knows us from a friggin' TV show. Come on Sammy, think of the last 15 years. How much of that was on the show? And this meld thing? What if it doesn't work? What if it's just the other Gwen in charge from now on? What happens to our Gwen? And if she was meant to die of cancer in that other reality, are we gonna have that Fate chick coming after her? A reaper? Worse, what if she's targeted by Billie?”</p><p> </p><p>“Dean, those are all valid worries but right now, can't we just be relieved that Gwen is safe? We got her back, man. She fought a warlock on her own and won! She got kidnapped and ended up saving another version of herself in the process, that's pretty amazing!”</p><p> </p><p>His older brother sighed, nodding slightly. “Yeah, yeah. I'm just....you know. I never wanted this life to put a target on her back. It could have ended so much worse. She's been through enough because of us.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam knew just what Dean was thinking about. From the death of her brother at the hand of rugarus to various encounters with other monsters and demons. Gwen had experienced her share of trauma and injury like they all had but this had been the first time she'd been specifically targeted and taken.</p><p> </p><p>“I know. I know. It didn't though. She's safe and we're going to figure everything out. Right now, we both need to sleep. She was pretty worried about both of us getting sleep. The other Gwen might only know us from the TV show but she still cares about us, about Jack. That's what I'm going to focus on.”</p><p> </p><p>When Dean didn't answer or move, Sam sighed. “Go take that shower and try to relax at least, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine.” Dean got up and walked only a few feet before he stopped. “Don't even think about touching that pie. I'll break your fingers.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam rolled his eyes. “I'm not going to touch your stupid pie. Go take a shower. You stink.”</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever.” Dean grumbled, heading for the bathroom. “Bitch.”</p><p> </p><p>He couldn't help but smile a little as he let himself flop back on the bed. “Jerk.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>Gwen wrapped a towel around her body and carefully stepped out of the shower almost expecting to see a call button for the nurses station just like she'd automatically looked for the safety bar. She had to actively remember she wasn't in the hospital anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Looking at herself in the mirror that was apparently a specialized one that didn't fog up, it was still baffling to see a full head of hair, even dripping and wet. She must have washed her hair three separate times just because she could now. She had always been one for long showers but this one had to have gone on the record books even for her. There'd been no worries about getting fatigued and needing to sit at all.</p><p> </p><p>There was a strong chance she was the cleanest person in the state at the moment.</p><p> </p><p>She had gotten a bit choked up as she had undressed for the shower, just seeing herself in a body that was healthy. No bruises. No scars. Not underweight and pale. Healthy.</p><p> </p><p>It was going to take more than just a few hours to have it really sink in that this wasn't a dream. This was her reality now.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn't dying anymore.</p><p> </p><p>She took her time drying off and getting dressed, now in comfortable lounge clothing. Like washing it, brushing her hair took a fair bit of time just for the novelty of it. Finally she had to make herself put down the brush and actually leave the bathroom. The last thing she wanted was for Jack to think she was avoiding him. He'd been very sweet in letting her pick out what they would watch and making sure she was comfortable in every way. He was incredibly intelligent, something they'd only really hinted at on the show but here she knew that this Gwen had had a major hand in Jack's educational development.</p><p> </p><p>No need to have her degrees go to waste. What better use than to help raise one of the most powerful beings in existence next to Chuck or Amara? It helped that Jack was very inquisitive and eager to learn all that he could.</p><p> </p><p>What she didn't expect to see was Jack on his laptop, focused on what he was reading but also seemingly upset at whatever was on the screen. His brow was furrowed, his jaw clenched. Had a new case come up or an old enemy reared their head? “Jack? What's wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>He looked up surprised and for a moment, just a moment, she thought he was close to tears. “Oh. Hi.” He said with fake enthusiasm raising his hand in greeting like a reflex. “I didn't hear the bathroom door. I'm fine, it's nothing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jack, I bet your mom and I both took the same psychology courses and your face is telling me that's not true.” She moved to sit on the other bed, facing him so as not to crowd and pressure him. She had to remember that despite looking like he was in his 20s, he was in reality just a baby still, a toddler. “And you have a very expressive face besides. You can tell me. What's wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>He looked down and then back up sheepishly, realizing his attempt to pretend for her sake had failed. “I just....I wanted to understand what you had gone through, with your cancer. I haven't met anyone who had cancer, I don't know much about it. So I researched, like you, like my mom and Sam taught me.”</p><p> </p><p>Oh.</p><p> </p><p>She could just imagine the horrible things the boy had seen or read. Hell, she knew from personal experience just how horrible they were. She'd researched like a demon, no pun intended, when Jimmy got sick, so determined to find something, some miracle that would save him. When it had come to her own illness, it had been less about saving herself and more about figuring out just what her chances were.</p><p> </p><p>“I feel very....ignorant. We fight demons and monsters but this, this cancer is a monster too. How many people are suffering and dying like you were and nothing is being done? People online say that it could be cured but pharmaceutical companies care more about making money than saving lives. Doesn't that make them monsters?”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen sighed. How many times had she heard the various conspiracy theories, the tragic deaths that could have been prevented, the frustration from both patients and their families? “It's a matter of perspective Jack. There's so many details, so many laws and things that we don't even know about that go into that. It's better than it was years ago. It's not an automatic death sentence. People can recover with treatment. I just wasn't one of them, neither was my brother.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't understand, why not you?”</p><p> </p><p>She tried to think of a way to explain it that the boy would understand. “Think of it like people being possessed. Some people are more susceptible, right? Some are just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Others are just lucky in never being even seen by a demon, some are just naturally strong enough to resist them. Jimmy and I, were both around my mom's chain smoking for years and were genetically predisposed to cancer. It ran on both sides of the family. One of my doctors said that with all those factors, it was just a matter of time.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm sorry. I wish I could have....I wish I'd ended up in your reality somehow. That I could have used my powers to save you. To save your brother. I wish I could have saved him here too.” Jack's eyes were full of sympathy and genuine sadness with perhaps a touch of guilt, no doubt learned from the Winchesters.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen couldn't help herself and got up, sitting down next to Jack and this time, she was the one who took his hand. She couldn't help but feel some kind of pride for the good heart this boy had, that this reality's Gwen had helped raise him to have. “I appreciate that Jack, really. Maybe things worked out the way they were meant to. I'm glad I ended up here, with you and Sam and Dean. I'm glad your mom is a hero and helped save my life, just like you did by finding me and killing that Wendigo.”</p><p> </p><p>“She really is a hero. She always says that it's Sam and Dean who are the heroes but she's one too. She supports them so much and she's saved them and raised me when she didn't have to. I bet you are a hero too, that's why my mom helped save you.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen could have cried from the sweet earnest nature Jack had despite everything that had been thrown at him for his entire existence. Whatever this Gwen had done in her effort to help raise him, she had done very very well.“Well I'll have to try my best to not let her or you down, won't I?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam POV</strong>
</p><p>Sam knocked on the connecting door and only had to wait a moment to hear both Gwen and Jack telling him to come in. He opened the door to find the pair watching TV, lounging side by side on the same bed. There was no evidence that either bed had been used for sleep. So much for that hope. He'd managed a few hours while Dean had seemed glued to his laptop, not even making the attempt beyond making himself comfortable on the other bed.</p><p> </p><p>“Morning. How was your night?”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen turned from the screen that was showing Scooby-doo. “Good morning It was a decent night, probably the best I've had in too long. We watched documentaries and TV mostly.” She nodded toward the cartoon where Shaggy was clinging to Scooby in fear. “Please please tell me I, I mean, your Gwen got transported with you into Scooby-Doo. Please!”</p><p> </p><p>Sam shook his head. Their Gwen had been disappointed too at missing out on that particular adventure. <em>Are you fucking serious? I had to play substitute high school teacher to catch some wannabe witches and you got to meet Scooby fucking doo? That is some weakass bullshit.</em> “Sorry, no. She was up in Sioux Falls helping out Jody with a local case at the high school.”</p><p> </p><p>“Son of a bitch.” She sighed almost sounding like Dean. “That would have been awesome.”</p><p> </p><p>As she turned back to the screen, her expression changed. It was enough that Jack noticed it immediately. “Gwen? What's wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing, I just,” she paused, her brow furrowing and her head slightly tilted. “This isn't the first time we stayed up watching TV together. After you were born, after the jail, we stopped at a hotel in Wyoming. Dean was....Dean was being a jerk and we had a fight. Sam got us another room and I stayed with you there watching TV.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam sighed, that particular night not being one of Dean's best by far. He'd missed the fight itself, having headed right out to find their wayward nephilim before someone else could, either Heaven or Hell. He didn't miss the obvious signs of Gwen's tears once she'd caught up to where he had found Jack, sad and dejected, perched on an old milk crate next to a dumpster.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Sam? Sam, did you find him?” Gwen jogged up and let out a big breath. “Jack, oh my god, honey don't do that! You scared me, going off like that.” She moved forward, kneeling in front of the boy and cradling his face in her hands. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jack's eyes were sad as his one hand moved up to cover hers. “I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to be away from all that anger. I don't like it.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen's head dropped for a moment before she looked back up at him. “I don't either sweetie and I apologize. It was very rude to have a talk like that right in front of you. Can you forgive me?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jack blinked, looking at her puzzled. “You were defending me. You were angry for me. You don't need to be sorry.” His one hand moved and he gently wiped at her cheek with his thumb. “Is that why you were crying?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sam sighed. Of course Dean would have been enough of a dick about this whole situation to make Gwen cry. Why not, he'd already caused her to have yet another concussion and had been so single minded in his rage since Jack was born. He blamed Lucifer and since the fallen archangel was in another reality, Dean turned on the next closest thing in his mind, Lucifer's son.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yes. Sometimes people cry when they are sad or scared, like you were and sometimes when they are angry and frustrated, like I was. How about we make a deal? When we feel like we want to cry, we can talk to each other about how we're feeling, okay? If I'm doing something that makes you upset, you can tell me.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jack nodded. “And if I make you upset, you'll tell me?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I will.” She moved to stand up, her hands moving to Jack's to encourage him to stand. “What do you say we do some shopping? You need more clothes and the stuff that your mom and I bought for you wouldn't exactly fit.” She smiled a little but it was a sad smile, no doubt her thoughts with Kelly who had only been gone for 3 days.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>I think that's a great idea. Mind if I tag along?” Sam asked, standing up too. He wasn't exactly eager to get back to Dean right at the moment. He couldn't help but notice his brother hadn't come with Gwen to try and find Jack. He had a feeling that was part of why Gwen suddenly wanted to do shopping that wasn't necessarily a huge priority.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>I would like that.” Jack said softly. “I've never gone shopping before.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen smiled and wrapped her arm around Jack's waist as they began walking down the street. “Let's get to it then!” The enthusiasm she was trying for, for Jack's sake, wasn't really in her voice or in her eyes but it had the desired effect on the boy just the same. Sam gave her other hand a subtle brush and her fingers found his and gave them a brief squeeze. He wasn't going to join Dean in blindly condemning Jack for his lineage. It would have been the same as those who'd gone after him because of what Azazel had done in his nursery.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I remember going shopping for the first time. There was so much to choose from but you, my mom and Sam helped me figure out what I liked and what I needed. And then you and I watched TV all night. You helped me feel better.” Jack spoke up, trying to focus on the positives. “Dean was dealing with a lot then.”</p><p> </p><p>The look Gwen gave him right then told Sam that she knew just what Jack was talking about. “Gwen, do you remember the next morning? You had Jack stay with Donatello while you went to go get breakfast?” He was curious just how easy or difficult it would be for the memories of their Gwen to surface. Perhaps reminders like Jack suggested at the diner the night before would help.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>Gwen thought of what she knew from the show, Sam speaking to what looked like Donatello but wasn't and then Dean bringing back breakfast and being stubborn about Jack. Then the real Donatello showing up and the boys realizing that Sam hadn't been talking to the real deal.</p><p> </p><p>She felt what she could only explain as a separate feeling of confusion at the memory of the episode. Obviously this Gwen hadn't seen Sam talking to Dean and telling him how Jack wasn't only scared of who he was but he was scared of Dean.</p><p> </p><p>Then what had happened here.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She was looking forward to treating Jack to his first donuts. She'd gotten a pretty good selection for him to try. She had a feeling their nephilim had a bit of a sweet tooth. She'd endulge it. He wasn't exactly your average baby as it was. Considering his powers, she was pretty sure he couldn't get a cavity so that was another worry out the door. Donatello had been nice enough to let Jack stay with him while she headed out for the treats on her own. The prophet was a bit strange to be sure but considering what they were forced to experience and deal with, she could understand it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She hadn't had much time to herself since Jack was born. A few moments here and there but she'd taken her time going to the shop and picking out donuts. Just something to feel normal again and ignore the weight on her heart. She hated the way Dean was acting even though she understood why. She missed Castiel too and Jack was a constant reminder of the angel, the nephilim somehow choosing to look like the lost angel. She hoped she was doing right by Kelly but if she was honest, she had been expecting an actual baby, not a 20 year old looking baby.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She took the stairs to the floor that held their rooms when she heard the familiar sound of a fight coming from Sam and Dean's room and worse, she could smell sulphur. That could only mean one thing, demons. Dropping the bag of donuts, she dashed to the room Sam had gotten her and grabbed the angel blade on the bed, Castiel's blade, before running to the room. Dean was struggling with a demon, the demon throwing him bodily onto the bed and more importantly knocking his weapon away.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dean might be rather high on her shitlist right now but she'd be damned if she would let anything happen to him. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She ran over and with both hands on the handle, drove the blade into the demon's back. It yelled in pain as it short-circuited, the term Dean used verses what angels did when they died, the flashbang. She pulled the blade out and shoved the now dead and vacated body to the side. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dean, out of breath and a bit bruised looked up at her in surprise. “First angels, now demons. Terrific.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I guess the word is out.” She said, holding out her hand to help him up. “You okay?”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>I've been worse. You?” His eyes looked her over with practiced ease, checking for any sign that she'd been hurt before she saved him.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Same.” </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sam burst into the room then and before Gwen could ask where Jack was, Dean was up and grabbing his own angel blade. “Donatello.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Wait, I left Jack with Donatello.” </em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>That wasn't Donatello.” Sam said before they got into the hallway to watch Donatello get shoved into a wall by a demon who then got an angel blade thrown into his neck thanks to Dean.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>What do you mean that wasn't Donatello?” She moved forward to where the boys where helping Donatello up from the floor, his eyes on the body next to him. “I left Jack with you before I went out for donuts. Where is Jack?”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>I got up early and went to get burritos. I haven't seen you before now.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>What the fuck? Where is Jack?!” She began to feel panic. Had the boy been taken by the demons? Who had she been talking to? Who had she left Kelly's son with?</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Gwen, calm down. We'll find him.”</em></p><p> </p><p>She gasped as the memory let her go, looking to both Sam and Jack. “I killed a demon? With Castiel's angel blade?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam nodded. “You saved Dean's life. And it wasn't the first time either. Want to go get some breakfast with me? Jack, Dean could use some help packing up and clearing the warding.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” Jack said, nonchalantly sliding off the bed. “Can you see if they have french toast sticks? I like those.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack's POV</strong>
</p><p>Jack stepped into the other room after Gwen and Sam left to find Dean sitting on a bed that looked unused, focused on his laptop. “Good morning Dean.” He paused, taking in the other bed that was obviously slept in and the fact that Dean was still in the same clothes from the night before. “You didn't try to sleep?”</p><p> </p><p>Dean looked up and shrugged. “Couldn't shut my brain off. How was your night?”</p><p> </p><p>“Good. We just watched TV mostly. Gwen, the other Gwen, is a lot like Mom. She's struggling to deal with everything and trying not to show it, but I see it. I researched about cancer while she was taking her very long shower. I wish it was something we could hunt down. No one should have to suffer like Gwen did or her version of Uncle Jimmy.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean closed his laptop and sighed, putting the device to the side and nodding to the bed for Jack to sit down. “I was researching too. You okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Jack shrugged. Dean wasn't usually the one he talked about feelings with but there were times that Dean was willing to talk, usually when it was just the two of them. His mom explained that sometimes people felt they had to maintain an image around others so they only opened up when it was more private. Jack was pretty sure it was more about not wanting to be hurt, but he wouldn't say anything like that to Dean, it would be rude. “I was upset. I felt very ignorant. I was angry too, that so many people are dying. That a version of Mom had been dying. But I talked to Gwen about it and I understand better.”</p><p> </p><p>“It didn't bother her to talk about it?”</p><p> </p><p>“No. I think she'd come to accept what was going to happen. She'd gotten used to being sick. Does that make sense?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah buddy, it does. I wish cancer was something we could hunt too. But it's just part of life. It sucks, but there we are.” He paused. “Did Sam take her somewhere?”</p><p> </p><p>“They are getting breakfast to go. I'm supposed to be helping you pack and clearing up the warding. The other room is already set.”</p><p> </p><p>“We didn't really unpack so that's pretty much done. I'll take the bags out to the car and you can clear the warding, alright? Thank you for staying with Gwen last night. I know it's not easy to see her and have it not be your mom to talk to.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't mind. She really is a lot like Mom. Mom's in there, Gwen was remembering Wyoming. When I teleported for the first time and then when she saved you from Asmodeus' demons. She was upset that Mom didn't get to meet Scooby-doo.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean smiled a little, having gotten up and put the laptop away. “Some stuff is universal I guess. Let's get moving. We want to try and get back to the Bunker as soon as we can.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you think Mom's still in danger?” It had been incredibly difficult when Gwen had been missing and hard to deal with the fact that there were now two souls in her body. He didn't want to think of her potentially being taken again or worse.</p><p> </p><p>“I don't know. I hope not. But it's better to be safe than sorry. Besides, the new Gwen needs somewhere safe and quiet to deal with everything and the Bunker might help trigger your Mom's memories or whatever into surfacing.” He stopped and rubbed his hands over his face vigorously. “I just want to have her where we can keep her safe.”</p><p> </p><p>“I understand. I do too. Give me a few minutes and I'll meet you at the car.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean nodded. “Thanks buddy.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Dean POV</strong><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>As Zeppelin's Black Dog started playing through the speakers, Sam groaned. “Seriously Dean? Come on, something other than Zeppelin for the trip home.”</p><p> </p><p>From the backseat, Dean heard Gwen's soft voice speak up. “House rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean couldn't help it when he snorted in amusement. Now that he remembered distinctly from when he picked up Sam from Stanford. “That's my girl!” He blurted out of instinct. His eyes flicked up to the rearview to see if she reacted to the slip and he could only see the hint of a smile and maybe a bit of a blush? “Today, it's lady's choice for making me laugh before coffee kicks in. Whatever you want, even your orchestral stuff.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'd be okay with some Bob Seger. You kinda helped introduce me to one of my favorite songs, Night Moves?”</p><p> </p><p>Dean's eyebrows went up. Gwen liked Night Moves? Had she ever mentioned liking that song before? “How'd I do that, sweetheart?”</p><p> </p><p>“Umm, the episode in Oregon. With the nachzehrer, the ghoulpires. Sam hooked up with that waitress and you were teasing him.”</p><p> </p><p>He grinned. “Ghoulpires! That's right!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah, with Deputy Dumbass being the head of the pack.” Sam spoke up, already dutifully digging through the tapes to find the one requested. “Tell me Gwen, how do you kill a...” he looked to Dean and sighed. “I'm not saying it.” Then he continued. “How do you kill a nachzehrer?”</p><p> </p><p>“It's already dead, you just have to remind it. You decapitate it and then put an coin, a copper coin in it's mouth. The equivalent of an obol. A penny before 1983 works because after that they are more zinc.” She rattled off. “I was rather impressed they included that on the show...I mean that you knew that off the top of your head.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam grinned proudly. “At least someone appreciates my knowledge.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean rolled his eyes, pulling the box away from Sam and finally finding the Seger tape. “Whatever, ya giant nerd.”</p><p> </p><p>He popped the tape in, by some miracle it was already at the point to play Night Moves without having to play around with it. He looked to the back seat to see a soft smile on Gwen's face as the opening guitar riff introduced the song, her focus out the window. Maybe things were going to work out after all he hoped as he put the car into gear and pulled out of the parking space and then out of the parking lot onto the street as Bob began to sing.</p><p> </p><p>When the chorus began, he looked in the rearview again to see Gwen mouthing the words, still with a smile to her lips, her eyes closed and her face bathed in the morning sun. If the situation was different, he'd be teasing her about being a human plant, the way she seemed to gravitate toward sunlight. She'd make some comment about living in a Bunker and needing to get all the sun she could.</p><p> </p><p>But right then, he couldn't say anything. How long had it been since this Gwen had been able to be out in the sun? He'd done his share of Googling the night before, much like Jack had told them he had while they were packing up the rooms, Sam and Gwen getting breakfast on the go from the restaurant. It had made his chest hurt, imagining any version of Gwen going through all that pain and discomfort. He wondered if the chemo she'd been on had prevented her from being in the sun or if her eyes had been weakened by the medications meant to fight the cancer. How long had it been since she'd even been outside, nevermind in a car for hours on end?</p><p> </p><p>He tried to push all of that out of his mind, instead trying to focus on the image in his rearview now, Gwen healthy and relaxed with the morning sun dappled across her face.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>Gwen took a deep breath looking up to the overcast twilight sky from where she stood, within eyeshot of the Impala at Dean's request. They'd stopped to fill up and stretch their legs before the final bit of the trip back home to the Bunker. It was both surreal and incredibly familiar riding in the Impala. It still felt like a dream, sitting in that car with Dean driving and Sam sitting in shotgun. How many dozens of episodes had she watched with this perspective but now, it was her perspective. It was real.</p><p> </p><p>Dean was still kind of quiet and she couldn't blame him. He was talking and being friendly but something told her he was holding back quite a bit. She'd noticed that Sam and Jack were doing a good part of the talking and actively bringing him into the conversation. He'd been stressed with his Gwen missing only to find her with an extra passenger. Was he thinking about when Sam had been an unknowing vessel for Gadreel or when returned from Hell without his soul? Or even farther back, when they had rescued John from Azazel only to realize he'd been possessed the whole time? Was he wondering just how much she knew thanks to the show or how he'd been portrayed and how his Gwen would react?</p><p> </p><p>At times it was difficult to keep up with the conversation just because it felt like not only did she have something to say but so did the other Gwen. The sense of her, that separate feeling was very strange and disconcerting. Not only was she having a conversation with the boys but then she would get flashes of memory or it would make her think of an episode of the show and she would feel the other Gwen's reaction to that which wasn't always the same as hers when the show had just been fictional entertainment.</p><p> </p><p>Jack was sweet in his endeavor to get to know her as a person, not just concentrating on the melding thing so he could get his mom back. The strange thing was, there weren't all that many differences it seemed between her and the Gwen that belonged here. Small minute things and then the major differences began around the time this Gwen got to go to London verses when Jimmy was diagnosed with cancer.</p><p> </p><p>Sam had been more talkative than Dean but she could tell he was very curious to know just how far along the show she knew had gone verses this reality and just how much was different. He'd been very clever in trying to ask without asking. She hoped that a question of her own would help to begin to answer his. She walked back over, noting that Dean was watching her and trying not to make it obvious that he was. “Okay here's a question that should help me figure out what I can tell you without potentially messing things up. Where's Lucifer right now? I mean, the last you knew?”</p><p> </p><p>“Trapped in Apocalypse World. We went to get Mom and Jack and ended up saving like 25 more people. Lucifer got trapped there. Sam took care of it. He can't get out. He's stuck with that reality's Michael.” Dean explained simply, leaning against the Impala while Jack filled her up. “Hopefully they've torn each other to pieces.”</p><p> </p><p>Wait, what? That was a huge difference from the show she knew. Potentially a very important huge difference. If Lucifer and Michael were trapped, then Jack wouldn't lose his grace. The whole debacle that was Dean being Michael's vessel and creating the super monsters wouldn't happen.</p><p> </p><p>But how often were major villains ever really defeated on Supernatural? They'd gotten Lucifer back in the Cage at the end of season 5 only to be tricked into releasing him in season 11. How could they be so sure he was gone? She felt not only her own anxiety but that of the other Gwen who had actually faced Lucifer in the flesh. The slimmest chance of him coming back terrified her, not only for herself but for the boys, especially Jack. She felt an overwhelming rush of the need to protect her son at all costs.</p><p> </p><p>Given what had happened to him on the show thanks to Lucifer, Gwen couldn't blame her.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam POV</strong>
</p><p>Sam was surprised when Gwen moved and grabbed Dean's arm boldly. She'd been so shy and nervous until now, nearly any physical contact had been initiated by them, not her. That alone was enough to convince him that there was another Gwen in there. Their Gwen was very tactile and affectionate, not that he minded. It was nice to get hugged and not have it only be thanks to coming back from the dead or worse. “Are you absolutely sure? There's no way he could get out? No way that that reality's Michael could come here? That Lucifer could come back? Dean, it's really important.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean looked down at her with as much surprise as was on Jack's face as he hung up the gas pump and stepped over to join the conversation. Sam knew Jack was having just as a difficult time with the situation as Dean was, as he was if he was honest. “I'm sure. They've been gone over a year. We made sure there's no way to open the rift. Rowena did some big mojo and then Death made sure to throw in some of her power to make sure. Cosmic balance and all that. They can't get out and no one can go back in. Ever.”</p><p> </p><p>“Apparently this reality goes different than the show I watched. Even more than the addition of me, of this Gwen.” She let go of his arm and stepped back almost talking to herself. He wasn't sure how the communication between the two souls went so there was a fair chance she was actually talking to their Gwen. “So the main part of season 14 didn't happen and won't happen. Okay, one less thing to be scared of.”</p><p> </p><p>“Gwen, what exactly did you see on the show?” They understood that things were different because she came from a reality that had her watching a show instead of being part of their lives but it sounded like things took a much different turn than expected. Season 14? There were 14 years of the show in her reality?</p><p> </p><p>She looked up at him. “Lucifer and Michael figured out a way to follow you back here. Lucifer remembered the spell Rowena used and made a deal of getting Michael here and letting him do whatever as long as he could take Jack and leave. Dean....you...you said yes to Michael to try and save Sam and Jack from Lucifer who took Jack's grace and things just went to absolute shit from there.” She took a deep breath, almost babbling with her summary, her hands waving with emphasis. “You can't EVER say yes to him. Not ever.” Her eyes glanced to Jack. “If you love your son, you can never ever say yes if Michael managed to come here. Not to that Michael.”</p><p> </p><p>That made all three of them raise their eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head and a near smile took her lips. “Jack was your adopted son on the show just as much as he is here. And Sam's and Castiel's. Lucifer isn't his father. Not his real dad anyway. He's a Winchester in all the ways that matter.” She looked to Jack with almost a familiar fondness.Maybe their Gwen was helping her to remember. The confidence in her tone told him that she knew that it was a fact like water was wet. “Right Jack?”</p><p> </p><p>The boy nodded, surprised but pleased at how accurate she had explained things. “I'm your son too. You're the only mom I've ever known. I hope you'll come to remember that.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm sure I will.” She gave him a nod back. “On the show that I know, it's pretty much 3 Dads and a Nephilim. It's sweet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, Castiel is so Guttenberg. I'm Selleck.” Dean said with a bit of a boast to his voice. Leave it to Dean to immediately have to add on to the pop culture reference. Sam had to wonder if he was trying to deflect from the idea of having actually said yes to Michael and to have it go terribly wrong. The Michael from this universe was one thing but the one from Apocalypse World was a whole other nightmare.</p><p> </p><p>Almost in unison, he and Gwen disagreed. “No, you're Danson.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean threw his hands up in the air like he was annoyed, turning dramatically on his heel. Sam saw that he was actually happy to see Gwen being like herself, at least the self they knew. “Oh great, now he's got more backup? Fantastic.”</p><p> </p><p>“Somethings are universal truths no matter what reality you are from, sorry Dean.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean shook his head. “I'm gonna go in and pay. Anyone want snacks or whatever? Gwen, the usual?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>The memory hit her like a ton of bricks, making her gasp and put her hand on the Impala to keep her balance. The memory of the first big roadtrip in the Impala that this Gwen ever had, heading to the Bunker after Jimmy died. It was just her and Dean, Sam had taken her Camry with the small Uhaul trailer hitched to the back of it. She hadn't packed up her whole house, just the real lore books Jimmy had had, some clothing and other small things. The boys were still concerned there was potential danger so they split up and were taking alternate routes back.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen woke up confused. Hadn't it been night just a minute ago? Now there was sun shining in telling her she'd slept a lot longer than she thought.Somehow Dean had been right about how tired she really was when he insisted she at least rest her eyes and lay down. Blinking, she realized that she'd managed to sleep through having Dean's flannel tucked around her too. She took a deep breath and somehow found the scent of his mild cologne or aftershave along with the smells of the Impala to be somewhat comforting. The motions of the classic car had lulled her right to sleep.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Hey sleepyhead. Feeling better?” Dean asked from the driver's seat, his eyes flicking to the rearview mirror.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Mmm. I'm okay. A bit confused. How long was I out?” She sat up and decided to give in to the temptation and just put on Dean's flannel. It was huge on her but that made it more appealing to wear somehow. Despite losing Jimmy the way she had, she knew she was incredibly lucky that Dean and his brother were the ones who had come to try and head off the plans those rugaru monsters had for that ancient book. How many others would have gone through so much effort to help her after, even to the point of suggesting she tag along with them for a while?</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She doubted few if any.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Then again, she had a feeling that Dean and Sam were far from the average hunter just from the last week of knowing them and what stories they had told. How many people knew that god actually preferred to be called Chuck and sang folk songs? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Nearly the whole night and a good part of the morning. I was going to wake you up for breakfast but you needed the sleep.” He turned the wheel and the car slowed as he pulled over to the side of the road. “Wanna come back up front?”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She nodded and bit back the groan of the few aches that had been created by sleeping in the backseat of a car rather than an actual bed. She slid onto the sun warmed passenger seat and closed the door with a now familiar creak. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He reached down to the plastic Biggerson's bag that was by her feet and pulled it up onto the seat. “Like I said, you were sleeping so I got some stuff for you to snack on. Sammy's making good time and is going to meet us for lunch in Casper. See anything you like? I wasn't sure what you'd want.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She peered into the bag to find a few bottles of water, two cans of Monster energy, a cherry Coke, a regular Pepsi a few different candy bars and some chips. It seemed in his effort to cover all potential bases, Dean had bought a fair amount. It was kind of adorable. “It's great. Thank you. Did you eat?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yeah, I grabbed a breakfast burrito thing at Biggerson's.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>You don't mind if I eat in the car?” She asked as he pulled back out onto the road. She wouldn't be surprised if he was a bit touchy about keeping the Impala clean.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Nah. That's why they made vacuums. How'd you sleep?”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She opened one of the Monsters and took a long sip before carefully tucking it between her legs and opening one of the bags of chips.How much easier would she have had it with her PhDs if Monster had been around then? “Okay I guess. I don't know if I dreamed. Must have been pretty deep, I don't remember you covering me. Thank you for that.” She ate a few chips before she continued. “I hope this wasn't a favorite flannel because it's comfy as fuck.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dean snorted in amusement. “Already stealing my clothes? Haven't we skipped a few steps in our relationship?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen shook her head at his teasing. “Oh no, that's not a step. It's more of a law of nature.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Dean POV</strong>
</p><p>Dean moved quick to Gwen's side at the sound of her gasp as did Sam and Jack. They both kept a look out while he checked on her on the small chance they were being attacked. The route he was taking back to the Bunker should have guaranteed they weren't being followed but he knew life had no guarantees. Especially for a Winchester. “Gwen? Sweetheart, what is it?” He put his hand on her arm, ready to catch her if her legs gave way.</p><p> </p><p>She sucked in a breath, her one hand to her temple. “A memory. I guess your Gwen was really emphatic that I see it or something.” Her hand moved to rest on his arm, this time not gripping at it in concern there was a chance that Lucifer could return. “I'm okay. It was just a little overwhelming. Ooh.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jack, get the door.” He commanded, gently guiding her to sit down and squatted down next to her, much like he had last night. Was this going to be a regular thing? “Can I ask what you remembered? What she shared?”</p><p> </p><p>Her head raised up and there was a small smile that made his heart ache because of the affection he saw in it. It had to be a good memory, right? “My first roadtrip with you. Waking up in the backseat of the Impala and the way you cleared out a Biggerson's so I'd have my choice of drink and snack.” Her smile widened a little. “And the first flannel you sacrificed for me.”</p><p> </p><p>He let out a breath of relief. “You call it a sacrifice, I call it the first in a string of robberies.”</p><p> </p><p>“With more than one victim. A few of mine have disappeared too.” Sam spoke up. “I'm surprised Cas didn't lose his trenchcoat to you.”</p><p> </p><p>That made Gwen giggle. “Well there's two of us now, he better be careful.”</p><p> </p><p>“Speaking of being careful, what do you want in the store? You should have something, we don't know if the whole two soul thing means you need to eat for two or whatever to replenish.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen shook her head, giving his hand that he hadn't even realized he'd had resting on her knee a squeeze. “It's not like I'm, we're pregnant. But let's hedge our bets. Can I get a cherry Pepsi and some Pringles?”</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely. Just sit here and relax, I'll be quick.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean gave a look to both Sam and Jack who both nodded in understanding. They needed to be careful with Gwen while the two souls worked on communicating or melding or whatever friggin thing was going on. He didn't want to think about how much potential strain the whole situation was putting on her brain, genius level as it may be. He'd have to ask Cas to check her out again and maybe get Rowena to check too.</p><p> </p><p>Research would have to be done but off the top of his head, he wouldn't even know where to look. It wasn't a possession, it wasn't a soul swap like Sam dealt with with those kids years ago. As the door tone went off alerting the staff to a new customer, his hand absently went to his chest, remembering the feel of that soul bomb he'd carried in a last ditch effort to stop Amara. It hadn't tickled and he knew that all the souls Cas had temporarily housed from Purgatory hadn't been comfortable either.</p><p> </p><p>Shaking his head, he went for the back fridges, remembering himself that roadtrip from Seattle to Lebanon. She'd barely slept in the days after her brother died and the hunter's funeral they gave him. Dean had called in more than a few favors to make sure the real authorities wouldn't investigate Jimmy's death. That would cause more than a few headaches and that was the last thing Gwen needed. What she had needed was a major amount of sleep.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dean looked in the backseat where Gwen was still asleep. He knew eventually she would crash and now she was catching up on all the sleep her mind hadn't let her have in the days since her brother died. She looked so tiny but he had a feeling she was much tougher than she looked. He shrugged off his flannel and tucked it around her carefully, not wanting to wake her up.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He honestly didn't know if bringing her home to the Bunker with them was the best idea. Their lives were far from stable or safe. But he knew they couldn't just leave her behind. It was more than just the promise he'd made to the dying man to protect his sister. There was something about her, something that'd bowled him over when they first met and would have Sam teasing him about dropping his fake FBI badge for years.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He wasn't a romantic kind of guy, he wasn't. He couldn't be. He'd been more of a love 'em and leave 'em guy over the years and with good reason. If he didn't have any connections, they couldn't be used against him. He'd learned that lesson the hard way when Lisa and Ben had nearly been killed more than once because of him. How many times had Sam been hurt to try and get to him? The last thing he wanted was for Gwen to end up another victim because of him. More collateral damage.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But he couldn't just walk away from her. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It wasn't love at first sight. That just didn't happen unless one of those creepy naked cupid guys shot you in the ass or whatever they did. He couldn't explain it, not even to himself but whatever it was had been noticable at least to Sam and even Jimmy. “That's my baby sister, Dean. I don't care of she's a grown woman, she'll always be my baby sister. You seem like a good guy, so I'm just reminding you that we live on a good amount of property right next to a nature preserve and I watch a lot of crime shows. Got me?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>His stomach gurgled, telling him it'd been too long since he'd had anything to eat and he knew the same went for the sleeping woman in the backseat. Easing himself out of the car, he grabbed the pump and filled Baby up, hoping that they would be able to get to the Bunker without too much delay so Gwen could really settle in and hopefully relax a bit. Sam would know best how to help her process her grief or whatever Dr Phil crap was popular at the moment.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Once the gas was pumped, he went into the Biggerson's to pay. Looking around, he realized that even though they had been through a fair bit with Gwen in the last near week, he knew very little about her food preferences. She wasn't a health nut and he knew she liked caffeine but not coffee. She and her brother owned a coffee machine that was more for visiting friends and graduate students. He grabbed one of the personal shopping totes and headed for the drinks. She could pick from a variety and they'd go from there.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Shaking himself out of the memory, he headed for the counter with his purchases, throwing in a few candy bars for both Gwen and Jack. Looking outside, he saw just Sam standing by the door, Jack no doubt having moved to sit in the car with Gwen. They would figure this whole thing out. He could do this, they could do this.</p><p> </p><p>What he wouldn't do to kill that warlock prick again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm probably updating this too fast but I'm hoping that with each chapter, the urge to comment will become too much. Please please comment!</p><p>Accidently reposted! This is the better version, I promise. I will try to actually not be brain dead next time &amp; post a real chapter 10. Thanks for your patience❤</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>“Gwen? What is it?”</p><p> </p><p>She opened her eyes to see Sam looking at her concerned. He'd been showing her around the Bunker while Dean made calls to various people to let them know she was found and safe. Apparently there'd been a hunter APB put out to try and find her after she'd been taken. At that moment they were standing in the center of the Bunker, the shelves lining the walls filled to bursting with books that weren't props but actual lore books.</p><p> </p><p>The Bunker wasn't a set, there was no film crew or false walls. She was in the real Men of Letters bunker and somehow it looked almost exactly like what she had seen on the TV show. How that was even possible made her feel a bit overwhelmed and made close her eyes to try and calm herself down. She could almost hear one of her nurses telling her about how the mind could control the body, that she was in control of her breathing and blood pressure. She just had to focus on something that made her feel safe, something familiar.</p><p> </p><p>“I just...it's a lot. I was thinking about how I had been so excited to get to Harvard but once I was there, once I was alone without Jimmy or Dad, I was so terrified. I spent my first couple nights at the library. I always feel safe around books. ” She admitted. She knew she could trust Sam, he of all people would understand. Now she had to wonder what it was like for him after the fight he'd had with John, telling his father he was going to college and being told to never come back. Had he been scared or relieved?</p><p> </p><p>He smiled, a hint of dimples showing as he ducked his head a little. “Me too. I've spent more than a few sleepless night out here, you have too actually. Our Gwen, I mean. Books are a comfort.”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded, she'd had a feeling that was the case. There was so much that she had in common with the Gwen from this reality, a shared love of books was almost a given.</p><p> </p><p>“Unless it's the Book of the Damned. I can't imagine a book made out of skin would be anything but disgusting.” She shuddered.</p><p> </p><p>“As long as you didn't think about it, it wasn't too bad. We've seen worse.”</p><p> </p><p>“So your Gwen, she does research with you? Watching the show, I was always curious about the research.” The show had steered further from actual folklore and myth as the years had gone by but enough made it in that had her wondering just how much research the writer's had put into it and also how much more they could have. Looking around, she almost felt that long lost phantom itch she would feel when she walked into a new bookstore or got a new research idea in her head. Did this Gwen feel that way too when she first came to the Bunker? Had she poured over these books in search of answers to help the boys on a case? Cases that for her had just been stories made up for entertainment not that long ago.</p><p> </p><p>But here it wasn't stories at the whim of a writer. It was real and probably different from the show in many ways though at the moment it felt like she'd walked into an episode. She just had to hope that this particular “episode” wasn't one that was precursored with a “Then” montage playing Carry On My Wayward Son. Those rarely ended without heartache and loss.</p><p> </p><p>He nodded. “Yeah. She's got a real gift for it.”</p><p> </p><p>“And it saves Dean from having to pretend he hates doing it even though he's very good at it?” Her mind went to all the times Dean called Sam a nerd, including just that morning in the Impala, countered with all the times that Dean knew something obscure to save the day. Her personal favorite had been when he'd recognized the Chinese mind control technique that Lady Toni had been using on Mary and that knocking her unconscious was the way to stop it. The separate sense of pride she felt told her that the other Gwen rather approved that she recognized just how intelligent Dean truly was.</p><p> </p><p>Sam smiled wider and nodded. “That's it exactly. I'm guessing he downplays his talents on the show you remember?”</p><p> </p><p>“He acts all conceited about the tough guy stuff but then acts like he isn't just as smart as you are, which he is. He's crazy smart but for some reason thinks he isn't or shouldn't be. Here too, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, though you, our Gwen, has been working on that with him. Drives her crazy when he plays dumb or ignorant or worse, puts himself down.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Alright, so you'll just go in as yourself. Too many people could potentially know you there and considering this alumni thing, it's almost a guarantee. Sam, you'll go in playing Gwen's husband and Jack can just be your son. That way you can both keep her safe. I'll stay out of sight until we have more information about what we're hunting.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen and Sam shared a look of confusion. “Wait, why would I go in as Gwen's husband? You should do that, being her boyfriend or whatever.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dean shook his head. “Sam, come on. Think. I would stick out like a sore thumb around that crowd. No one there is going to believe a PhD like Gwen would hook up with a guy like me. You went to college and you two actually did meet at Stanford, you can play off of that. Just say Jack looks a bit older than he actually is, which isn't a lie and go from there.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen shook her head. “A guy like you? Dean, I wish I could just operate and remove whatever it is in your brain that makes you think you are so stupid.” She stepped forward and put her hands on his chest, looking up into his eyes. “You are one of the most intelligent people I know. I don't care what the snots at Harvard might believe. Their minds would melt if they knew half of what you knew.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dean covered her hand with his own over his heart, a proud twist to his lips. “Love you too, sweetheart but it's better if Sam goes in. The less waves made, the better.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, you guys went back to Harvard on a case and Dean didn't think anyone there would believe I would be with him?” Gwen sighed, her mind going to the episode with the African dream root where Dean encountered a nightmare version of himself that mocked that he was nothing more than a grunt, Daddy's blunt little instrument. She could feel the other Gwen's sadness and anger as well as frustration. “I hope he saw how wrong he was. Some of the most dull people I've ever met were so called intellectuals.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam shrugged. “I know I didn't see very many geniuses there. I mean, no one there realized there was a group of wraiths feeding on them and I don't think they noticed when the deaths stopped or the people the wraiths were posing as disappeared.”</p><p> </p><p>She could feel a separate feeling of satisfaction for the successful hunt and she made an educated guess about the man in front of her. “I'm guessing the same goes for you? Do you beat yourself up for things you couldn't control? Put the weight of the world on your shoulders when there's no need for you to?”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed his shoulders slumping a bit, looking down and then back up. “I have a feeling I'm really going to grow to hate that show, aren't I?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yep. Probably.” She shrugged. “Sorry. I swear I'm not some crazed fangirl or anything. I just have a kind of freaky memory and had nothing but time to watch TV the last few years. Pair that with a Masters in Psychology and you end up psychoanalyzing when you don't mean to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don't worry about it. Our Gwen has a unique memory too. Maybe that will help you both out. I'm curious to see just how much you have in common. I mean, it seems like your lives were nearly parallel but do you like the same foods? The same music? What about handwriting?”</p><p> </p><p>“I dunno. I was wondering the same to be honest. I just can't figure out how our life experiences could have been so much alike considering the different world events. There weren't mass earthquakes or freak weather occurrences all the time for me. No strange so called meteor shower that was actually the angels falling, killer fog or anything like that.” She shook her head. “Is it just a case of cognitive dissonance? People here are so used to weird shit happening that it's just normal? I always wondered about that on the show. I mean, how many times do people have to read about bodies being found with hearts missing or people drained of blood before they start wondering if something is going on?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam shrugged. “People see what they want to see. I've wondered the same thing and so did our Gwen once she learned the truth. It's a bit different for you, I guess your reality had that advantage.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe. Or just a whole other set of issues that somehow remain under the surface and people just choose to ignore it. The mind is a wonderful horrible thing when it comes to what it wants to remember and what it refuses to forget.” Her mind flashed with memories of the last few years, watching Jimmy slowly waste away and die only to watch the same thing happen to herself. Would she ever be able to forget that constant fear, the loneliness, the anger?</p><p> </p><p>“Trust me, I know. Something tells me you know what I mean too.” Sam tried to commiserate.</p><p> </p><p>Of course she knew but the last thing she wanted to do was think about all the negative things she had seen the boys experience on the show or put the other Gwen through that. There would be time for that and she didn't want to focus on the negative. Instead, she chose to focus on a positive she hoped existed here. “Has your Gwen met the hunter Garth? He's here too I hope? He insists on being called a lycanthrope verses a werewolf?” That was one thing Gwen was hopeful that the two realities had in common. She knew there was a strong chance that with the addition of a version of her, there might also be absences.</p><p> </p><p>The taller man chuckled, indulging her heavy handed change of subject. He had to be used to that thanks to Dean. “Oh yeah. He calls you Professor Winchester or The Lady Winchester. He knew you from your books when you first met, even had you sign his copies. You barely got a chance to say hello before he recognized you.”</p><p> </p><p>She felt her jaw drop and her cheeks flush. Just how intense was this Gwen's relationship with Dean that she was being referred to as a Winchester? Garth was a fan of hers? She knew the character was interested in history to the point that he was a Civil War reenactor but that he knew her? Knew their Gwen at least? “Bullshit.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam chuckled, his dimples deepening. “Nope. Garth positive adores you. So does Bess and their daughter. Jack calls him as Uncle Garth. Drives Dean crazy.”</p><p> </p><p>She chuckled a little to herself, imagining Garth talking to Jack with his sock puppet, “Mr Fizzles”. “I can only imagine. Garth is a unique soul to be sure.”</p><p> </p><p>“He's going to be relieved we found you, he had his whole pack mobilized and ready to help us. I'm sure he'll make a trip down or invite us up to see him.”</p><p> </p><p>“I would really like that. When all of this was a show for me, Garth was always one of my favorite characters. If anyone could make being bitten by a werewolf into a positive thing, it would be Garth.”</p><p> </p><p>“That's the truth.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Dean POV</strong>
</p><p>Dean stood back out of sight, just watching Gwen and Sam talking about Garth. His mind was still spinning with the whole two souls thing, nevermind trying to explain it to others so it made sense to them. He'd just been talking to his mom who had asked him more than once if they'd tested to make sure it was really Gwen and that she'd get Bobby looking into any lore. She'd been hesitant to believe it was as relatively simple as it seemed to be. “You don't know if this new Gwen is really who she claims to be. She could claim anything and you'd have no way to prove it.”</p><p> </p><p>She wasn't wrong but he knew she wasn't just being cautious for cautious sake. While his relationship with his mother had gotten better after everything with the British Men of Letters ended and then her return from Apocalypse World, Gwen's relationship with her hadn't. They didn't hate each other but they weren't going out for gossip and lattes. Gwen was intensely protective of him and Sam in ways his mother simply wasn't. His mom knew that they could handle themselves but he'd never admit to her that it'd be nice if she worried once in a while or could manage to stick around for more than a couple days before finding any hunt she could to leave.</p><p> </p><p>Nevermind all they had done to get to Apocalypse World to save her only to have her decide she wanted to stay with the people there and not go home. That one still hurt even if they had figured out a way to bring everyone back so she wouldn't have a reason to stay. Did the stupid TV show that the new Gwen knew show that? If it did, he had a feeling that the relationship between the two women would not be improving any time soon.</p><p> </p><p>As strange as it was to say, he trusted Rowena's assessment of the new Gwen. Rowena had changed so much in the last few years, starting with the whole thing with Chuck, then hunting down Lucifer and Crowley's death. Then after they returned from Apocalypse World, she'd really stepped up to the point that she had a semi-permanent room in the Bunker and often ended up helping the hunters they brought back with various magical needs. Gwen had explained it as the witch trying to attend to the guilt she felt, either consciously or unconsciously for the actions of her life that had led her son down the road he'd gone. He knew Rowena wouldn't risk putting their Gwen in danger, the two women were as close as Gwen wasn't with Mary.</p><p> </p><p>As Sam brought Gwen over to look at a particular book, he thought about the call he'd had with Jody. The sheriff/hunter had answered the phone with “Have you found her?” She'd been more than relieved to know Gwen was home safe but baffled about the extra soul that had come home with her. She'd offered to finish up calling hunters and cancelling the APB that had been placed when they hadn't found Gwen themselves in just a couple hours.</p><p> </p><p>Jody had met Gwen only a few weeks after they did, just before their trip to Canada for the wake and funeral of Asa Fox that didn't exactly go as planned. It was that trip that convinced him that for a college professor, Gwen could make a pretty decent hunter. He knew she'd been terrified the whole time but she'd managed to keep her wits enough to help exorcise the demon out of Jody. It'd been the beginning of their friendship as well as Gwen's role in Jody's own adopted extended family up in South Dakota. That very same group of women had managed to help save his ass and Sam's when they'd ended up in what Kaia had called “The Bad Place”.</p><p> </p><p>“Dean, what's wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>He turned to see Jack observing him with a puzzled look. “Nothing, Jack. I'm fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't believe you. Are you worried about Mom?”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed. He really wished Gwen hadn't taught the kid about microexpressions and how to tell when people weren't being honest. It was bad enough she read him like a book, he didn't need the kid doing it too. “Yeah but not like I was. She's home and safe, that's what matters. The other Gwen coming along for the ride still bothers me a bit.”</p><p> </p><p>“You wouldn't have done the same thing? Save yourself from another reality if you could?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't know buddy. It would depend on the situation. I get that the other Gwen was in a bad situation and your Mom saved her life. I'm proud of her for that. I'm just wondering how long this melding thing will take and how different your Mom will be after or if they'll just be two Gwens in one body.” He turned his head to look at the boy. “You aren't worried?”</p><p> </p><p>He shook his head. “I trust she made the right choice. She wouldn't do anything that would endanger herself or us. The other Gwen just needs time to get used to our world and us too. Like I did when I was born or when I went to Apocalypse World. I think if you give her a chance, you'll see.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean didn't like to think about when Jack was born, simply for the fact of what a mess he was for the first two months of the kid's life. He was a complete dick to the kid, to Sam and especially to Gwen. How she stuck around, how she hadn't given up on him after all of that, he still didn't know. “Yeah, you're right.” He clapped Jack on the back. “Why don't you say goodnight to Sam and your mom? You need to rest from all the grace you've been using. You did really good, finding her before that Wendigo did. I'm proud of you.”</p><p> </p><p>Jack beamed with the encouragement. It made Dean wonder, not for the first time, if he'd ever beamed like that to his own father who had been rather sparing in his encouragements. What he remembered was mostly criticism about nearly everything. It had made him a better hunter but he knew it had hurt him in more ways than one. “Thanks. You should rest too, you haven't slept in days.”</p><p> </p><p>How could he sleep with Gwen missing? Even the night before in the hotel with her safe in the next room, he couldn't sleep. That exhaustion would catch up with him just as it would catch up with Sam who was nodding to something Gwen was saying before bringing her over to another set of books and explaining something complete with hand gestures. Of course he would bond with the other Gwen over the same stuff he had with their Gwen, books.</p><p> </p><p>“I will. Come on, let's get everyone to go to bed, alright?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack POV</strong>
</p><p>Jack led the way over, reminding himself that the woman in front of him was both his adopted mother and not his mother at the same time. The other Gwen seemed very nice from the time he'd spent with her so far. It made him sad to think that she'd been so alone and close to death before her soul had been brought to their reality. He hoped she would be able to adapt to their universe quickly and be happy here. The hunters from Apocalypse World had mostly all adapted, so she could too. He would help.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi Jack.” She greeted, turning from the book that Sam had been showing her.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi. I wanted to say good night before I went to bed. Both the angel and human sides of me are still a bit worn out. I've used a lot of grace in the last few days.” He wasn't sure if he would actually sleep, but he would at least lay down and listen to music.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes you did, buddy.” Sam said with a smile, closing the book and putting it back before giving his shoulder a squeeze. “You did really good.”</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely. Thank you for saving me. I really appreciate your patience too, with all of this.” Gwen spoke up, tapping her temple.</p><p> </p><p>“You are handling yourself very well, I think. We'll all help you as best we can.” He knew that by helping the new Gwen he would be helping his Mom. Gwen had always been there for him no matter what. She'd never been afraid of him, even when he had been afraid of himself. She took care of him from the day he was born and now it was his turn to take care of her. Well, her and another version of her too.</p><p> </p><p>She gave him a smile then and reached out to give his arm a squeeze. “Thank you Jack, I know you will.” Her brow furrowed for a second. “I was wondering where Castiel is. He doesn't stay here with you guys in the Bunker?”</p><p> </p><p>“He's working with Rowena on taking apart where the warlock had you. Making sure that dick didn't have friends or any other surprises for us. I guess he had a pretty extensive magic collection or something. Why, you feeling okay? I can send up a prayer and get him here in a second.” Dean stepped closer, concern on his face. Even though Dean had said nothing was bothering him, Jack could tell, thanks to what Gwen had taught him about body language and also his own observations that that wasn't true. Dean had struggled very much while Gwen was missing, his anger almost like that from when Jack was born. It had almost been worse because it was near directionless, there was no clear villain, no one to blame for her disappearance and no way to know just why she had been taken.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen held up her hand. “No, don't. I'm okay, honest. I was just curious. On the show I know, angels don't have their wings ever since the fall. Just the archangels and Jack of course. They have them back here?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not all of them Gwen. Cas got his back recently. It's a bit of a long story.” Sam spoke up as he put away the book he'd been showing off. Jack knew from the look on his face and Dean's that it wasn't a story they wanted to get into right then and there. He was getting better at reading expressions thanks to his mom's careful teaching. He hadn't thought about the events that would be very different from the television show Gwen knew because that show hadn't had her as a part of Sam and Dean's lives and then his.</p><p> </p><p>“I'm sure there are a ton of very long stories ahead of me. I'm glad he has his wings back. Didn't seem right otherwise.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, why don't I give you the basic tour so these two can get some sleep?” Dean suggested. “So you know where to go if you want a snack or something.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks.” Gwen said, almost shyly. She turned to Jack and gave him a smile. “Thank you again for saving me and sitting with me last night.” She initiated a hug and Jack felt that was a rather big step in terms of trust. He remembered how his very first hug in that jail cell had shown him just how Gwen wasn't afraid of him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jack was confused and hurt with the news that his father, the angel that he'd reached out to in the womb and chose to be his father was dead. His mother had trusted him to keep him safe. He'd never gotten to meet him in person. This world already had him feeling so very uncertain and now it seemed that much more dangerous. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen, the woman his mother told him would help Castiel raise him, took a deep breath before she spoke. She wasn't afraid of him like the man next to her, the one she called Sam. “It's okay to be sad Jack. I'm sad too. So is Sam. You just can't focus on that sadness, that's not what Castiel would want.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>How...how do you know?” His mother had trusted this woman and he knew he could too from when he'd reached out to her as well. She was just human though, how could she be so sure?</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She got up and moved so she was squatting down at his side, looking up at him.“Castiel was my very good friend. He always wanted his friends, his family, to be happy and be safe. That's what he was trying to do when he died. He was trying to protect you and all of us. Do you understand?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I think....did I...did I hurt him? Is that why the other man tried to hurt me?” He flinched, remembering the man trying to hurt him and lashing out to protect himself. He didn't want to hurt anyone, this world was already so frightening. Gwen's voice was soft, comforting. She wasn't demanding like everyone else seemed to be. She was patient with him. He liked that.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She reached out slowly and took his hands in hers. He let her, his long fingers hesitantly examining hers. He wondered if she wished he had been born as the baby she expected him to be. Was she disappointed that he was grown? “No sweetheart. You didn't hurt him. That...that was Lucifer. But let's not focus on that right now. How are you feeling?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I...I don't know. I feel confused? I expected...Castiel was going to protect me.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>I know. But we're here and we're going to do our best to protect you. That's what Castiel would want. Will you let us do that?”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He nodded. “My mother said I should listen to you. That you would tell me the truth and explain things I don't understand. You tried to help Castiel protect us from Dagon.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She smiled up at him and he noticed the discoloration on her forehead and how her one eye was slightly swollen. Despite that, she was showing him kindness. “That's right. Is it okay if I give you a hug? Those make me feel better when I don't feel my best.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>A hug?”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yeah. Come on, stand up.” She stood, and gently pulled on his hands so he would too. She was rather small compared to him, though the other man was even taller. She gently wrapped her arms around his waist. “Go ahead, it's okay.” Slowly, her wrapped his arms around her and then without anyone telling him to, tucked her head under his chin. Somehow, it just felt right. “That's really good Jack.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>I like this. It makes me feel safe.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“I'll always save you.” He murmured, hugging her close. Just like that first hug the day he was born, he felt safe in her arms and hoped she felt the same.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>“Thanks for being so patient with me Sam. I know this whole situation is as hard on you guys as it is for me, for us. You know.” Gwen stumbled, not really knowing how to term things still. It wasn't like having two souls in one body was a regular thing in her reality or reality hopping at all.</p><p> </p><p>“You are handling it like a pro, Gwen. Both of you.” Sam said with a just a bit of a wink. “I'll see you in the morning.” He gave her a quick hug before stepping back, giving Dean a brotherly slap on the shoulder and heading off presumingly toward his room in the same direction Jack had taken.</p><p> </p><p>Now they were alone probably for the first time since those few awkward minutes in the hotel room. She had to hope she wouldn't end up sticking both feet in her mouth again. “So are you hungry or anything? We keep the kitchen pretty well stocked. We try to anyway.” Dean shrugged, scratching at the back of his head and Gwen felt a bit of something that could only be described as nostalgia. The Dean she knew from the show was always full of bravado around women but apparently not with her. Interesting.</p><p> </p><p>“Not really but I wouldn't mind having something to drink. Maybe a ginger ale?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah we got that. I'm guessing you don't drink alcohol either, huh? Your mom?” He gestured for her to step before him and moved to walk along side her.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Pretty sure she put the liquor store owner's kids through college before she died. You don't mind?” Among the many details she'd been wondering about in the last day or so had included the fact that she didn't drink and how did that mesh with the Winchesters who very much did drink.</p><p> </p><p>Dean sighed. It was obvious what she was alluding to. “The show?”</p><p> </p><p>She shrugged. “I'm not judging. If I had to live through what you've gone through, I probably would have ended up drinking too. I'm just curious how that balances with someone who doesn't drink at all.”</p><p> </p><p>“For one, I don't drink half as much as I used to. That's a kind of balance. I have less of a reason to, I guess. Something, someone to focus on instead of a bottle. She worries about me. I don't like making her worry.” He gently touched her back and nodded to the doorway that led to the kitchen. “Sam told me you were concerned about him and I getting some rest last night. I guess worrying is just a universal Gwen trait?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yep. Like I said before, this isn't just happening to me. You've been under a ton of stress no doubt. I guess that's part of the gig as a Winchester and a hunter but it doesn't mean it can just be ignored. At least by me anyway.” She babbled as he opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of ginger ale for her. “I'm sorry, I babble when I'm anxious.”</p><p> </p><p>He gave her an amused smile. “Yeah, I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Another universal Gwen trait, I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>“Looks like. Listen, you know you don't have to be anxious around me right? You can trust me.”</p><p> </p><p>She felt her heart beat a little faster at the way he was looking at her, his eyes so earnest and honest. She'd never really thought about how tall Dean was before since discussion about height tended to focus on Sam. For her, they were both giants, as were Castiel and even Jack. She almost wondered if that was half the reason this Gwen and Rowena got along so well, solidarity in shortness.</p><p> </p><p>“This sounds corny but I mean it when I say it's not you, it's me.” She paused as he chuckled. “I'm just overwhelmed is all and I don't want to overstep or make your life anymore difficult than I already have. I'm thankful your Gwen saved me but it's all a bit overwhelming.”</p><p> </p><p>“Overwhelming is practically cruise control around here. You'll figure it out. Just don't be afraid to ask for help.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen raised her eyebrow. This coming from the guy who was notorious for leaping into trouble and not asking for help?”</p><p> </p><p>Dean held up his hands. “I know, huge hypocrite over here. I'm self aware. I know.”</p><p> </p><p>She couldn't help but laugh a little. She was glad the real Dean had a sense of humor like the one she'd known from the TV show. She could only hope he would have a bit more patience than the Dean she knew from the show because she was probably going to need all she could get.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, okay. Here's the real chapter 10. I double checked and everything that I'm not accidentally reposting nearly the same chapter, etc etc. I'm so embarrassed that I did that. </p><p>Anywho....actual new chapter! Lots of Dean. Please comment!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>“And this is our room.” Dean explained, opening the door to show a room that was on the very first glance, almost completely different from the one she'd seen on the show.</p><p>There were familiar elements, namely the weapons hung on the wall and the lackluster style in terms of paint or lighting. The bed was fluffier and looked more comfy, less utilitarian. A TV mounted on the wall above a long dresser facing the bed and another to the side. There was even a closet area where she could see what was no doubt Dean's suits and more than a few flannels.</p><p>It looked much bigger than she'd expected or remembered from the show with a door that she assumed led to a private bathroom. That definitely hadn't been on the show. Hadn't his bed faced the door too?</p><p> </p><p>She took his encouragement to step in and look around. “Any of it seem familiar?”</p><p> </p><p>“Kind of. It's different from the show a little. More than a little, really.” She pointed to the weapons on the wall, including the rough hewn obsidian axe. “You brought those back from Purgatory, right?” Purgatory was a real place. She mentally shuddered at the concept.</p><p> </p><p>He nodded in approval. “Yeah I did.”</p><p> </p><p>She turned and noticed in the corner of the room diagonal from the bed were framed pictures. She paused for a second, getting a brief memory of Dean insisting on the pictures going there rather than on the dresser across from the bed. <em>I'm not being irrational. It's weird to have pictures of people looking at you when you're in bed and you know, not exactly sleeping. It's creepy! Just tell me what you want where and I'll put them up for you, okay?</em></p><p> </p><p>There was one of the Winchesters before the night of the fire. It was hard to believe Sam had been so tiny or that nearly everything she'd seen on the show had really happened here. Another of the brothers a little older with their dad who even then looked hard in the eyes. She felt an inquisitive feeling come from the other Gwen, no doubt wondering how much she knew about John Winchester verses what she'd learned from the boys. That was a subject she just did not have the energy to unpack right then and there. She was pretty sure the definition of conflicted had a picture of John Winchester next to it.</p><p> </p><p>Another picture of the boys was more recent but with Mary standing between them. Obviously taken after she was brought back as a thank you from Amara and here, she actually did look younger than her sons and not that much older than Jack. Of course, Mary Winchester had only been 29 when she died. Had that led to any kind of awkwardness here?</p><p> </p><p>One frame held two pictures of this Gwen with her Jimmy, similar to one she'd had but slightly off with how full his hair was and the fact that she didn't have glasses. One was when she was just a toddler and another from what looked like a graduation. Then what looked like a family picture of her hugging Jack's neck from behind as he was seated on a bench, a big smile on both their faces with Sam and Dean on either side of her, Castiel, Jody Mills and Donna Hanscom to Jack's left, Mary and Rowena to his right. It looked like it had been taken outside and they were all really happy.</p><p> </p><p>That rarely if ever happened on the show she was familiar with.</p><p> </p><p>Then there was a very familiar picture, she'd had it as one of the pictures she brought with her to the hospital. It was the same exact picture, she would swear to it. She reached out and pointed to it. “I have this picture. I mean, I had it too.” She turned her head and looked to Dean who stepped over. “That's my dad, when he was in the Navy.” At least she didn't have to go without some kind of family momentos here. How strange that things would be so similar and yet so different between two realities.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah I know. I always tell her...I mean tell you...” Dean sighed, obviously frustrated with how to word things. “I wish I could have met him. He seemed like a tough old guy. Probably would have been best buddies with our Bobby.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen laughed a little. Come to think of it, her dad had been a bit like Bobby Singer in the way that he was no nonsense with very little filter but with a huge heart. “You know, I think you're right. He'd be calling you a dunky while Bobby called you idgits. And no doubt just to creep us all out, he'd flirt with your mom and probably Rowena too. He was always a flirt, my dad.” She turned and saw a weird look on Dean's face. “What? Did I say something wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>He shook his head and moved to sit on the bed, scratching the back of his head. “No, it's just kinda messing with my head how much you are just like our Gwen. She told me about the dunky thing. His version of idgit.” He chuckled to himself. “Jack always wants to hear stories about Grandpa Liam. He thinks of your dad like a grandfather. He wanted to have a middle name, so he chose Liam.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen put her hand to her chest at the idea. “Really? My dad would have loved that. He always wanted to be a grandfather. I don't know if he would have handled the whole son of Lucifer thing and all that too well, at least at first. He was raised Catholic after all.” She moved to sit on the bed with him, feeling horrible at what this whole thing was doing to him. “I really am sorry for what you are going through. You must really feel like I'm hijacking your girlfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed. “I kinda do but I don't. I mean, you are essentially the same person with a few years difference in experience. You didn't ask to be pulled over here or force your soul in there.” He paused before continuing. “Sam mentioned you said you'd gone through your cancer fight alone after Jimmy died. You didn't have a boyfriend or anything over there taking care of you?”</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head. “Nope. I was too focused on school and my career. Then Jimmy got sick and I focused on taking care of him and then well, that was the ballgame.” She shrugged. “I mean, at least till I woke up in the woods in a different reality about to become a lunchable for a wendigo. Puts things in perspective I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean smiled a little, shaking his head. "I can't believe I'm saying this but that stupid show almost prepared you for this. It just creeps me out that there's more than one reality where my life is watched for fun.”</p><p> </p><p>She shrugged. “Does it help if I feel guilty for it now? I mean, my reality, it's actors playing characters on a page. To know that probably most of what I watched actually happened to you? I mean all those times you died? That Sam died?” She choked a little, taking a deep breath. She could feel the horror from the other Gwen, no doubt somehow accessing her memories of the show and comparing them to what the boys had told her over the years. Even then, something told her that neither of them would really ever truly understand all that the boys had gone through over the years. How they survived it and not have it be because a writer decided that they survived blew her mind. It made her think of the episode that introduced Chuck who later turned out to be God. “I'm so sorry you went through all of that.”</p><p> </p><p>“You didn't exactly have it easy on your side either with being sick and everything. Just a different version of hell I guess. I'm guessing you never met the actor version of me? The guy who pretended to be me, I mean?”</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head. “Nah. Though I might of if I hadn't taken a downturn just before a show convention I'd planned to go to. He's married with kids in Texas.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh. Texas again? Why is it always Texas?” He half wondered to himself before shaking his head. “Guess he's got it pretty good, family man and all.”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess.” She didn't say it but he had a similar situation, albeit a bit more unconventional. From what she could tell, his relationship with this Gwen was probably a near common law marriage situation and Jack was their son, just not biological. Had they talked about their future together, having kids or was that a non-starter given the dangerous life the Winchesters led? They'd been together nearly two years, that was probably a record for Dean and if she was honest, for her too.</p><p> </p><p>Too many detailed questions that after only a short time in this reality were none of her business at all.</p><p> </p><p>Not yet anyway.</p><p> </p><p>He stood up, rubbing at the back of his neck again. “Listen, I don't want to make things awkward for you. I know that all of this is a big change and everything. If you aren't comfortable with, you know, all of this,” he waved between them and then the bed, “I totally understand. I can bunk out in one of the other rooms or we can make another room yours or something...”</p><p> </p><p>She reached out and touched his arm, immediately stopping his babbling. She could tell just from his body language that the last thing he wanted was for her to go to another room, that bothered him so much he couldn't look her in the eye when he brought it up. It had been one thing last night at the hotel but being at home in what was their shared personal space was much different, much more important to him. Having her here would cement for him that she was home, that she was truly safe.</p><p> </p><p>She was just a little extra now.</p><p> </p><p>“Dean, stop. It's a big change for you too. I'm getting a good idea of how much your Gwen means to you and just how much you mean to her. I'm actually kind of amazed she got you to settle down. I mean, I looked almost the same as this before I got sick and I couldn't imagine you noticing me out of all the other women out there. I mean, you know.” Now she was babbling like a schoolgirl with a crush. She couldn't help it, he was an incredibly handsome man and a hero besides. Who wouldn't find that attractive? How did Dean Winchester of all people choose a history professor to fall for?</p><p> </p><p>He took a deep breath, his eyes searching hers. It wasn't exactly helping her state of mind. How the hell were eyes that green actually real? “So I guess I was a manwhore on the show?”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded, holding up her hand with her fingers just barely apart. “Just a little bit. Not as bad as you could have been. Less though in the last few seasons, at least that they brought attention to. Too much going on.”</p><p> </p><p>“I noticed you the moment I met you. There was a click. I always thought that kind of thing was made up but it happened.”</p><p> </p><p>The way he was looking at her almost made her hold her breath, it was that intense. It was one thing watching the show, ogling Jensen Ackles playing the character but this was actually Dean Winchester and he wasn't acting or following a script. This was genuine. Somehow she knew he was being completely honest with her. And that the click he described had been mutual. The feeling of absolute affection coming from the other Gwen and a memory of an “Oh.” moment when they first met told her that much. “And that click saved my life.”</p><p> </p><p>His eyes widened. “You remember it?”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded, a vague memory of it coming from the other Gwen. Her working in her office on campus after returning from England, sitting on the floor going through boxes. Dean flirting with her when they first met but not being fake and cocky but actually stumbling over his words. He'd even dropped his fake FBI badge like he couldn't do two things at once. It had been adorable and endearing. He'd been so inquisitive about getting to know her, so focused that he was nearly distracted from the actual case they were working. The way he'd been so incredibly supportive after Jimmy died and how much it had surprised Sam. He'd told her months later after she and Dean got together. <em>Don't get me wrong, I love my brother but I've never in my life seen him so immediately devoted to someone, to a woman, in his life and have it be real devotion, not just lust.</em></p><p> </p><p>“It's hazy. You do what you always do, blame yourself for the decision you made even though there was no right or wrong. If you'd gone for Jimmy first, I could have ended up dead. There was no way to know you couldn't save us both.” She gently tugged on his wrist to get him to sit down again. “I know you are probably angry about this whole thing, that the Gwen you know acted so recklessly, not knowing what would happen, letting another soul in her body.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I kinda am. But I haven't exactly been the role model for not acting recklessly. Maybe she got it from me. I don't know that I wouldn't have done the same. I mean, you were dying. Really dying. To let that happen when you could stop it, it'd almost be like suicide.”</p><p> </p><p>“That's one way of looking at it.” Somehow, she'd saved herself. Who would have thought?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Dean POV</strong>
</p><p>He fought to keep reminding himself, this wasn't really 100% his Gwen. But somewhere she was in there and the two versions weren't really all that different. She was being so patient with him, the touch of her hand, the sound of her laugh, the way she spoke, it felt right. Could this meld thing work? Was he betraying his Gwen by wanting it to work? She would find a way to make sure he knew how she felt if he was, wouldn't she?</p><p> </p><p>This shit made his head hurt.</p><p> </p><p>“How do you want to do this?” He asked finally. More than anything he just wanted to go to bed, his arms wrapped up around her tight. The last few days since she'd been taken while doing a supply run for the Bunker had been hell. Then he gets her back only to find out that there's an extra passenger? At least the other Gwen knew about the various tests and had volunteered to hold a handful of silver bullets and the water she'd had to drink after Rowena's spell had been holy water.</p><p> </p><p>So at least the extra passenger wasn't most monsters or a demon.</p><p> </p><p>“Well I'll be honest, I'm still a little afraid to sleep. I'm afraid I'll close my eyes and open them to find myself back in the hospital. Not being attached to a dozen machines and actually eating food and walking around on my own is so amazing, I can't even tell you. To go back to that shell?” She hugged herself and shuddered.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey.” He put his hand on her knee gently when all he really wanted to do was haul her into his lap and never let go. Her being kidnapped was bad enough but imagining her dying of cancer and being helpless to stop it made him want to throw up. “You aren't going to end up back there. I understand how you feel though. It was rough for me, after I went to Hell. I kept expecting to be back on that rack every time I closed my eyes or worse.”</p><p> </p><p>Her small hand covered his on her knee. “Or be the one facing the soul on that rack?”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed and closed his eyes, letting his head drop. She knew about that too? “I really hate that show. Please tell me they didn't show what I did. I don't need this Gwen knowing what I did there.”</p><p> </p><p>“It's okay. It was just what you confessed to Sam and what you did to Alistair who really deserved so much worse. No one, neither of us, I mean, are ever going to judge you for what you went through in Hell or in Purgatory, or with the Mark or as a demon. You've always come back from it.”</p><p> </p><p>He opened his eyes to see such sympathy and understanding in hers. How could anyone like her, either of them, ever care about someone like him considering all he had done. Had she seen him slaughter the Steins, including that kid? How much of Purgatory had she seen? He didn't even want to imagine what this stupid show had shown of his time as a demon. “So it sounds like I was your favorite on the show huh? Posters on the wall, the whole nine?”</p><p> </p><p>She snickered, probably recognizing like his Gwen always did, when he used humor to deflect. “Maybe. I'll never tell. Sam did have some very nice love scenes you know.” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh!” He cried, making a face. “That's just wrong!”</p><p> </p><p>Now she was downright giggling, no doubt pleased in the reaction she got out of him. “That's what you get for being conceited!”</p><p> </p><p>He couldn't help but laugh. He couldn't help but feel happy, hearing her giggle. Somehow that felt like a good sign. At least the other Gwen seemed to be comfortable enough with him to laugh. “Alright, fair enough. Barely. Are you tired at all?”</p><p> </p><p>“A little. It's been so long since I've slept without being drugged to the gills with painkillers, I'm probably exhausted and just don't recognize it. Do I have pajamas somewhere?”</p><p> </p><p>He decided to be bold and just test the waters with this Gwen. “Nope. This Gwen doesn't believe in pajamas. Insists on sleeping in the nude. Yup. She threw out everything I had too. Sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen raised her eyebrow and tilted her head before snorting. “Nice try Winchester. Bullshit artist.” She got up and moved right to the dresser with her clothing, going right for the pajamas. “Can you just try to behave yourself while we get this whole thing in here settled? Make an attempt at least?” She gestured to her head with a swirling motion.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine.” He pretended to grump though secretly he was pleased at how quickly she'd learned where her pajamas were kept. The communication between the two Gwens seemed to be working at least. “I feel like I'm outnumbered here and I'm lodging a formal protest.” He grabbed his pj bottoms that had been thrown over a chair.</p><p> </p><p>“Make sure you lodge it with someone who gives a damn.” She replied with a singsong tone, heading for the connected bathroom and closing the door behind her.</p><p> </p><p>He almost grinned as he undressed. His girl was still there.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>She closed the bathroom door and shook her head. It felt weird to have Dean Winchester actually directly flirting with her. Of course, she was sharing a body with his girlfriend. She paused and looked around the bathroom, a bit confused. Instead of having the cramped, no muss no fuss look that most of the rest of the Bunker had, this bathroom almost looked like something out of Better Homes and Gardens. It was huge for a bathroom. This definitely wasn't included in the show she knew. There she was pretty sure it was like a communal bathroom situation.</p><p> </p><p>This was so much better.</p><p> </p><p>There was a sizable stand alone shower against the wall on the far side of the room that simply went to a drain in the floor, divided from the rest of the room only by a frosty glass pane. A step over and she could see a large overhead type showerhead and a rather decent collection of shower gels, shampoo and conditioner to one side. There were two hooks, one with a light blue loofah and another with a dark green one.</p><p> </p><p>What really stood out was the huge white porcelain clawfoot tub. There was a stylish basket just to the side of it and opening it she found different bubble baths and candles.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>It was really nice of you girls to want to take me out for my birthday, I really appreciate it.” Gwen thanked again as the group made their way down the steps into the Bunker. Last year there hadn't been a chance for a celebration, her birthday happening right after Castiel returned from the dead and then Jack took off. They'd been so stressed out looking for him, she completely forgot about her own birthday.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Strangely though, Dean had strongly insisted this year and had apparently haphazardly planned for her to have an overnight girls spa weekend with Jody and Donna. It had been nice, to get away for a bit, though she felt guilty about leaving Jack behind. He'd been very intrigued about birthday celebrations. His first birthday had happened while he was in Apocalypse World where there was no celebrations of any kind.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>It's our pleasure! Besides, you need a break from those Winchesters once in a while.” Donna teased. “Anytime you want a break, you give one of us a call. Us girls gotta stick together, dontcha know!?”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen laughed, hugging the blonde after she put down one of the bags that was filled to bursting with bath oils, soaps and candles from the spa place they'd taken her to. It had been very much needed after a very stressful year. “You got that right. Thank you so much.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I'm glad you had fun. We have to do that again, at least get the massages. I could use one of those every week!” Jody smiled, giving her a hug. “I wonder where the boys got off to. I figured they'd be sitting here waiting impatiently for you to come back.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>I dunno. They would have called if something came up, like a case. I'm sure they are hunkered down somewhere watching TV or in fast food comas. I'll find them. The Bunker isn't that big.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>“<em>Dean? Sam?” Gwen called out, confused. They weren't in the kitchen and not in Dean's self proclaimed DeanCave. She didn't think they forgot it was her birthday. Maybe they didn't have the chance to call to let her know a case had come up? She checked her phone, no messages.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>We're in here!” Sam's voice called out and she realized it was coming from the bedroom that had once been just Dean's but they now shared.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Still confused, Gwen lugged the bags from the spa with her to find the bedroom empty. “Boys?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>In here!” Castiel's voice came from the bathroom. The door was closed.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Do I want to know why you are in the bathroom? You guys aren't punking me on my birthday because I swear I'll get Jody and Donna back here and have them kick your asses and I'll record it on my phone.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dean let out a bark of a laugh.“Just open the door, sweetheart!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Taking a deep breath and prepared for the worst, she opened the door. What she didn't expect to see was that the bathroom was lit only by the candles on a sheetcake that was resting on a rolling cart and was much bigger somehow. Castiel perched on a brand new counter with two sinks and a large vanity style mirror, Jack seated on a closed toilet that looked like one a normal home would have instead of the rickety old one that had been installed by the Men of Letters. The walls were freshly painted and there looked to be new tiles too. The piece de resistance though was the huge clawfoot tub that wouldn't have fit in the cramped little room it had been before and sitting sideways inside it with their legs hanging over the side were a grinning Sam and Dean.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Happy birthday!” The four cheered. Jack even went so far as to toot a little cardboard horn.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Oh my god....what....what is all this?”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Your birthday surprise, duh.” Dean teased from his spot. “You've been saying how it would be nice to have a real bathroom in this place, how it was too bad the Men of Letters hadn't thought about treating themselves. Well, here it is.” He struggled a little to try to get out of the tub, his position awkward. “Cas, a little help?”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Castiel hopped off the sink and moved to help Dean out of the tub, the hunter groaning and muttering he was too old for that kind of thing. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Wait, you guys did this yourselves?”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yep. We worked all weekend on it while you were off at the spa.” Sam said with a proud smile, managing with a little manuevering and bit more room now that Dean was out of the tub to get out himself. “You have no idea how hard it was to keep this secret.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>It helped that Jack and I could use our abilities to do the heavier lifting and take down the wall that was here. And teleport the tub in.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>I learned how to paint and use grout!” Jack said with a grin. “I picked out the tiles too. Do you like them? I wanted you to have something relaxing.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen almost couldn't speak, she was so touched. After everything in the last year, including dealing with Lucifer and Apocalypse World only weeks earlier, she never expected something even remotely close to this for her birthday. “You did this for me?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Gwen, you've had a rough year and I know we haven't exactly always been there or been too helpful. We all wanted you to know how much you mean to us and have a place to escape to when we drive you around the bend.” Sam explained. “Happy birthday.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Happy birthday, sweetheart.” Dean said softly, giving her a one armed hug and a kiss to the temple. He wasn't big on public displays of affection and it was a bit crowded in the bathroom besides. “Come on, blow out your candles before they melt away.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Make sure to make a wish! That's important!” Jack encouraged.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The four men cheered as she did so and Gwen was pulled into a hug from Dean, then Sam who made a point of lifting her off her feet and placing a loud smack of a kiss to her cheek. Then Castiel, his grace washing over her in his usual way and then Jack who seemed keen on hugging the stuffings out of her. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She stumbled a little and put her hands on the sink, a touch overwhelmed not just from the memory but the emotions behind it. She looked to the mirror, to eyes that were hers and not hers. “Holy crap. The internet would have melted if they'd put something like that in the show.” She murmured to herself and well, to the other Gwen.</p><p> </p><p>Then she got a flash, just a tease, of the room bathed in the candlelight of normal candles, not birthday candles and the tub full of water and bubbles. And the reflection in the mirror of her with Dean, relaxing in the tub together, him lazily running bubble covered fingers up her arm and nuzzling her neck.</p><p> </p><p>“Ok now I might melt. Seriously?”</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head, trying to focus on changing into the pajamas and not the idea of slippery naked time with a certain green eyed hunter. She was still struggling with actually being in a different reality, nevermind suddenly not being on death's door anymore and about to share a bed with Dean friggin' Winchester.</p><p> </p><p>She made use of the toilet, washed her hands and then used what was clearly her toothbrush, Dean's was more plain without any frills. She washed her face and took a few deep breathes before turning to the door and opening it up to find Dean seated on the bed, now in a tshirt and pj pants, fiddling with his phone.</p><p> </p><p>“There you are. I thought maybe you fell in. You okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Just got a bit of memory.” She decided to be bold and stepped over to give him a kiss on the cheek. “That was some birthday present, redoing the bathroom for her. For me, I mean. You know.”</p><p> </p><p>His eyes widened a little and then he smiled. “Yeah. One of my prouder moments. That tub is pretty fantastic huh? Very roomy.”</p><p> </p><p>She punched his arm without even thinking about it. Something told her she did that lot because of his tendency to tease. “Don't tease me! Jerk!”</p><p> </p><p>He cackled triumphantly. “Oh sweetheart, I live to tease. It's a win every time I get you to blush.” Now he leaned over and gave her a peck to the cheek. “And I win all the time.” He got off the bed and headed toward the bathroom. “Get tucked in and settled. I'll be right out.”</p><p> </p><p>The door closed and she took a huge breath and let it out slowly. She wasn't dying from cancer anymore but she was pretty sure that Dean Winchester was going to be the death of her.</p><p>***</p><p>“<em>Were you sleeping in here?”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen felt immediately embarrassed at the question, having stopped by Dean's room to see if he wanted anything to eat or whatever. The boys hadn't said very much about their weeks of solitary confinement except that it was worse than Hell. And they of all people would be able to make that comparison. It had been bad enough that they were both willing to sacrifice themselves just to escape. She pushed down the anger she still felt for that, reminding herself that Castiel had prevented them from having to follow through or for Mary to do so in their place.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She hadn't even known the boys very long when they'd gone missing. It had only been a few days from when she had brought her to Jody's to when she learned Castiel couldn't find the boys and Kelly Kline, Lucifer's baby momma, was missing too. Weeks of searching for them, having every hunter keeping their eyes open, staring at the phone, hoping for a call.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>They'd been gone for about a week at the time and she'd barely slept at all. Her eyes were bleary from lore books with complicated locator spells, her laptop and just the effort of not giving in to her emotions. How had these boys become so important to her in such a short amount of time? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>How had Dean become someone so important to her and would she ever be able to tell him?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She'd been so distraught and lost, she'd almost gone to Dean's room on autopilot, crawling into his bed and being surrounded by the smell of him. She'd finally cried then, letting out her fear that somehow she'd failed them, the fear they were hurt or worse and she had no idea how to help them. After everything they had done for her and they had been through together, she couldn't figure out how to save them like they had saved her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>After that night, she nearly slept in Dean's room every night, just to be close to him somehow.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Umm, yeah, sorry. I know you like your privacy.” She mumbled. Part of her was screaming to just tell him how she felt, that he felt the same otherwise he wouldn't have kissed her like he had the moment he saw her. How right that had felt, even if he'd been in a dirty jumpsuit in the middle of nowhere. Another part of her didn't know if she wanted things to change, to potentially lose what she already had.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He'd stepped forward then, the jumpsuit long gone, a shower taken and now he was in his usual worn jeans, t-shirt and flannel. “Do I sound like I wanted an apology?” He reached out and cupped her face with his large hand and it took everything in her not to press her face into it. He was here, this was real and not just a daydream. “Things weren't much better out here than they were for us in there, were they?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She swallowed, avoiding his eyes. “I didn't know....I didn't know what to do. How to find you. What to do if I couldn't...” Her voice choked, not wanting to think those dark thoughts that'd permeated her existence the last few weeks.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Hey.” He said softly, his hand moving to the back of her neck as he pulled her into his arms. She had to fight not to shudder at the feel of his hand against the sensitive back of her neck or the way he'd nonchalantly done the motion. “Don't think about that anymore. You did everything you could. I'm sorry you went through that.” He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. His hand was warm and heavy, moving to cradle the back of her head, the other around her mid-back. “I know you were doing everything you could. You helped us, helped me more than you can know.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She pulled back a little even though she didn't want to. Being wrapped up in his arms, surrounded by him was the best she had felt in weeks. “I don't understand.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He gave her a soft smile before he leaned down and kissed her. It was a different kiss than the passionate sudden one in the woods on the side of the road. It wasn't desperate, it was determined, it was calm and confident. “I missed you every day.” He murmured against her lips, barely pulling back to speak. “Just kept thinking, I gotta make it out of here. I need to see Gwen again.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She didn't know what to say then, she just kissed him again, one of her hands stroking his face. He kissed her back, one hand moving to close the door to the bedroom behind her before pressing her up against it and she all but pulled him against her more.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Stay. I don't want to know another night without you.” He panted against her lips, their kiss growing in demand and passion.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>I'm still mad about your little plan with Billie.” She murmured as his hands moved down to cup her ass, pulling her up against him more, letting her feel just how much he didn't want her to go.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Fair enough.” He conceded, urging her into wrapping her legs around his waist and carrying her back to the bed, his face buried in her neck.</em></p><p> </p><p>Gwen startled, the sound of the toilet in the next room startling her from the memory she'd been experiencing. Holy shit, that was when they became a couple? It was a much different ending than the episode she'd seen. She took a deep breath, trying to focus on getting comfortable in the bed and not the phantom memory of how Dean's hands felt helping her undress, the feel of his skin under her fingers, the heat of his breath as he panted against her.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop it!” She hissed in a whisper to herself. “You aren't helping!”</p><p> </p><p>Something told her that the other Gwen had been influenced by the tease that was Dean Winchester.</p><p> </p><p>She was doomed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just a reminder that this fic takes liberties with most canon, specifically anything from Remembering the Life of Asa Fox but especially from about three quarters of the way through Exodus. The joys of fiction.</p><p>Thanks for reading and please, comment! I love feedback!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>She managed not to startle awake, not used to waking up in a bed without the constant beep of machines, the hiss from the oxygen, the smell of antiseptic. More than that, she wasn't used to waking up with someone next to her, practically laying on top of her. When they went to bed, Dean had been very sweet about making sure she was warm enough and letting her find what made her most comfortable, considering his teasing before that. Laying with her head on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around her had been nice. More than nice if she was honest, it felt so right, so natural. Somehow they'd switched roles in the last few hours. He was laying half on her and half on his side, face in her neck, his arm wrapped tight around her.</p><p> </p><p>It was much better than waking up drugged in a hospital bed, scared and potentially confused thanks to the drugs or hurting because of a lack of them. It was a very fine balance that she wasn't going to miss at all, even if it meant trying to deal with living in a whole other reality. Here she was healthy and cancer free. She wasn't dying anymore. She didn't have to be afraid.</p><p> </p><p>“Mmmph. Go back to sleep. You think too loud.” Dean muttered, his lips brushing her neck as his arm tightened around her. His seemingly permanent five o'clock shadow was rough but familiar against her skin. His weight against her was just as familiar and even comfortable, making her feel secure and safe. It had to, considering that she didn't wake up during their apparent change in positioning. How long had it been since she had slept that deeply without any kind of medication or being woken up by nurses taking her vitals?</p><p> </p><p>She tried to ignore the tingles the brush of his lips caused and had a feeling that was a losing battle. How long had the other Gwen been with Dean and he still managed to make her react like that from something so simple? Was that her reaction or the other Gwen's or both?</p><p> </p><p>Ugh. She hated metaphysics.</p><p> </p><p>“You can hear me think now?” Her hand seemed to move of it's own volition, her fingers combing through his hair. She was cuddling with Dean Winchester. How strange had her life suddenly become? It was also kinda awesome even if she was still half expecting to wake up in her hospital room any moment.</p><p> </p><p>He made a happy noise, apparently enjoying her playing with his hair that was a bit longer than she expected but of course nowhere near as long as Sam's.“Nope. I could smell the wood burning. Cedar with a hint of rosemary.”</p><p> </p><p>She rolled her eyes and swatted at his arm. “Smartass.”</p><p> </p><p>He smiled against her skin and sighed. “Yep. My ass is a genius and you know it.”</p><p> </p><p>She snorted at that but kept running her fingers through his hair, the motion feeling as comforting to her as it was to him. Her mind drifted and she found herself remembering something of this Gwen's life from when she was still getting to know the boys and travelling with them on cases. “Do you remember the first time we woke up like this?” It was strange to say “we” when it hadn't involved her but maybe part of the melding thing involved accepting this Gwen's memories as hers and visa versa. It was easier to say at the very least.</p><p> </p><p>He took a deep breath before he answered. “That multiple haunting case in Boise that had to be at the same time as some stupid business convention. Managed to get the last room when we'd been getting two.”</p><p> </p><p>She smiled at this Gwen's memory of insisting that she could sleep on the very crappy looking cot that the motel had begrudgingly provided after getting Dean's death stare and a not so subtle threat about potential health code violations. He'd insisted on taking it himself because contrary to popular belief, he could be a gentleman at times and it wasn't like Sam could fit on it even scrunched up.</p><p> </p><p>“You were so insistent on making sure Sam and I were comfortable.”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged a little, his arm tightening around her involuntarily. “You'd just lost Jimmy just weeks before, that prison cot was the last thing you needed. I've slept in worst places, trust me.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you didn't sleep. Not until I got up and ordered you to get in the bed.”</p><p> </p><p>The feel of his smile against her neck made it very hard not to shiver. “First time you used your Professor voice on me. So totally hot.”</p><p> </p><p>She rolled her eyes and gave his hair a not so gentle tug. “Pervert.”</p><p> </p><p>“Trust me sweetheart, on the scale on pervertedness, that's not even on the same continent as the scale. Do you remember what you said?”</p><p> </p><p>It was strange how the memory wasn't exactly hers but she felt it like it was and somehow she knew that was this Gwen's way of helping along the melding or whatever it was. She herself had never been in that hotel room but she now had the memory of it, complete with demanding that Dean get into her bed. She was very impressed with this Gwen. She wasn't sure she would have had the bravery to do the same. “You were trying to be stubborn, saying you were fine there once you found the sweet spot. I think I said, Winchester, get in the damn bed or I'll drag you there myself.”</p><p> </p><p>He chuckled, his warm breath washing over her neck and chest. “Yep. Oh the things I would have done if Sammy hadn't been in the room. Gets me all tingly when you take control.”</p><p> </p><p>She rolled her eyes again, knowing he was just teasing her, much like he had teased Sam during the Mystery Spot episode for giving the waitress his order without giving him a chance to. She felt a separate feeling of amusement, the other Gwen no doubt experiencing the memory from the show and finding it cute. “And the next morning, we were just like this even though we didn't fall asleep like it. Sam took a picture, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yup. It's one of my favorites.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh and you were all apologizing when you woke up because you were afraid I'd be all creeped out by you showing your true self verses the super confident manly man persona you put forth.” She smiled to herself at the memory she was experiencing, Dean nearly falling out of the bed in his efforts to get out quickly without looking like it and apologizing all the while. Sam had been all but cackling like a mad man in his amusement. It made her think of the episode that introduced the Ghost Facers and the pranking war that'd occurred during it. She felt other Gwen's affection at the memory, seeing how young the boys had been and how easily they'd been to laugh then. The next decade or so hadn't really offered many moments like that, at least on the show.</p><p> </p><p>Then a memory was given to her, happening after Castiel had returned from the dead. Again. The five of them sitting together watching an Abbott and Costello movie and Sam regaling them with the story of the case where Dean had ended up in actual lederhosen thanks to a lonely and slightly delusional shifter. She could feel Gwen's amusement at actually seeing Dean in that costume thanks to her memory of the episode.</p><p> </p><p>That made him raise his head and his eyebrow, bringing her back to her current situation. “My true self?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yup. Dean Winchester. Hunter and seeker of cuddles.” She giggled as he made an annoyed pursed look. “Look out! He's got a gun and a willingness to snuggle!”</p><p> </p><p>He slumped back down to his original position. “Shaddap.” There was little argument to his tone, he knew she was right.</p><p> </p><p>“I will if you let me up. I can't sleep anymore and you are still exhausted.” She held up her hand before he could protest. “You are outnumbered, mister. Both of us can see it. I'm gonna take a shower and get something to eat. You need to sleep.” It was strange how she felt almost comfortable laying in the bed with this man who for her had been a character on a show and who she technically had only really met little more than a day before. Was that because of watching the show or a combination of that and the memories from this Gwen?</p><p> </p><p>Nevermind that she was getting a better sense of the other Gwen, like another personality but not. She could think of more than one psychology professor she'd had that would have had a field day with her current mental situation.</p><p> </p><p>“I could make you breakfast if you want. I'm a pretty good cook.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm know you are but I'm still getting used to eating normally and being in a healthy body. And that is entirely bizarre to say out loud, I know. Besides you need to rest. I'll be okay on my own. I'll get the coffee ready for you. Your Gwen worked at a coffee shop like I did during her undergrad, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yup. Out at Haaaavvvaaad.” He teased with the exaggerated Boston accent.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay good. Then I'll try to have the Winchester Special or whatever you call it ready when you get up.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed before moving so she could get up. “I'm not that tired.” He yawned, defeating his own argument. “Dammit.”</p><p> </p><p>“Go back to sleep.” She eased out of the bed, still marvelling at just how easy it was. No aches or pains, no nausea or vertigo from just sitting up, not needing to be detached from anything or use a walker or IV stand. Just getting up and moving like anyone else. Turning to adjust the comforter around Dean was easy too, no dizziness or pain.</p><p> </p><p>“Mmmphf.” He muttered, taking her pillow and hugging it, his eyes closed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>D</strong>
</p><p>He lay there, listening to the sound of the shower. If things were a little different, he'd put sleep on the backburner and join her. Half the reason when it came to Gwen's big birthday surprise, he'd decided on the open shower idea was for shared showers. But things were different in a whole other way. He should just be thankful that she was comfortable enough to joke around and share a bed with him considering the Gwen in control or whatever had only met him less than 2 days ago. That is, she trusted him enough to share a bed with him. It was like starting all over again.</p><p> </p><p>Hadn't they been through enough in their relationship that this had to happen too? He felt like he'd been losing his mind when she went missing. There was no clear threat, no clues. Just out of the blue, she went for groceries and was gone. It made him think of that whole clusterfuck with Kelly and Dagon back at the Sandbox and just how much worse that could have gone. Driving up to find Cas getting the crap kicked out of him, about to get dusted by Dagon and Gwen trying to block Kelly with her own body, wielding an angel blade. If Cas couldn't stand up to Dagon, how could she? She had no chance but it wasn't going to stop her from trying and while he'd been terrified for her safety, he'd been so fucking proud of her too.</p><p> </p><p>He almost hadn't felt Dagon shatter his arm, his heart in his throat as a beaten stumbling Cas made his way over to the two women, knowing there was no way he could defend them only delay the inevitable for a few seconds. Kelly taking his hand, Gwen putting her hand over both of theirs but looking right at Dean. He thought for sure he was about to watch his best friend and his girlfriend die right in front of him. Then Kelly's eyes lit up and that energy not only went to Cas but to Gwen too. And then, with a touch of Cas' hand, Dagon was gone.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen rushed to him after and helped him get up. He'd hugged her with his good arm, so thankful she was alright. She could have started a small earthquake with the way she'd been trembling from the adrenalin and realizing just how close things had been. Maybe some of it was whatever had passed from Kelly to her, he had no idea. He'd been so angry when Cas had taken off and then Kelly pretty much stole the Impala with the angel and Gwen in the backseat. With Dagon gone, he was more relieved that one more threat was out of the way. Cas had stopped her from going into shock, healed him and then the next thing he knew, he and Sam were waking up in that playground alone. Gwen, Cas and Kelly were gone.</p><p> </p><p>He'd been so angry, mostly at Castiel and the unborn baby of Lucifer. He couldn't blame Gwen, she just wanted to help. The message she'd left him told him that.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A beep on his phone told him he had a voice message from Gwen.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Dean, please don't be mad. I know you will be anyway but I'm still asking you not to be. Castiel is doing what he thinks is right and I can't let him do it alone. Kelly needs more than just protection, she needs a friend. She asked me to go with them. I couldn't say no. Please trust me on this like I've always trusted you. The baby isn't evil, he's not. No, I can't explain how I know that. I just do somehow.” She chuckled weakly. She knew him so well now that she could predict what he would ask.“Stay safe. Tell Sam I said keep you from doing anything stupid.” A long pause. “I love you.”</em></p><p> </p><p>He must have listened to that message a dozen times. Probably more. It was still on his phone and he'd listened to it a few times in the last few days too. Figured when it came down to saying the big three words it would be via voicemail while she was helping the mother of Satan's baby and a wayward angel. He remembered thinking, <em>she's becoming a Winchester.</em></p><p> </p><p>The shower shut off and his semi-sleepy mind drifted to the next time he saw her, at that little house in Washington. She was again armed with an angel blade, no doubt to try and backup Castiel who'd answered the door, but shocked when she saw who it was that had arrived. <em>“Sam. Dean. Mary. Hey.” Her eyes were nervous, hesitant. They hadn't seen each other in a couple weeks. Somehow, her going off with Cas had actually kept her safe during the whole brainwashed Mom and the showdown with the British Men of Letters. Sam had even mentioned that as they raced to Washington. He didn't want to think what could have happened had she been there.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She made her way down the stairs, putting down the angel blade in time for Sam to pull her into what looked like a back breaking hug. He'd been on the receiving end of those, usually after an unexpected reunion, he recognized the signs. “Hey Gigantor.” She teased softly, disappearing in his hug. “I'm okay. Are you?” She looked up at him with worried eyes. “What happened?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Too much. We missed you.” He said softly. That was the understatement of the year. “Where's Kelly?”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Upstairs. Labor started a few hours ago. The baby is coming.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Then they all heard the familiar sound of pain from what sounded like the room directly above them.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I'll go up, check on her.” Mom had said, no doubt sensing the tension in the room. “It's good to see you Gwen.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>You too.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Then she'd seen his leg. It looked better than it had thanks to Alex but hurt like hell. Not like he could really go to a hospital. Wasn't exactly an injury that could be explained away as tripping on a curb or missing the last step of the stairs. It was very obviously a wound that would involve the police at some point. “Dean, oh my god. What happened?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Finally got to use the grenade launcher.” He said with a shrug. “I'm fine. Just a scratch.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Castiel didn't even ask, he just healed him and then had enough sense to go into another room with Sam to give them a bit of privacy. They must have stood there just staring at each other for what felt like forever. Finally they both moved and he pulled her into a back breaking hug of his own, relieved that she was alright. He'd never doubted that Cas wouldn't do everything to keep both women safe but just the same, having her in his arms again made him feel so much better. “I'm sorry, for going off like that. I had to. They needed me. I had to.” She murmured against his chest, her hands gripping at his back. “Please don't hate me.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Couldn't hate you if I tried, sweetheart. I'm still a bit pissed but I'm always a bit pissed.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Part of your charm, Mr Winchester.” She looked up at him with wide blue eyes. “I'm really glad you're here. I missed you.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Me too.” He leaned down and kissed her softly, thrilling in her touch as he always seemed to. “I love you too, by the way. You really had to tell me in a voice mail?”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She smiled against his lips, kissing him back. “You weren't exactly conscious at the time.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Then not long after that, everything had gone to shit. Lucifer had shown up when they had been outside discussing their plan. He, Sam and Crowley had nearly moved as one to block her from Lucifer as he told her to get back inside. Kelly needed her and he didn't want to risk an asshat like Lucifer being anywhere near either of them. She'd been with Kelly at the end, knocked out cold when Jack was born and then knocked out again. Not when Jack lashed out, but by him pushing her aside so he could try and shoot Jack. On top of everything else that had been going on, he had had the guilt of hurting her on top of it.</p><p> </p><p>The sound of the bathroom door opening made him just barely open his eyes, enough to see Gwen step out, one towel around her body, another up around her hair. It was almost like any other morning but it wasn't. This wasn't just his Gwen anymore, it was the other Gwen too. He watched as she reached up, absently touching the skin just below her left collarbone was, where her anti-possession tattoo was. She'd done that dozens of times since they found her the night before. He almost wanted to tease her that she was going to rub it off if she kept doing that but the other Gwen was still trying to get used to not having an IV port under the skin there. He didn't want to imagine what her body had looked like in the hospital before her soul was brought here.</p><p> </p><p>She went to the dresser and poked around a bit before she picked out some clothing and quietly went back to the bathroom to get dressed. That was disappointing. Though he wasn't really a fan of watching her get dressed as it was. Undressed, yes. Wearing his shirts, yes. Otherwise, not so much.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>Gwen took her time, taking advantage of being on her own to look around without the boys watching her to see what she remembered and what she didn't. She was in the real Bunker and as familiar as it was from the show, it also felt familiar thanks to the other Gwen's point of view. She'd gone from the same house outside Seattle that she had grown up in to having the Bunker and the Impala being her homes instead of various hospital rooms. She stood where Dean had when he'd killed the last of the Steins before they could burn the Bunkers books, just before he'd beat Castiel down thanks to the Mark-induced rage he'd been feeling.</p><p> </p><p>She didn't stay there long or focus on that particular episode too much, the separate feeling of shock and sadness told her that the other Gwen knew the story but actually seeing it was something else.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes eidetic memory was a bitch.</p><p> </p><p>She wandered over to the table and ran her fingers over the engraved initials that mirrored those in the back of the Impala. She took a seat at the table and it's familiarity told her that it was her spot and Sam usually sat across from her. A vague memory of finding a case and feeling Dean's hands on her shoulders as she explained what she'd found, Sam across from them theorizing what the potential culprit could be. Just a normal day for this Gwen. She really had embraced the hunter life. Like many hunters, it had been inspired by a horrible loss caused by something she'd never even knew really existed, namely rugarus and a desire to never feel that helpless or ignorant again.</p><p> </p><p>It didn't hurt that Sam and Dean were both very handsome and sweet guys. She was only human after all.</p><p> </p><p>She made her way toward the kitchens, smiling a bit from the other Gwen's point of view at her memory of the episode with Sam's imaginary friend coming to the Winchesters for help. Amazement at the scene of Chuck himself, god, serving the boys pancakes in the very same kitchen. For her, it was still trying to wrap her head around the fact that Chuck wasn't a character, he was real.</p><p> </p><p>It almost made her head spin.</p><p> </p><p>On the table was a laptop and she realized it was hers. Had she left it there before the warlock got her and the boys hadn't moved it? Something told her that either Dean or Jack had insisted on leaving it right where it was. She sat down and opened it, easily entering the password bringing up the main screen. How ironic that in both realities, she used the same password. Her wallpaper was a picture of her with Sam, Dean, Jack and Castiel.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow. You really found yourself a family here. I'm a little jealous.” She murmured to herself. Almost like on autopilot, she opened a file of pictures and found a treasure trove. It felt like she was snooping into someone else's life but then she felt a separate feeling of approval. The other Gwen wanted her to look.</p><p> </p><p>Cripes how strange had her life become?</p><p> </p><p>She bit back the urge to say aww out loud when she found the very picture she'd discussed with Dean. They were both dead asleep and very comfortable, even with Dean wrapped around her like he was. It said something for how much this Gwen trusted him not to mention how much he trusted her.</p><p> </p><p>So many pictures and no doubt memories that went along with all of them. Thankfully this Gwen was choosing not to overwhelm her with them. One she did get was from a picture of Jack holding a sleeping toddler, the little girl's hand gripping his shirt tight while Dean sat next to him holding a smaller baby. There had been a case where kids were being taken by monsters as a food source and they'd saved these two. The little girl she remembered now had been named Susie and had latched onto Jack refusing to let go. How ironic that chronologically, little Susie was actually older than Jack.</p><p> </p><p>She remembered feeling pride for Jack, how he'd played a big part in saving the children. He'd been a little flustered and confused by how Susie had attached herself to him but Sam explained that Susie felt safe with him, that was a good thing. Then of course Sam had teased her about if she was ready to be a grandmother already. For that he'd gotten a smack to the back of the head that'd made Dean snort and nearly made the baby in his arms start crying.</p><p> </p><p>There was even one she couldn't imagine existing outside of the show's blooper reel but here, it was reality. It was Crowley, the lost King of Hell actually sticking his tongue out at Dean like a child, Sam standing off to the side trying to hide a smirk and Dean rolling his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>She had the chance to brace herself as a memory was pushed to the forefront, something this Gwen wanted her to see involving Crowley.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Gwen, darling, it won't help the boys if you research your way into starvation.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The boys had been missing for nearly a month now after exorcizing Lucifer from the President and then just dropping off the map. Everything she tried had failed and she'd resorted to contacting Crowley on her own, something she'd never done, for help. She hadn't had his phone number so had summoned him, using one of the books in the Bunker. He'd been impressed, then gave her his number to make things a bit less complicated. Since then, he'd stopped by on his own more than once. Castiel had already talked to the demon, albeit reluctantly but had gotten nowhere. She hoped maybe there had been progress or he would potentially be more willing to help if she asked. “How can I eat when they are missing? Who knows what they are going through right now? It's been weeks and no word at all!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The demon stepped over and boldly closed the book that she'd been going through for the third time. “They are always missing or dead or dying or whatever and they always come back. They make bad pennies jealous. I may be a demon, but you can trust me when I say that the boys always find their way home.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She looked up at him and knew that the face she saw wasn't Crowley's real face and that Crowley wasn't even his real name. She knew the things he'd done over the centuries, especially in the last 10 years. She also knew how much he'd changed in that time too.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>You promise they aren't in hell?”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>No love, they aren't there. I checked every nook and cranny.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She took a deep breath that failed to calm her like she hoped. “What if....what if that Reaper lady took them when they died and threw them into nothingness like Dean said she's threatened to before? She hates them or at the very least doesn't like how they don't stay dead. What if there's no way for them to come back?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>You can't think like that. You also can't help them if you don't take care of yourself. Come on, we'll go get something to eat, yeah? I'll take you anywhere you want. Maybe something on a coast.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She looked back up at the demon with hesitance. She actually was pretty hungry but hated eating alone. At least lately. Castiel had decided to take on a case to try and distract himself and she'd been alone in the bunker for a few days now. She was too distracted by and focused on trying to figure out where the boys were to be any help on a case. Both Sam and Dean had emphasized how very dangerous it was to be distracted on a hunt. Castiel had been very good about keeping her updated so she wouldn't worry about him too. “Are you sure you're a demon because that sounds really nice and considerate.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>It'll be our little secret. Besides, I could use some intelligent company. Grovelling demons get so bloody monotonous.”</em></p><p> </p><p>She smiled a little, feeling sad that while she'd known Crowley from the show and seen how his character had changed over the seasons before he sacrificed himself to help the boys and trap Lucifer, this Gwen had actually known him as a person, if for a short time. He'd been kind to her in a way that confused Sam and drove Dean crazy, which was probably his goal. He may have had his faults as a man and done horrible deeds as a demon but in the end, he'd died a hero. She just wished she could have told him she was proud of him.</p><p> </p><p>Her hand raised to wipe away tears that threatened, no doubt grief from the other Gwen. Crowley wasn't just a character for her, he had been a real friend. To distract both of them, she decided to see what she could learn about this new world she was in. If it was like the show, the news would be filled with strange occurrences that only hunters really connected and even stranger “natural phenomena” that happened all the time it seemed. She was curious to see how similar current events were even though thanks to her previous situation, she was more than a little behind on the news.</p><p> </p><p>It was hard to focus on the news when you didn't have much of a future beyond the hospital walls.</p><p> </p><p>She had a lot to learn and hoped that the other Gwen and the boys would be very patient in teaching her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Sam POV</strong>
</p><p>"Hey Gwen. You're up early. You don't usually beat me to the kitchen.” Sam greeted, surprised to find her alone in the kitchen, nevermind this early. Dean had barely let her out of his sight except to go to the bathroom since they found her. The bathroom had probably been the only place she had been alone since her close call with the Wendigo. “Or are you normally an early bird?” He had to remember that this wasn't just the Gwen he knew but also a Gwen from another reality. Though it felt so normal to see her sitting there with her laptop.</p><p> </p><p>“Not really. I've just spent the majority of the last few years in a bed and the last few weeks drifting in and out of consciousness, I guess some of that came over with me or something. I slept for a bit but not much.” She shrugged, her hand rising to seemingly smooth hair back behind her ear but then she stopped herself and put it back down. “You just missed Jack, he said he was going for a walk. I figured rather than freak Dean out, it would be better if I stayed here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good thinking. Is Dean still asleep or did one of you go to another room?” He was curious about how the rest of the night had gone. He knew Dean wouldn't pressure the new soul to do anything she wasn't comfortable with, even if she was residing in the body of their Gwen, his girlfriend. One good thing about the TV show was that it had made her somehow inherently trust them, even if she'd only known them as characters before.</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head. “No, we shared. It was oddly familiar but not? I don't know how to explain it that would make any kind of sense because I don't understand it myself. I couldn't do that to him, it's bad enough trying to deal with this whole two soul thing. He joked that he felt outnumbered.” She shrugged sheepishly. “It was kinda nice, you know, considering what I'm used to waking up with. So nice to not have it be my blood pressure being checked. We woke up like that morning in Iowa.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dean didn't fall out of the bed this time, did he?” He teased, remembering fondly how amused their Gwen had been by Dean's attempt at being a gentleman and apologizing for what he did in his sleep. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen Dean apologize to a woman like that, he was more likely to try and distract with humor or innuendo. It had been more evidence for him that their new hunting companion was more important to his brother than just a promise made to a dying man.</p><p> </p><p>“No, not this time.” She said with an amused twist to her lips. “He was so exhausted. Jack told me he didn't sleep much while we, while your Gwen was gone. You know what I mean. Did you sleep?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah I did, thanks.” He felt like he'd lapsed into a minor coma, being more than worn out himself from the ordeal. He'd not only been out of his head with worry for Gwen who was very important to him too but also trying to keep an eye on Jack and Dean with Cas' and Rowena's help. He didn't even remember stripping down and getting in the bed or dreaming at all. He headed for the coffee machine to find the pot had already been brewed. “You made coffee?”</p><p> </p><p>“I've seen on the show how Dean can be before he has it so I thought I'd be preemptive. And you aren't always a happy boy in the morning either I've learned.” She tapped the side of her head. “That was most interesting.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh boy. Now I feel outnumbered.” He poured himself a cup and took a seat across from her at the table as she closed the laptop she'd been using and pushed it aside. He couldn't help but notice it was her own laptop. Jack had been emphatic that they leave it right where she had left it. He wondered if both used the same passwords or if the communication between the two souls had given her the password. “What were you looking at?”</p><p> </p><p>“Trying to get a sense of this new reality which is so weird to say. Looking at pictures, looking up people I knew and checking out the news seeing what's different beyond the huge differences of the supernatural being real and all. It's definitely going to take time for me to acclimate to the differences. And then there's the differences with my new accommodations to adapt to too.” She gestured to her own body.</p><p> </p><p>“How is your body different?” He'd been curious if there were physical differences between the two Gwens besides her having been deathly ill in her own reality. He had a hard time imagining her different, seeing her sitting in front of him in her usual funny t-shirt, flannel and jean combination. Today's shirt was a Jurassic Park reference with a raptor solving a rubix cube and the words, Clever Girl. Did the other Gwen have a preference for uniquely designed t-shirts too?</p><p> </p><p>“Well besides the not riddled with cancer thing, I'm a little taller I think. I feel taller anyhow. Maybe it's because I can walk without help now, I dunno. My hair is like a real life shampoo commercial. Before the chemo I could never tame the curls, they were insane. And I wore glasses. I see perfectly now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Glasses? Huh. I can't imagine you with glasses.”</p><p> </p><p>She shrugged. “I always had them. Blind as a bat otherwise. Enjoying not needing them though.”</p><p> </p><p>“Anything else?”</p><p> </p><p>“I was surprised to see I have the anti-possession tattoo. It's right where my port was.” She put her hand just below her left collarbone, a gesture he'd noticed her do several times. No doubt not used to the device not being there. “Before things started going majorly downhill, I actually thought about getting it there. You know, in the other reality. My reality.” She chuckled to herself. “I figured, I was dying anyway, why not get a tattoo from my favorite show?”</p><p> </p><p>He blinked, putting down his coffeemug. “Wait, people get the tattoo for fun in your reality, in that one anyway?” They all had to get out of the habit of referring to the other reality as Gwen's. It would be easier for her to acclimate if she starting thinking about this as her home. Maybe it would help their Gwen surface easier or make the meld thing happen smoother.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah. You'd be surprised at the fandom the show has. I almost went to a convention for it before my health went into a tailspin.” She let out a sigh and rested her head in her hand. “This is still so weird to me. I swear I'm really not like Superfan Becky or anything.”</p><p> </p><p>He really didn't need to know that Becky had existed on the show too. “I'm sure you aren't.” He shrugged, picking up his mug again and taking a sip. “You got the tattoo a couple days after Jimmy was killed. Do you know why?” He was curious to see if the show that she was familiar with had actually taught her anything that would help her in their reality. Her being taken had been a harsh wake up to them that she wasn't going unnoticed by their enemies. He still remembered when they got back from Apocalypse World and once the adrenalin dropped, noticing the distinctive bruising on Gwen's neck and the slight hoarse tone to her voice. Lucifer had told them he'd simply worked his way out of his bindings when in reality he'd attacked Gwen and nearly snapped her neck, only stopped by Rowena and that was how he fell into the portal. He just had to remember, not just for Gwen's sake or Jack's that Lucifer was gone forever. He could never hurt them again.</p><p> </p><p>“I was emotionally compromised. I was weak enough that any demon could have smoked in and possessed me. Right?” Her hand raised to touch the tattoo again but she stopped and put her hand back down on the table.</p><p> </p><p>He nodded with approval. At least the show wasn't a complete waste. The finer details and differences could be ironed out with time. “Yeah. Getting the tattoo worked out since a few weeks after you got it, we had that whole mess in Canada to deal with.”</p><p> </p><p>She furrowed her brow before they raised in surprised realization. “Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox.” She murmured before no doubt seeing the confusion on his face. “That was the episode name. Huh. How come not every hunter has the tattoo? I mean that Elvis guy and Alicia and Jody all got possessed.” He remembered how panicked she'd been once they realized they were locked in the house with a very pissed off demon. He'd been thankful at Dean's insistance that she get the tattoo to keep her safe and her willingness to go along. For her first dealing with a demon, she'd handled herself pretty well.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Now what?” The hunter Bucky said exasperated. “We're sitting ducks in here!”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Umm, what about one of those devil's trap things? Would that work?” Gwen asked meekly, no doubt not really sure if she was really contributing anything to the situation considering the massive amount of experience she didn't have in this kind of situation. Not even a month ago, she had no idea any of this was real, just legends and cultural constructs that her brother taught about.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>We'd have to have a way to lure it inside.” Mary said, shaking her head. “I don't see that happening.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>What if we stood in it? It wouldn't be able to come at us, right? Like a salt circle with a ghost?” Gwen tried again, no doubt trying to control her own fear and anxiety about it all by trying to be as helpful as she could. She'd been a help on the last case, figuring out the ghost was confusing them with the men who had attacked and killed her and her family over a hundred years earlier. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dean nodded near immediately. “Even better, everyone who gets in is clean. Whoever doesn't get in...”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Is the demon. Let's get started.” Sam finished. He looked down to Gwen and gave her shoulder a squeeze. “Good thinking Gwen. Really good.” He fished a lighter out of his pocket and handed it to her. He hoped wherever her brother was, he could see how well his sister was doing now that she knew the truth of the world. Something told him the older man would be put out about missing out on encountering an actual ghost or a real demon. “Help with the candles, okay?”</em></p><p> </p><p>“Not every hunter deals with demons as much as we do. Some go with charms and the like rather than a tattoo. Some specialize in certain kinds of cases.”</p><p> </p><p>“Like Gordon. He focused on vampires because of the one that killed his sister.”</p><p> </p><p>This time, Sam felt his eyebrows raise in surprise. Had they ever told Gwen about Gordon? It felt like ages ago that they'd had to deal with the hunter adamant on killing Sam to save the world. He hadn't been the last to make the attempt. “You know about Gordon?”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded. “You guys met him after John died. He was no nonsense, saw everything in black and white. Humans were good, vampires were evil to be eradicated, no matter what. No room for gray. You decapitated him via garrotte after he was turned.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Feels like another lifetime or a few lifetimes ago.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm sure.” She shook her head. “I can only imagine what this whole situation is like from your point of view.” She tapped her forehead with her index finger.</p><p> </p><p>“I don't know if my perspective would help. I mean, that show, it shows what our lives are like. Weird is almost normal.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good point.” Her head tilted and her eyes narrowed. “How did this all happen in the first place? I mean, how did that warlock get me, get her? How long was I, she gone? Fuck I hate pronouns!”</p><p> </p><p>Sam couldn't help but smile at her stumbling over trying to ask what happened. “Why not just say I or me, not her or she? You are the same person Gwen, you just have an extra few years of memories now. Memories I'm sure you don't really want.” Of course that could be said of their Gwen too. She'd gone through her share of heartbreak in the last two years along with injury and trauma.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, still trying to wrap my head around that. I keep going to adjust my oxygen and then I remember I don't need it anymore. Does it freak you out that now your Gwen will know more details about you guys? Good and bad?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam had been thinking about that, laying in his own bed just trying to focus on the important thing that Gwen was safe. He couldn't help but have so many questions about how having two souls in one body was going to work and it's potential implications. “That's going to go both ways I guess. You'll learn things about us that I doubt made it onto a TV show in any reality. I'll admit, there's stuff I wouldn't want Gwen to know about me. Things I've done. I'm sure Dean does too. Just how graphic was the show?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not too graphic. Don't worry, I haven't seen you completely naked or anything. It's not on HBO.”</p><p> </p><p>He snorted. “Okay, that's good I guess. Do we look the same? I mean, you recognized us so I'm guessing we look like whoever played us on the show.”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded. “Yeah. I mean it's little details that are different. Both of you have longer hair than I would have expected but things didn't go the same way that they did on the show. Your hair looks like it did after Dean got out of Purgatory on the show., pretty much the longest it got. Dean's looks like....well when he was a demon.” She flinched and shook her head, touching her fingertips to her temple briefly.</p><p> </p><p>“Gwen?”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm okay. I just don't want your Gwen looking at my memory of those episodes yet. I feel what she feels and on top of my own feelings it's a bit overwhelming.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam nodded, having noticed that particular effect more than once already. Their Gwen had a way to express herself even if the other Gwen was in the driver's seat, such as it was. He figured a distraction might help. “The show starts with Dean picking me up from Stanford?” It was as good a guess as any considering her memory of the conversation they had had enroute to try and find their missing father.</p><p> </p><p>“Actually the first scene starts in 1983. In your nursery.” She said softly, looking away uncomfortably. Now it wasn't a TV show plot line, she actually saw what happened that night, including his mother burning on the ceiling. “I'm sorry about Jess, by the way.”</p><p> </p><p>He blinked, still feeling that old now familiar but dimmer ache when he thought of his long lost girlfriend. Sadly, there had been so many more losses since then it was hard to focus on the one that copied the one that started everything.“They showed that?”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded sadly. “And Dean saving you.” She sighed. “I feel like such a creep now.”</p><p> </p><p>“What else? The stuff with the demon blood? Me saying yes to Lucifer? The Cage?”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded. “It hinted more than actually showed the Cage but yeah, all of that. You coming back without your soul and then fighting to pull yourself back together. The trials.” Her eyes unfocused for a moment and then looked away, her jaw clenching. “Sorry, as I remember stuff from the show, your Gwen is reacting to it. I apologize if I randomly hug you and weird you out.” She took a deep sharp breath. “Oh she really doesn't like seeing how bad things were, when you were in that church and Dean was talking you out of the final trial. How willing you were to die, how depressed and broken you were.” Her eyes closed for a moment and when she opened them, they were wet with unshed tears. “Oh Sammy.”</p><p> </p><p>He reached out and took her hand in his. Gwen knew their history but inevitably things got left out either on purpose or just because the details were too painful. She knew about the trials but actually seeing it had to be something else all together. Gwen rarely called him Sammy except if she was worried about him or upset. “I'm okay Gwen. I'm right here with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Her hand gripped at his as she dabbed at her eyes with the other, taking a deep cleansing breath. “It was just so sad, to see you driven that low after everything you've done, all the people you've saved. You've always been so hard on yourself when you couldn't know what would happen or be do anything to stop it. Dean's the same way. You are your own worst critics.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed, turning his hand so it was holding hers better. “You've told me that more than once. Dean always jokes we should get you tshirts made that say Team Winchester since you are our strongest defender.”</p><p> </p><p>“You two beat yourselves up enough as is, you need someone to step up in your defense.”</p><p> </p><p>He smiled. “If I had a dollar for every time you've said that.” He gave her hand a squeeze and stood up.The Gwen he knew was still in there, he felt better knowing that and the new Gwen was even more like her than he thought possible. “Did you eat anything yet?”</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head. “No. I'm still not used to the whole being able to eat solid food thing. I got distracted by walking around a little, the whole memory trade thing, looking stuff up. I couldn't help but think that with your Gwen's life going differently from mine, that would have a butterfly effect that I would be able to track or something. There are just so many factors, I can't figure out where to start or if I really want to know how different things are.”</p><p> </p><p>“It's just been over a day. Give yourself a chance, there's time. I'll make pancakes, that's simple enough to get used to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds good. And by the way, you didn't answer my question about what happened with that warlock.” She got up and moved to the counter so talking would no doubt be easier.</p><p> </p><p>Damn. He was hoping she hadn't noticed that. He started getting out the pancake mix and stuff while he spoke. “You went out for supplies. Groceries. You prefer to do it since, according to you, apparently if Dean does it, all we have is bacon and beer, if I do it, it's nothing but kale and if Jack does it, it's all candy.”</p><p> </p><p>She giggled and he turned his head in time to see her head tilted, no doubt another memory coming to her. “Oh, Jack did that one trip after Easter and brought back like six overflowing bags of marked down chocolate bunnies. It was the first time Dean referred to him as his boy. Aww. Jack was so happy.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam couldn't help but smile too, remembering Dean's proud declaration of that's my boy and the absolute joy in Jack's eyes as Dean clapped him on the back with a big grin on his face. Despite the less then positive start to their relationship, namely Dean trying to shoot Jack right after he was born, the boy had sought out Dean's approval the most out of everyone. Oddly enough, he could almost see how Dean was both like their father and how much he tried to be the opposite of John. As much as Sam missed his dad and regretted how things ended between them, the harsh words and anger, he tried his best to be the kind of father that John simply hadn't had it in him to be after losing their mother and learning the truth of the world.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, after that we kind of go with him so he doesn't overdo it on the candy and sweets. This time, you were gone longer than usual and when you didn't answer your phone, we got worried. We went to the store and found your car, the trunk open with groceries half put away and you were gone.” He turned and looked at her. “Can you remember anything?”</p><p> </p><p>She furrowed her brow, tilting her head again in a way that made him wonder if that would be her tell for when she was purposely trying to remember somethng from their Gwen's life. “I got really dizzy out of nowhere and then I was in a dark room. Tied with rope and something else. I couldn't move, he put some hex bag on my lap so I was paralyzed. I couldn't even speak.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did he say anything to you?” He wondered if her talking in the first person of their Gwen was a sign of the melding or if it was just easier overall.</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head. “Not much. I don't think....I don't think he cared much about me but more about how what he was going to do would make him famous?” She winced. “He wanted to be known for taking out the Winchesters' girlfriend.” She paused confused. “He said it like that too, like you two share me or something.” Her eyes widened. “You don't...I mean...that's not....”</p><p> </p><p>Sam managed not to laugh at her slight panic and decided to take the Dean route and just say nothing, just give her a little smug smile. How many times had she teasingly declared that she was “switching brothers” just to get Dean to roll his eyes or joked with him to dream on because she'd break him like a pretzel? That one had nearly made Dean go off the road the first time she'd said it, one late night in the Impala.</p><p> </p><p>She stopped and studied his face before narrowing her eyes at him. “Asshole!”</p><p> </p><p>He laughed then. How much he'd missed his own special relationship with Gwen. If Cas was Dean's best friend, Gwen was his. “You're the one who considered it as a possibility. No, we don't share you or anything. You just have a massive crush on me that you are horrible at hiding.”</p><p> </p><p>She rolled her eyes at him. “Sure, mess with the recently saved kidnapping victim with two souls. Teehee, so much fun. Jerk.” She squared her shoulders and made a loud rude raspberry sound at him with just the hint of a smile. “Seriously though, he took me because I guess getting at someone close to you guys gives some kind of bragging rights. Only thing better would have been taking one of you out I guess. Nevermind that I would be the only one he could get, Jack and Castiel would be too powerful I guess. I'm just me. Well, I was anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam sighed and felt his shoulders slump involuntarily. “I was afraid that was what happened. Hell, we've both been afraid of it since you've been with us. I guess it was a matter of time.” Now Dean would always blame himself for what had happened and what could have happened if the warlock had managed to accomplish what he'd set out to do.</p><p> </p><p>“I couldn't see outside or get a sense of time. I don't know if he did something to mess with my head that way either. I don't think I had to eat or drink or anything. Some kind of limited stasis maybe? I remember doing what you boys taught me, trying to find anything I could potentially use if he got stupid or something to tell me where I was, but there was nothing. How long was I gone?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam's mind flashed with Dean asking that same question when he returned from Purgatory and a dozen other times that either one of them had experienced lost time. His body might have only spent a short time in Hell but his soul had been in the Cage even longer than Dean's had. He'd had a hard time acclimating and then when Castiel knocked down the wall in his mind, differentiating reality and hallucination grew more and more difficult. “Umm, about four days. Felt like longer.”</p><p> </p><p>“Have I ever, you know, gone missing before?”</p><p> </p><p>He shook his head, buttering the pan before pouring in the mix for the first few pancakes. When she went off with Cas and Kelly didn't count. She'd been with Cas. She'd gone willingly. “No. We've managed to keep you pretty safe in that regard. Until now I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>“It's not your fault Sam, or Dean's. It's that warlock guy. I didn't go with you guys to Apocalypse World or anything?”</p><p> </p><p>“No. No way. Closest you ever got was when Jack blasted his way there and we got knocked into the other reality, the Bad Place. For whatever reason, it kept you and Kaia here.” He didn't like thinking about the brief time they spent there, nearly ending up the dinner of a huge monster and then the death of poor Kaia. “You were guarding the rift entrance with Jody and everybody when we came back.” He pushed away the memory of her cries when they told her that Jack was gone and with him, what they thought was the only way to open a rift.</p><p> </p><p>“But you boys have gone missing. They still accused you of trying to assassinate the president, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Another time he didn't like thinking of. Not just for the months of isolation but what they had offered Billie for her help, Castiel's actions to save them or their mom from fulfilling that promise and the way Gwen's face had dropped when she realized just what they had offered to get out. “Yeah. Yeah they did. We got out though.”</p><p> </p><p>She was quiet for a minute before speaking again. “And that's when Dean and I started going out.”</p><p> </p><p>She must have gotten a flash of memory from their Gwen. “Yeah. Though it had a rocky start after the big reunion. You know, after Billie came to collect.”</p><p> </p><p>She didn't answer right away. “Oh wow. She...I mean, I was pissed. So pissed. Castiel had to pull me away, really?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam sighed, remembering her yelling at them, shoving Dean and then him. She'd surprised them both with the strength behind those shoves, she'd been that angry. “<em>You bastards! Do you have any idea what it's been like without you? Not knowing where you were or if you were even alive? And you just offer yourselves up for obliteration? Oh it's just one of you, let's flip a fucking coin! Did you even think about what that would do to your mom, to Cas, to me? How could you?! To force Castiel to do what he just did to save you? You selfish assholes!”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Gwen, Gwen! Stop! This isn't helping.” Castiel moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her to pin her arms down lest she start punching, his eyes glowing just a bit as he actively used his grace. Just like when Dean had been a demon except now it was to calm down one very pissed off former college professor. “Breathe. Just relax. It doesn't matter anymore, everyone is safe. It was my choice and they did what they thought they had to. It's okay.”</em></p><p> </p><p>He remembered her calming almost immediately thanks to Castiel's grace, turning in the angel's arms to hug him and Cas hugging her back. She had murmured something to the angel before kissing his cheek but to this day, Sam had no idea what she'd said. She had a unique relationship with the angel between the weeks they had been locked up to when she had gone off with Castiel and Kelly in the weeks before Jack's birth. Her joy when Castiel had returned from death, from The Empty, had been something he wished he'd had the thought to record. He'd joked after the fact that he was pretty sure she had teleported from where she'd been sitting across from Jack to nearly tackling Castiel, she had been that fast to react to the return of her friend.</p><p> </p><p>“I'm not really looking forward to remembering the whole time you were missing. Your Gwen shared how Crowley looked out for her and tried to keep her from losing hope. They covered your incarceration in just a few minutes via montage on the show with the rest of it being about you trying to get away from the commando guys. The episode was literally called First Blood because you guys had to go Rambo to survive. Your Gwen had been going out of her mind with worry.” She said a little later, as he started a new batch of pancakes. “Was it like that when I was gone?”</p><p> </p><p>“Worse. After everything we've been through, all the close calls, I dunno, somehow it felt worse. There was nowhere to start. We weren't working a case, there were no immediate threats, nothing. Things had been quiet and things tend to be pretty quiet around Lebanon anyway. Then suddenly, you were gone. We didn't know if it was something supernatural or just some psycho that grabbed you.” He flipped the pancakes over, remembering Dean near screaming in rage as yet another potential lead fizzled out. The way Jack and Castiel were nearly burning through their graces trying to find her, Rowena searching every book she could for the strongest locator spell no matter the ingredients or magical cost. “We had every hunter we knew looking for you, for a clue, something.”</p><p> </p><p>“How did you track down the warlock? All I can really remember is him doing the spell and then it's like a dream I can't remember. He thought he succeeded. I don't think he knew that he only managed to bring me over here. He said something about how I was going to die much faster here and it wasn't personal.” She took a deep breath. Sam could see it was going to take time for the new soul to get used to not being on the edge of death anymore. He wondered if in that moment, with the warlock telling her she was going to die quicker, if part of her was thankful. He had a basic idea of how much she'd suffered with her cancer and how long her fight had dragged out. But she was a fighter, that seemed to be something else both Gwens had in common. “Then we, I mean, I was in the woods.”</p><p> </p><p>He put the fresh pancakes on the plate and handed the plate to her before starting more. “Rowena managed to zero in on the amount of magic the guy used for that spell and then whatever he did to transport you to the woods. You two are pretty tight, she was just as worried as we were.” He looked and saw the confusion in her eyes. “You gave her a chance right from the start, didn't judge her for her past. Did the same thing with Crowley. He liked you too.” He turned back to the pan, waiting for the bubbles to form. “You helped her deal with his death, you know, once she tried to take on Billie to try and get him back and all.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. I guess that makes sense. You guys have so much history but I didn't have any with them. I remembered how Crowley went out of his way to be nice to me just to piss Dean off. Your Gwen showed me how supportive he was when you two were missing.” She got up and went to the fridge. “Orange juice?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>“So she found the warlock but not before he sent me to the woods? You killed him?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. He honestly kinda killed himself. Dean was ready to torture him until he told us where you were. He tried telling us....he said you were already dead. Taunted us with it. He was so cocky that he'd managed to be the one to defeat the Winchesters. I guess he didn't count on how strong you are.”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean he kinda killed himself then?”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed. “Dean was in a really bad place and taunting him with the idea of you being dead and nothing he could do about it? He just shot him right in the face with witch killing bullets. Emptied his gun. The guy signed his own death warrant.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” She didn't seem shocked or horrified, but then again, the show she'd watched had probably shown them killing various creatures as well as Dean's temper. “Then how did you find me after that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Locator spell. Rowena used Cas as a boost to her own power and without the warlock shielding you from detection, it didn't take long at all. We just took off in the direction she told us. When we got closer, Jack was able to zero in on you and teleport nearby while we caught up on foot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow. I was wondering how Jack managed to get to me just in time. Before that wendigo.” She shuddered. “The roar was scary enough on the show but in real life? I'm surprised I didn't pee myself.”</p><p> </p><p>He thought about it, flipping the pancakes. When would she have heard a wendigo roar? And then he realized it was from those first few weeks after Jess had been killed and they'd been following their father's coordinates in an effort to try and find him. “Oh, Black Water Ridge?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yep.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, the roar is pretty loud.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you think later it would be okay for me to look at your Dad's journal? It played a pretty big role on the show and to see that actual real thing would be neat and maybe help trigger some memories.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah of course. You've looked at it before. You don't need to ask. Everything here is yours just like it's mine or Dean's or Jack's or Cas'.”</p><p> </p><p>He turned off the burner and put the last of the pancakes on a plate for himself. “Thanks. I just don't want to overstep. I mean, I'm Gwen but not 100% the Gwen you knew and I know you guys haven't had a lot of luck when it comes to trusting people. I mean, you know, the British Men of Letters and everything.”</p><p> </p><p>“But if our Gwen trusted you to bring your soul into her body like she did, that's good enough for me. I just ask that you trust us back. Sound good?”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded buttering her pancakes just like he'd seen her do a dozen times before. He wondered if it was a shared taste or if their Gwen's tastes took precedence. “I can do that.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Dean POV</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dean walked into the kitchen, scratching at the side of his head. He was surprised he'd managed to fall back to sleep once Gwen got up, nevermind sleep as late as he did. Of course, it took him a while to fall asleep in the first place, even with how exhausted he was. He'd barely slept the entire time Gwen had been missing. His mind just wouldn't shut up about all the what ifs and maybes that having her back with another version of her self as a bunkmate in her head created or that it could just as easily happen again considering all the bad guys with their faces on their dartboards.</p><p> </p><p>Not just all the potential monsters, demons and angels they'd made enemies of over the years but human enemies too. He kept thinking of that bitch Lady Toni from the British Men of Letters, taunting them with how it was just a matter of time before Gwen was tracked down like the other hunters had been. How they hadn't planned to eliminate her but the fact she was actively protecting the mother of Lucifer's child had put her on the list to be exterminated. <em>“I won't lie, it will be a shame when she's killed. I rather liked her. But when you decide to protect the Anti-Christ and be the gal pal of the Winchesters, you are pretty much asking for it, isn't that right?”</em></p><p> </p><p>Bitch had nearly gotten herself killed in the backseat of the Impala verses how she did die, having her throat slit by Ketch in the Bunker. He'd gotten to break her nose at least before Sam stopped him.</p><p> </p><p>All the various horrible things that could have happened to Gwen had run through his mind, keeping him awake. Just thinking of how close it had been with that Wendigo in the forest made him want to go to Hell and kill that warlock prick again personally. If Crowley was still around, the demon probably would be personally torturing the warlock right that moment in Hell. He'd been rather sweet on Gwen from the start.</p><p> </p><p>That and the sappy part of him insisted on trying to memorize how it felt to have her in his arms again, the way she'd fallen asleep so easily in his arms even with her new addition. At least the new Gwen seemed to like him enough to be comfortable with him, that had been a huge thing.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Dean. Gwen made coffee, super strong like you like it. Could probably melt linoleum.” Sam greeted, looking up from his laptop. “Get some sleep?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” He muttered, walking over to get his very much needed coffee. He took a sip before he even went to sit down at the table and sighed happily. “That's my girl!” Gwen always made the best coffee thanks to a part-time job she'd had when she was a student at a coffee shop. Apparently that was something both Gwens had in common or she just remembered how he liked his coffee. “Where is she anyway?”</p><p> </p><p>“She wanted to explore the Bunker on her own. Get used to it, see if any memories popped up without any coaching.” Sam shrugged. “She's okay. I think she just needs some time. It's like night and day from when we first found her. How are you dealing with this whole thing?”</p><p> </p><p>Dean shrugged in turn, slumping into a chair opposite his brother. “Could be worse. At least she liked that stupid show so it's not like she's completely thrown by our reality. Kinda wondering just how close the show was to our lives.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well I asked and apparently it wasn't on HBO or anything so no worries about full frontal scenes like in Chuck's books. But I'm thinking it's going to lead her to knowing stuff that neither of us really wanted to share. Have you asked?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I didn't push or anything. She knew about my time in Hell. They didn't show it, I guess the show just had me telling you about it. She knew about the Mark, the Darkness. You?”</p><p> </p><p>“First scene of the first episode was when Azazel came to my nursery.” Sam shook his head, before looking back up. “She knew about Jess, the demon blood, saying yes to Lucifer. She got choked up, I guess they showed how bad things were when I was doing the trials. The church, when you were talking me down really got to her. She emphasized that I was too tough on myself for things I couldn't control. Same for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Our valient defender.” Dean said with a bit of a smile before taking another drink of the coffee. It was weird how happy it made him that she still knew how to make his coffee. Maybe this meld thing was working after all. How it worked exactly, he had no clue and had nowhere enough coffee in him to try and figure out. “Did she ask about when she was missing? Did she remember anything?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“And?” Christ, it was like pulling teeth. “Why did he take her?”</p><p> </p><p>A sigh. “He wanted to be known as the guy who took out the girlfriend of a Winchester.”</p><p> </p><p>“Son of a bitch. I knew eventually she'd have a target on her back because of us. Did he hurt her? I mean, more than trying the soul switcheroo?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam shook her his head. “Not that she could remember. And Cas would have told us if she had any injuries when he checked her out the other night. I think she was a means to an end for him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh. Dick.” He took another sip of coffee. “Did she react to how I killed him?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nope. Not really.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm.” He'd almost expected her to. The first time she ever saw him kill someone had been just before everything with getting Lucifer out of the President. A case with a young reluctant werewolf they were trying to save from a pretty bad pack and get to Garth's group had gone bad. He remembered the fight to get to her at the safe house that turned out not to be so safe. The kid for whatever reason had made the decision not only to stay with the bad pack but offer up Gwen as some kind of apology to the pack Alpha. Sam had yelled for her to drop and they'd killed both the teen and the Alpha, unfortunately covering Gwen with the gore. Garth and Bess had been right there though, getting her out of danger and helping take care of her after. Garth might drive him crazy sometimes but he went above and beyond for Gwen that day. She'd struggled for a time after that with nightmares but she adapted. Mostly anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess that's something. I wonder how much she's seen me do on that TV show.”</p><p> </p><p>“Probably more than you like. But our Gwen has seen a fair bit too. We just need to take it as it comes. She seems to be adjusting pretty well, she's making an effort.” Sam said, trying to be positive about the whole thing. “What was it like for you last night?”</p><p> </p><p>Dean shrugged. “I'm just thankful to have her home. This other Gwen, she seems pretty decent. She apologizes a lot and she's a little skittish but I can see where the two of them are alike. She's pretty comfortable with me, she trusts me. Even kissed me on the cheek in thanks for the bathroom remodel we did. I guess our Gwen shared the memory.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah it seems like the exchange between the two souls is pretty open. They trust each other.” He paused, getting up to refill his own coffee cup. “She called me Sammy and it was weird how happy it made me.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean wasn't surprised. He knew how much his brother loved Gwen, though it of course being a different kind of love that he had for her. He was thankful for that connection, especially during the dark time after Jack had been born and before Cas came back from the dead, again. He hadn't been much help to anyone except the local liquor stores and they had been able to lean on each other while figuring out how to raise Jack and keep him safe. “Yeah. I'm just not looking forward to her remembering right after Jack was born. Fuck, I was such a dick.”</p><p> </p><p>“You were. I'm sure they had that on the TV show too. Of course we don't know how much differences there are because our reality had her and the TV show didn't.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sammy, you are gonna give me a migraine.” He held up his near empty cup. “Just let me enjoy having my girl back, okay?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! </p><p>Thanks for your patience with this new chapter. I'm going on my 3rd week of medical leave from work thanks to my back. The joys of 2 herniated disks, a tear and now arthritis around my spine. I'm hoping we won't have to go the surgical route but who knows?</p><p>Anywho, here's a new chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>Gwen walked down the hallway slowly, knowing now it was better to take things easy until she got better at controlling how the other Gwen's memories decided to pop up as well as deal with her reactions to stuff from the show that she didn't know about. Like seeing Gadreel smiting Kevin Tran in Sam's body and Dean crumpling in grief for the boy or actually seeing Dean as a demon, stalking the halls planning on killing Sam with a hammer. That had made her react so strongly she thought the pancakes were going to make a reappearance, which had been why she'd resisted sharing the memory back in the kitchen in front of Sam. She knew the idea of Dean as a demon and just how close he got to killing Sam or getting Sam to try and kill him with Ruby's knife was one thing but to actually witness the events that happened years before she even met the boys was a whole other thing. Not to mention just how wrong everything could have gone.</p><p> </p><p>Good thing she had tricks for fighting back nausea thanks to nearly three years of chemo.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn't sure about opening doors, not wanting to be a snoop but Sam had encouraged her to poke around. This was her home as much as it was his or Dean's or Jack's. She'd found the dungeon, the firing range and a room that seemed set aside as a storage for various magical ingredients and supplies. It was a unique experience to feel familiarity with a place that she'd never actually been and had only seen on a TV screen. The feeling of home was very strong from the other Gwen. Seattle would always have a big place in her heart but that was the past, this was her present, this was well, their future. As such, it seemed like there was nothing in the Bunker she didn't have access to except maybe Baby and even then all that was missing was the keys. Dean didn't lock the car up in the Bunker.</p><p> </p><p>That had led to a surprise memory of actually driving Baby with Castiel in the passenger seat. Apparently the angel had been told on no uncertain terms he was to never drive the car. When the boys went missing after getting Lucifer out of the President, Cas had had her fly out to Indianapolis and brought her to the motel where everything had gone down so they could take the Impala back to the Bunker. <em>I don't believe Dean would mind you driving it but I am forbidden. He says I drive like a granny.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Then her looking to the worried angel and patting his arm. “Cas, honey, I adore you but you do drive like a Granny.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I am several billion years old. I suppose it would be expected.”</em></p><p> </p><p>She'd actually driven Baby. She hadn't really been able to enjoy it though, not like Jack had in the episode that apparently hadn't happened in this reality. She wondered if maybe Dean had taught the boy to drive anyway, just with happier circumstances behind it. She had to remember that here, Lucifer was gone and could never hurt Jack or the Winchesters ever again.</p><p> </p><p>She stopped in front of one door, the numbers removed and a familiar plaque was affixed to the spot. It was the plaque she'd had on her office door back at the University. The last time she'd seen it was when she'd packed up her things for her “sabbatical” which was really a resignation because she physically couldn't handle teaching her courseload anymore. The cancer had been very aggressive and between that and the chemo, she counted days that got her out of bed for more than just the bathroom as good ones. The President of the University had insisted on it just being a sabbatical, trying like so many others to keep a positive tone and not admit the truth.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dr Gwen Baylor, PhD</em>
</p><p>
  <em>History Department</em>
</p><p>
  <em>19<sup>th</sup> Century America &amp; Lincoln studies</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Her fingers reached out and touched it, remembering when Jimmy had given it to her on the day she'd gotten her position. He'd been so proud. <em>My baby sister is a professor now. Dad would be so proud of you, Gwennie.</em></p><p> </p><p>Strange how some events seemed to be exactly the same between the two different souls. Of course, the fact that the show she'd watched seemed to be pretty damn accurate to this reality with only a few differences should have had her not all that surprised that the same phenomena would extend to her and this Gwen.</p><p> </p><p>She opened the door to find a room that must have been a storage room or another bedroom but had been converted into what looked like an office/private library for her. There was a large desk and several bookcases, filled with familiar books both hers and Jimmy's. She looked over the copies of the books this Gwen had written, the historical works seeming at a quick glance to be very similar to what she'd written before she'd gotten sick. There was an addition, written while she was in England detailing the UK's involvement and the effect the war had from across the Atlantic. Ironically, she'd contemplated the very same idea when she'd been approached for the guest professorship but then Jimmy had gotten the biopsy results on his arm and everything changed.</p><p> </p><p>Putting the hefty tome back, she moved around to sit in the large executive chair, taking a breath. She knew each day was going to be filled with new challenges, being in a new reality and all but it was still a bit much to take in that while she'd been going back and forth with Jimmy to doctors, taking care of him and then getting diagnosed herself, there was a different version of her that didn't go through any of that. Though seeing Jimmy with his arm ripped off thanks to rugarus verses how it was surgically removed in her reality made her feel like somehow the universe had a way of balancing things out, however cruelly.</p><p> </p><p>On the desk were several picture frames. One had the picture from the bedroom, the family style picture. Another had a strip of pictures like from an old fashioned photobooth with just her and Dean. They looked so happy and in love. The way he gazed at her in the second picture, the love was almost a physical thing. She was glad that in this reality, Dean was in a relationship that made him so happy, especially with someone who was willing to share the hunter lifestyle rather than make him try to keep it separate. That had never worked out very well for either brother.</p><p> </p><p>A third frame had a picture that made her stop and pick up the frame in disbelief. It was her, rather this reality's Gwen standing with Cas and Jack, the three of them wearing Mickey Mouse ears in front of Cinderella's castle.</p><p> </p><p>The Winchesters had gone to Disney?</p><p> </p><p>“That was our way of celebrating the family being back together again.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean's voice made her jump and she looked up to see him leaning in the doorway, a cup of coffee in his hands. How long had he been standing there watching her? “Oh hey.” She put the picture down still feeling like she was snooping. “I just never imagined you guys at Disney. You didn't have to do an exorcism on the Small World ride, did you?”</p><p> </p><p>He chuckled at that. “No, but that whole thing should be salted and burned just in case. It was a good time, we had fun.”</p><p> </p><p>A glimpse of watching Dean content and happy during one of the parades, his eyes full of childlike joy. Jack seated on the ground by the tiger enclosure in the Animal Kingdom, having what looked like a staring contest with one of the younger tigers. Then she looked closer to the picture and realized, Castiel wasn't in his suit and trench coat. “Wait, I picked out Castiel's tshirt, didn't I?”</p><p> </p><p>Dean grinned as he moved into the room itself, taking a seat on a small sofa against the wall. “Thatta girl. Yeah, we couldn't exactly have him going around in a full suit and trench coat in friggin' Orlando without getting the wrong kind of attention. You offered to go out and pick him up something appropriate to wear. Jack was the one who recognized the character, Sam and I were lost.”</p><p> </p><p>It was pretty appropriate for Castiel to be wearing a tshirt of the character Angel from the Lilo &amp; Stitch tv show. A bit of a tongue in cheek joke that had made Castiel roll his eyes but still wear it once the joke had been explained. “I can't believe he wore it.” Looking up from the picture, she saw Dean watching her curiously. “Yeah, the memory exchange thing or whatever you want to call it is going okay. It's better to take it slow. I'm not the only one learning new things, you know? She's..we're...I'm getting a more whole picture and not all of it is funnel cakes and you screaming like a bitch on Splash Mountain.” The sudden memory of the dramatic drop and Dean just shrieking made her snort outloud.</p><p> </p><p>Dean's jaw dropped and he immediately denied it. “I did not!”</p><p> </p><p>“You really did. It was embarrassing.” Castiel spoke up, standing in the doorway. “Good afternoon Gwen. How are you feeling?”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen giggled with amusement, the angel swatting away the throw pillow Dean threw without much effort. “Way to make an entrance Castiel! I'm doing okay. I was telling Dean the melding thing isn't all positive so it's a careful process.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm not sure I want to know. There are events of the last few years I would rather no one knew. How detailed was this show?”</p><p> </p><p>“I told Sam, it wasn't on HBO so no real nudity or anything. But yeah, not everything is positive but it's not all negative. Like you with your manager's baby when you were human. Singing to try and calm her. Did that happen here?”</p><p> </p><p>“You? Singing?” Dean said incredulously looking at the angel in disbelief. “I don't remember this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, it happened. When the Rit Zien was reacting to any kind of pain as mortal. After the fall.” Castiel explained, sounding a bit embarrassed. “I wasn't performing a Broadway musical for the child.”</p><p> </p><p>“What song? Gwen, come on, what song was it?”</p><p> </p><p>She looked to the angel and could tell he was begging her not to tell Dean. “Sorry, I'm going to keep that to myself. Though I will say it was an appropriate song and a very sweet scene.” Then she paused, a memory coming to her that confused her because it had nothing to do with what they were talking about. “Wait, I went with you and Kelly to North Cove for the last few weeks of her pregnancy? I remember thinking it was so neat you went somewhere in the episode that I used to go to when I was a kid. Here, I mean, she was the one who came up with going there. We rented a house that my dad had rented one summer. Oh, we helped Kelly paint what was going to be Jack's room. It had been Jimmy's room that summer. You were reading every baby book you could.”</p><p> </p><p>Mentally she begged the other Gwen to slow down a bit, all the new memories were overwhelming in a jumble like that. She had to resist the urge to put her hand to her head so she wouldn't worry either Dean or Castiel. She was glad to be sitting down and not doing something potentially dangerous like driving. They seemed to be alike in that they tended to get excited about telling a story or sharing an experience so interruptions happened. With the other Gwen it was in the form of memories. The few weeks spent at North Cove before Jack's birth had been happy ones.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, that was when we were under the assumption that Jack would be born as an actual infant, not a fully grown man.”</p><p> </p><p>Then the memory of helping Castiel ward the cabin, the angel insisting on putting down every ward and every material possible to keep hellhounds at bay in case Lucifer or demons in general sent them, including goofer dust and catseye shells.</p><p> </p><p>Hellhounds.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen had a split second to remember that the sharing of memories went both ways and trying to block the other Gwen wasn't as easy if she was already distracted.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh no.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Dean POV</strong>
</p><p>Before Dean could ask her what she was remembering of that time when she'd been making house with Cas and Kelly while he and Sam were trying to take on the British Men of Letters without ending up dead, she stiffened and gasped, her hand going to her chest while the other went to her head. “Oh no no no. Please stop, don't look, you don't need to see! No, no no! Stop!”</p><p> </p><p>He moved quickly around the desk and turned her in the chair, kneeling before her. “Sweetheart, what? What is it?” He hesitated to touch her, not knowing if that might make things worse and looked to Cas was just as concerned. Whose memory was being experienced? The panic in her voice told him it could be nothing good. There were any number of bad things she could be remembering from the last couple years and if this show was a chronicle of their lives, even more. “Gwen?”</p><p> </p><p>She let out a sharp gasp, like she was in physical pain, her eyes opened and were filled with tears. “Eileen. Oh god. The hellhound! And poor Jo! You....oh god when your deal came due!” A gasping sob came from her and her shaking hand went to her mouth. “You were torn apart right in front of Sam! Oh god, you were torn apart just like Jimmy was!”</p><p> </p><p>He mentally cursed that show before he pulled her into his arms, glad she went willingly. He held her as tightly as he could as she sobbed against his chest. What could he say? It wasn't that bad? That would be a lie. He still flinched sometimes if he heard a particularly vicious sounding growl or bark. He never wanted to imagine what poor Eileen went through, trying to run from the beast that she couldn't see and couldn't hear besides. Sam had been so strong right when it happened. They just didn't have the time to mourn at the pace those British dicks were mowing through their fellow hunters and using their own mother to do it. It wasn't until later that his brother broke down, Gwen pulling him aside to find out just what she'd missed while she'd been at North Cove. Dean had seen through the open door her reaction, the way she'd cried and hugged Sam so hard in mourning for the lost Irish hunter.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen pulled back a few moments later, wiping at her eyes embarrassed even as she was still trembling from the overwhelming emotions. He had a feeling that somehow both Gwens were able to express their feelings at the same time and feeling empathy for each other. She was like Sammy that way, her ability to feel empathy for others had helped on more than one case and had made her an amazing mother to Jack but had also caused her so much pain at the same time. “Sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, no apologies. It's a lot to try and take in. It's one thing to be told something happened to someone but you saw it. Do me a favor?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” She sniffled.</p><p> </p><p>“Don't tell Sammy you saw what happened to Eileen. He doesn't need to think about how she died, seeing it happen to me was bad enough for the kid and we knew what was coming then. Eileen was a bad hit we never expected.”</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes glassed up again but she rubbed at her eyes before those tears could fall. “The show hinted at something between them, but it was more concrete here. I can't believe they only got that one night together. I really liked her.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean nodded. “I did too. She liked you too. Something about making me less of an asshole, I dunno.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen sniffled again and smiled a little, her eyes going distant for a moment. Their Gwen must have been sharing her memories of the brief time she got to know Eileen. “So she thought I was a miracle worker?”</p><p> </p><p>“Something like that, brat.” He teased gently. “Do you want Cas to use his grace to help you again?”</p><p> </p><p>She surprised him by shaking her head no. “I have to learn how to deal with this stuff on my own.” She gave Cas a weak smile. “Don't want to end up being a grace junkie or something.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't think that would happen but if you change your mind, I am more than willing to help you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know. Thank you.” She took a deep cleansing breath, giving Dean's hands a squeeze.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want some time to yourself? Selves?” He winced, feeling awkward in trying to word things. Technically there were two Gwens in there and no telling how long the melding thing would take or if it would. As much as he wanted to be attached to her hip just in case something happened again, he couldn't smother her. That wouldn't help anyone even though it would make him feel better about her safety, even in the Bunker. “You have a tendency to throw yourself into research when something doesn't make sense or you want a distraction. Maybe that would help you both figure out what is different from the show you watched and our reality? There's gotta be differences since we had you and the show didn't, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“I've noticed a few things already, yeah.” She gave him a soft smile that made him feel like he was standing on Everest. “Should I be afraid at how well you know me already?”</p><p> </p><p>“Only half as well as you know me. You read me like a book, one with pictures. Maybe even a pop up.”</p><p> </p><p>She giggled and gave his face an affectionate caress. He could have cried in joy with how familiar it was. His Gwen was there, she was right there. “I think it would help to try and figure out differences in timelines. We both have near eidetic memories but I should try and write down details from the episodes and stuff before I start getting them mixed up with this reality. There could be very important differences, like with what happened to Lucifer.”</p><p> </p><p>“And you can ask us any questions you want. We won't lie to you or keep anything from you. Right Cas?”</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely. You have always been one of the most truthful and forthright humans I have encountered, Gwen. I have no reason not to return the favor.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Castiel. That's a very flattering compliment.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean got up and went to a cabinet where Gwen kept a stash of her preferred notebooks and pens. “Here, this should get you started.” He put down five notebooks for her to start with and then opened the center drawer to show the selection of pens and highlighters she had, then one of the side drawers showing post it notes. He still didn't quite understand the way she organized research and both he and Sam figured it was some kind of genius Beautiful Mind kind of thing that made sense to her. “Do you need anything else?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sam said it would be okay for me to look at your Dad's journal. Do you guys keep one too? You didn't on the show.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sam tries his best to, though I've added to it here and there. You've been working on one yourself since everything when we first met to now. I think you add in stuff we tell you about as it comes up.” He moved to a shelf just behind her and pulled out the leather bound journal. “That should help you a bit.”</p><p> </p><p>She smiled and he could see how eager she was to get started. Research always made her feel better. He'd wondered if it was a form of OCD, the way she would almost retreat into books, the research seeming to calm her. If she could learn more about something she couldn't understand, that was half the battle in defeating it, she'd always argued. “I have my work cut out for me. Thanks.” She paused then. “You don't mind?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sweetheart, all I want is to help you. Both of you. Take your time, don't force it. Jack picked up some donuts on his walk, thought you might like some since it's been a while since you've had them. The chocolate should help you feel better. Lemme go grab a few for you before you get started. Cas can hangout for a bit, I'll just be a minute.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>He gave Cas a look before giving her a wink and heading out toward the kitchen, hoping Jack hadn't eaten all the donuts without thinking. He thought he had a bottomless stomach but it was nothing compared to that kid when it came to candy and sweets. He took a deep breath as he walked down the hallway, pushing away how her reaction to those memories was like when Rowena had reversed the spell that'd nearly wiped his memories. He'd all but relived his entire life, good and bad. Both Sam and Gwen had been concerned about the screaming they heard but Rowena had just explained it as magic often not being painless. In reality, the witch had literally been holding him while the memories returned. His lack of a childhood, Sam leaving for college, finding Dad just to lose him, all the times he'd died and all the times Sam had. All the pain, all the mistakes.</p><p> </p><p>But like Gwen had said, it wasn't all negative. It wasn't until he was fighting to keep his memories that he realized that he was in love with Gwen. He could still remember standing in that motel bathroom, staring at his reflection and trying to coach himself into remembering anything for more than a few minutes.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>My name is Dean Winchester. My brother's name is Sam. My mother's name is Mary. Castiel is my best friend. My girlfriend is Gwen and I love her. I love...”</em></p><p> </p><p>In struggling to remember his life, he'd realized how he felt about Gwen and then nearly forgot it. Maybe that was why he'd freaked so badly when they had found her in the woods and she'd been so confused, thinking she was dreaming and was actually dying. The idea of her forgetting their relationship, after everything they had managed to survive was like a knife to his chest.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Castiel POV</strong>
</p><p>Castiel waited until Dean had left the room before he turned back to Gwen who was still getting herself back under control with deep breathing exercises. The look Dean had given him before stepping out of the room told him that the hunter didn't quite believe that Gwen didn't actually need a dose of angel grace to calm herself and was just saying such for his benefit. It was something he'd seen both humans do several times, whether with each other or others. “Are you sure you don't want my help? I've done it before, not counting the other night after the spell. There's no shame in it.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen looked up at him with eyes that were pained and haunted but still strong. “I'm sure. This is just something more I need to get used to here. That both of us do. It won't be the last time, I'm sure. I appreciate you wanting to help me. Help us.”</p><p> </p><p>He stepped forward and squatted down in front of her like Dean had just been doing. “You are my family. There's nothing I wouldn't do to help you or keep you safe. That goes for both of you.”</p><p> </p><p>Her hands reached out and took his. “Thank you. You've always been a good adopted big brother.” She smiled a little. “I remember more of North Cove, you trying out new recipes and putting together Ikea furniture because if Kelly sat on the floor it took both of us to help her up?”</p><p> </p><p>He smiled at the memory. “I enjoyed that time too. I hope you will be able to focus on positive memories to outweigh the bad. I'm sure the television show wasn't all negative otherwise you would have run away from us.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm doing my best. Sometimes it's just so sudden, neither one of us can stop it. I think our shared curiosity is going to be a dangerous trait for a while.” She sighed. “That sounds completely mental but it's the truth. Is that what it's like when an angel takes a vessel? Did you and Jimmy Novac trade memories before he died? I always wondered.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just a few but not really. It is unfortunate but the brief time that Jimmy's soul was in this body before I was atomized the first time, he was mostly unconscious is the best way to understand it. It was easier that way, for him to be mostly passive.”</p><p> </p><p>“Because being an angel vessel was like being tied to a comet I think he said when you got yanked out and pulled back to Heaven for getting too close to the boys.”</p><p> </p><p>“Something like that. I regret what happened to him and his family all because he agreed to be my vessel. I'm thankful that Claire has been able to move on, though I wish she had chosen a safer vocation. Like landscaping or painting.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen giggled then, giving his hands a squeeze. “I think Claire would be able to find trouble no matter what job she went for. She's a smart girl and she could have ended up in a very dark place but thanks to you, the boys and Jody, she's saving lives.”</p><p> </p><p>“You had an impact on her as well. Can you remember?”</p><p> </p><p>He watched as her eyes went distant, curious himself to see exactly what memories their Gwen would offer up. “Oh wow, that's a big difference from the show. I mean, obviously there's no me but Claire here seems to reach out more.” She paused. “She's like a big sister to Jack?”</p><p> </p><p>Castiel nodded. “Yes, she is. Considering Jack chose to take after my vessel, effectively she and Jack look like siblings as well.”</p><p> </p><p>Her brow furrowed and she let go of his hands to go to the journal Dean had set out, easily flipping to the section she wanted. He stood to see it was her documenting when the pair had finally met after the return from Apocalypse World. “Oh wow they do.”</p><p> </p><p>“I come bearing donuts! Just be thankful that Sam is a weirdo health nut or there wouldn't be any left.” Dean came in, a half eaten donut in one hand and a box in the other. “Jack saved your favorites.”</p><p> </p><p>“I think you mean he probably bought two boxes to guarantee there would be some left over for the rest of us, right?” Gwen said easily, closing the journal and moving it aside. “At least two boxes.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean grinned, powered sugar covering his mouth. “Thatta girl. He got three.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>A knock on the door made her look up and she saw Jack standing nervously in the doorway. “Hi Jack.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hi. I wanted to check on you. Dean and Castiel said you were looking through your journal and your other work to try and familiarize yourself.” He held up his hands showing off a large bag of Reese's peanut butter cups along with two bottles of Pepsi. “Do you still like this as your research fuel?”</p><p> </p><p>She could feel the other Gwen's pride for Jack for his efforts to try and make her comfortable without overdoing it. No doubt his adopted fathers had all advised him to give her a bit of space so she could figure things out for herself. “Yeah I do. Helped me through two doctorates.” She cleared a space on the desk. “Thank you for bringing it as well as the donuts earlier. They were really good.”</p><p> </p><p>“You are welcome. Sometimes you get lost in research like Sam does. Dean taught me to recognize it and just make sure you two don't overdo it.”</p><p> </p><p>The affection she felt seemed pretty universal right then, not just from the part of her who had actually known Jack since he was born. She'd always liked the nephilim on the show, his naive sweet way but also his determination to prove himself. “That's something both of us have in common. My brother Jimmy and I had grad students who would do the same thing for us. This research is a bit different, obviously but it's helping. I remembered quite a bit about our trip to Disney World. I don't think Dean liked that I remembered how he screamed on Splash Mountain.”</p><p> </p><p>That made Jack crack a smile. “It was pretty loud. Sam said he sounded like a banshee.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen giggled. “I bet. I'll have to tell you about when Dean had ghost sickness, before you were born. He shrieked then too.”</p><p> </p><p>Jack tilted his head, much like Castiel did when he didn't understand something and making him look even more like the angel he'd chosen over Lucifer to be his father. She got a touch of memory of Sam teasing her that he couldn't figure out who Jack got the behavior from, either Castiel or her because she did it too. “You know that from the TV show?”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded and waved for Jack to come in and he took a seat across from her, setting down the tray. She had a feeling the boy spent a good amount of time in here with her, always curious and wanting to learn. “Yeah. I'll have to ask Sam about it because I don't think Dean will admit to it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Probably not. Can I ask you about the TV show? Was I on it a lot? Was my personality different?'</p><p> </p><p>“You were a main character, once you were born that is, on the show Jack and no, you weren't much different. You were the same sweet kid that you are. It showed the leader you proved yourself to be when you were in Apocalypse World, the way you kept Mary safe. You did so well, you really did.” She dismissed the last season of the show because here, it never happened. Dean never had to say yes to Michael, Jack never had his grace stolen by Lucifer and he never burned away his soul trying to do good. She would make sure she did everything she could to make sure nothing like that ever happened and felt the other Gwen's strong agreement.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.” He furrowed his brow. “I'm curious as to how I could be the same when that version of me didn't have you raising him. I would think your presence would make many things different.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I don't know. There are differences. In the show I watched, Castiel still didn't have his wings but here he does. In the show, Dean didn't have a girlfriend so he was a bit more of a ladies man. I'm still working out the differences.” She gestured for him to have some of the treat he'd brought her, realizing it was something they shared while in this study.</p><p> </p><p>“You always tell me that writing things down helps. You also said it was important for me to not have chicken scratch handwriting like Sam or Dean.” He paused, opening the bag of candy and handing her a few before working on opening one himself. Apparently they had managed to raise the nephilim to be quite the gentleman. “Does it bother you that I say you and not differentiate between the two souls?”</p><p> </p><p>Chewing on the candy, Gwen shook her head. It was a strange feeling to be overjoyed to have the treat again after so long and also know that she'd had it just days before the warlock had gotten her. “No, it doesn't bother me. I have to think of myself as one person just with extra memories for the melding thing to happen. Or at least to make things be less confusing for everyone else. But yes, handwriting is a skill that too many kids now don't have. Trust me, I had to decipher too many tests and quizzes from students with awful handwriting.”</p><p> </p><p>“I like Uncle Jimmy's handwriting. His notebooks are easy to read, I like them very much.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen tried not to react but failed, fumbling a little as she opened her Pepsi. Uncle Jimmy? She knew from Dean that Jack thought of her father like a grandfather even though her father had been gone over 15 years by the time he was born. But to think of her brother as an uncle? <em>Do you hear that Jimmy? Uncle!</em></p><p> </p><p>“Does that make you uncomfortable?” He asked shyly.</p><p> </p><p>“No, it just surprised me is all. My brother always wanted to be an uncle, so he could teach my kids how to drive me crazy.” She wondered what Jimmy would think of her being the adopted mother of the son of Lucifer. Something told her he would have done the same that she apparently had in refusing to judge the boy based only on who his biological father was. “I think he would have really liked having you as a nephew.”</p><p> </p><p>Jack smiled then. “You've told me that before. Dean was the first to refer to him as my uncle. Can you remember?”</p><p> </p><p>She relaxed rather than concentrated and let the other Gwen offer up the memory.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Who is this?”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen looked up from the book she'd been looking through trying to research the entity that Castiel had referred to as The Empty to find Jack seated on the floor with one of Jimmy's lore books in his lap and a photo that had somehow ended up within it's pages. It was one of her and Jimmy when she'd been just a toddler but oddly enough, older than the boy asking about the picture. Before she could answer, Dean did from his spot just a few feet away trying to find books that could potentially mention The Empty. While they were all overjoyed at Castiel's return, they needed to know more about this Empty entity/place and find out if it was a threat or not.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>That's your mom when she was just a kid and your Uncle Jimmy. Don't you see the resemblance?”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen almost felt her heart stop in shock. It was the very first time Dean had ever referred to her as Jack's mom without it being condescending or in denial and more than that, he referred to her brother as Jack's uncle like he was saying the sky was blue.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jack for his credit didn't bring attention to the marked difference in Dean's attitude but just looked at the picture closer. “Yes, I see it now. They have the same eyes. Smile too.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>You have that smile too, kid. Lemme ask something I've been wondering about. When you decided you couldn't be a baby because it wasn't safe, did you also actively choose how you were going to look?”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen stayed quiet, choosing to observe the interaction rather than affect it by interjecting. She saw Sam standing with Castiel in the doorway where the taller hunter just held his finger to his lips in agreement. They wanted to see where this could go too.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jack furrowed his brow and tilted his head, looking incredibly like Castiel as he gave serious thought to the question. “I knew that children were supposed to look like their parents, their biological parents. But my mother explained to me that Castiel and Gwen would be my parents in her place. I don't think I actively made the choice. Maybe passively?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dean shrugged. “Makes sense. You look just like Cas. Well, his vessel anyway.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Does that bother you?”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>It did. Not anymore though, not that he's back now.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>I didn't do it to try and bother you. I didn't know he was dead until after I was in the cell with Sam and Gwen, when they told me.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dean shrugged, closing the book he'd grabbed and going for another one. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Did it take time for Dean to accept me on the TV show?” Jack asked, throwing his wrappers in the small can by her desk.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen nodded. “Oh yeah. But it seems like when Castiel returned, he was actually willing to try and give you a chance. I'm guessing before that, things were pretty tense?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Dean was convinced that his mom was dead and I was going to be just like Lucifer. It was a difficult time.”</p><p> </p><p>She could feel the other Gwen agreeing and knew that those memories would need to be addressed sooner rather than later. A big part of this Gwen's life involved her relationship with Dean and being a mother to Jack. Those being in conflict with each other had to be hell.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's been a while since I posted, yikes! Unfortunately I'm still out on medical leave from work.....the joys of arthritis, fibromyalgia and a bad back. If anyone knows about a job I can do from home, that'd be awesome. 24 years on my feet has my body deciding to revolt!</p><p>Anywho...new chapter. Not a huge one but I wanted to post something for y'all!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Sam POV</strong>
</p><p>Sam knocked on the door after a minute watching Gwen seated at her desk and it felt like any other day. She didn't often retreat to her study except when something was really bothering her and she needed to focus. He'd given her credit that in the months Jack had been missing in the Apocalypse reality, she only retreated when she felt particularly overwhelmed with worry for the boy who she'd all but immediately come to love as her own son. He supposed it was some unconscious return to her old life, the one she'd had before she learned what was really going on in the world. Both he and Dean had been incredibly impressed with how she adapted to the hunter life but everyone needed an escape from it too. For her, it was books. For Dean, before he met Gwen, it had been seeing just how much abuse his liver could take.</p><p> </p><p>He'd expected to see Gwen pouring over her own journal as well as his dad's, Jack having brought it to her after he'd made sure she had something to eat. He enjoyed candy though not as much as Dean and Jack but when it came to peanut butter cups, Gwen put them both to shame. She would snack while she worked, amassing a pile of wrappers to her left. He somehow just expected the normal behavior to manifest even with the new soul.</p><p> </p><p>Instead, she was seated in her chair, not writing or reading though from the way her desk was covered, she'd been quite busy. Instead, she was staring at one of the unique pens she'd collected over the years, this one from when she'd insisted on taking Jack to the Kansas City zoo. While the trip had been a good one, leaving for it hadn't been positive thanks to Dean's incredible dickishness at the time. It would be nearly a month before Castiel miraculously returned to them. Jack, despite his appearance hadn't even been a month old at the time.</p><p> </p><p>“Gwen?” He started softly, not wanting to startle her. He waited a moment and tried again. “Gwen?”</p><p> </p><p>She only jumped a little before her eyes refocused and she turned her head to look at him. “Oh hey Sam. Sorry, I, we, were lost in a memory.” She held up the pen, one Jack had picked out because the feathers that sprang from the end of the pen were like that of the parrot he'd gotten to pet while they were there. “We had a good time at the zoo, didn't we?”</p><p> </p><p>He stepped in cautiously, the tone of her voice telling him that sadly, the trip had been a bit tarnished for her by the fight she and Dean had had beforehand. “Yeah we did. Jack had a really good time. I did too.”</p><p> </p><p>She sighed and put down the pen, her head dropping for a minute before she looked back up. “I don't know how she, how I held it together those weeks before Castiel came back. I mean, all the losses and taking on the responsibility of raising a child who was already grown but still a child? And...”</p><p> </p><p>“And dealing with Dean on top of it.” Sam added, not beating around the bush. Realistically, there were too many memories between the two souls that would end up revealing sad, horrific or disturbing details that the other soul had no idea of. Facing them head on was better than tip toeing around. “You were trying to be so strong but I could see how much you were hurting. So could he but he couldn't stop himself.”</p><p> </p><p>He remembered how he'd been looking over lore with Dean in the library which at that time meant he had all the books and Dean was working on his third beer. Gwen had walked in with Jack right behind her, both of them carrying overnight bags. <em>“Hey, since things are quiet, I'm going to take Jack on a fun overnight trip if you guys want to come. We're going to the Kansas City zoo so he can see some of the animals we've been learning about.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>I really want to see the giraffes.” Jack said with hope in his voice.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Seriously? You are taking the Anti-Christ to the zoo?” Dean said with a tone of disbelief and near disgust. “Yeah that's a smart idea. Totally not a potential disaster waiting to happen.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He opened his mouth to tell Dean to shut up but stopped when Gwen held up her hand. She turned to Jack and handed him her bag. “Honey, head to the garage please. Go for the blue Camry, that's my car. Don't worry, I'll be right behind you. Go on, it's okay.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sam had seen the way her hand had lowered and formed a fist after Jack had headed for the garage and he had fully expected Dean was going to get the broken nose from his girlfriend that he deserved the moment he'd shoved her away in North Cove, causing her to get a minor concussion when her head hit the dresser.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>At least in Sam's opinion, she needed to break his nose for that at the very least. Dean hadn't apologized nearly enough for his action and that was a very bad precedent, both brothers rather in favor of beating the shit out of guys who hurt women.</p><p> </p><p>She took a deep breath before she turned toward Dean and instead of hitting him, told him off without raising her voice at all. He remembered being glad he wasn't the one getting told off and later, Dean admitted that he'd probably never forgive himself for making her feel the way he had, especially that day.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Dean, I'm fucking done with your attitude, I really am. I love you and nothing is going to make me stop loving you, but right now I really don't like you very much. I know you are still struggling and surprise, so is Sam and so am I. I don't know why that doesn't register for you. You aren't the only one who misses Castiel, you narcissistic prick. He and I promised Kelly that we would take care of her baby, protect him and raise him like our own, no matter the dangers. Teach him to be more than just the son of Lucifer.” </em></p><p> </p><p>She had paused and Sam's heart had broken as she fought to keep her emotional control. He hadn't seen her cry much in the last few weeks and he wondered how much she'd kept hidden for his sake as well as Jack's.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>And now, now, I have to keep that promise alone. I have to raise that boy, that boy who is only a few weeks old, the way I promised to Kelly. The way Castiel and I talked about. The way....the way he never got a chance to do but was actually really looking forward to.” </em>She'd angrily wiped away a tear, her jaw clenching. <em>“I'm not going to break that promise to either Kelly or Castiel because you can't get your head out of your ass and see that you are not the only fucking person in this Bunker who has lost people they cared about recently.” </em>She stood straight and swallowed, taking a deep breath. “<em>We'll probably spend the weekend. Enjoy your wallowing.”</em></p><p> </p><p>She'd turned on her heel and stalked out of the room then and Sam honestly wouldn't have been surprised if she'd left smoke in her wake because the amount of control she'd shown had told him just how angry she was. Weeks of Dean being so negative not just about their own mother's potential survival in that wasteland despite Lucifer being there with her but not giving Jack one single chance or showing support to anyone but the local beer vendors.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He'd stood up, deciding this was one thing he wasn't going to back his brother on. Dean could have argued it wasn't safe to take Jack out into the world like a normal kid but it wasn't fair to keep him locked up in the Bunker like a prisoner when he hadn't even done anything wrong. “She's right and you know it. I'm going with them, I'll keep them safe.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He hadn't given Dean a chance to respond, if he had even tried, and had managed to catch Gwen just before she got to the garage. The former professor had stopped to get a hold on her emotions from the soft sniffle he heard. “Gwen! Gwen wait!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It probably hurt that he was the one to run after her, that Dean hadn't even made a move to try. “Sam, don't try to defend him to me. I just, I can't. I just can't.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He'd shook his head. He wasn't going to defend Dean, not on this. “No, I can't defend him. I was hoping I could go with you? It's been a while since I've been to a zoo and it's a first for Jack, I'd like to be a part of that. If it's okay with you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She'd paused and her eyes studied him. “And I'm guessing you are going to help keep us safe too?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yeah. But mostly for the other stuff. Please?” He'd stepped forward, slowly. “I want to help with Jack. For Kelly and Cas. For you. You don't have to do this alone.”</em></p><p> </p><p>His mind was taken from the memory to see almost the same expression on Gwen's face now as there had been in the hallway. Her chin trembling as she struggled to keep from crying. “Gwen?”</p><p> </p><p>“All she, all I wanted was to have Cas and your mom back so I could have Dean back too.” A tear escaped, rolling down her cheek. “I just wanted to do what Kelly and Cas would have wanted. I wanted to share it...and he...” She sucked in a breath. “God, it felt like she was losing Dean and he was right there.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam could never take Gwen's tears and he moved into the room, closing the door behind him and pulled her from her chair and into his arms. It was what he had done in that hallway too. “I know, Gwen. I felt the same way.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, hugging her tight. How many more memories shared between the two souls would leave her upset like this? “But you fought through it. You have been such an amazing mom to Jack, just like Kelly knew you would be. Dean came back to us and so did Cas. No matter what happens, our family finds a way to stay together.”</p><p> </p><p>She sniffled, her small arms like little vices around him. Gwen was never one to hold back when it came to hugging, something he'd immediately appreciated about the former professor. “I'm sorry I'm such a mess with all of this. The way our memories work as is and the melding thing. Twice the emotional reaction. It's just so much. I'm not such a crybaby normally.”</p><p> </p><p>He'd wagered as much. For the Gwen he knew, it was actually seeing what they had only told her about on top of stuff they never wanted her to know about. Not to mention all crap they themselves didn't want to remember. For the other Gwen, it was coming to grips with it no longer being a TV show. All the horrible things she'd seen, or most of them at least, were reality here.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, you don't need to apologize to me Gwen. Not ever. What I care about, what Jack and Cas and Dean care about is that you came home to us. And you saved another you at the same time, all with very little help beyond a dead Wendigo.” He pulled back a little so he could look down at her. “Now do you see why Garth calls you Lady Winchester?”</p><p> </p><p>She chuckled at that, one arm moving so she could wipe at her face before she moved back to rest her head against his chest. “And here I thought it was because I was a decent shot.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>Gwen wondered if she would continue to feel things so intensely or if that was just a temporary thing until this whole two souls in one body thing worked itself out. It was strange how much they were alike, the Gwen from this reality and herself despite being from different realities. Where she'd had to watch Jimmy waste away slowly before he died, this Gwen had spent a year in England as a guest professor at Oxford before returning in time to meet the Winchesters and learn the truth of the world.</p><p> </p><p>It was harder for her to reconcile what she knew from what had been a show as reality. Castiel really was an angel. Angels were real. Jack really was barely 3 years old despite looking like he could have been of her former students. Sam had been the vessel for Lucifer and spent time in Hell, as had Dean. Those things weren't plot devices, they happened.</p><p> </p><p>What she couldn't figure out was why the two realities seemed to go in drastically different directions once everyone evacuated Apocalypse World. Instead of Michael and Lucifer finding their way back here and the fallout from that, they had been sealed away for eternity. She was slowly learning that some events afterwards were somewhat similar including the case involving the witch that was magically sucking the life out of young girls via an amulet.</p><p> </p><p>And something had happened to Jack that had led to a similar turn of events involving Lily Sumner, the former angel hunter. That had been one particular memory that the other Gwen seemed not ready to share. Not yet anyway.</p><p> </p><p>She'd felt embarrassed, enough for two, at her breaking down in Sam's arms over the memory of how bad things were in the time from when Jack was born and Cas had been dead to the angel's miraculous return. She knew she'd just begun to understand it from the perspective of the other Gwen who had lived it. At the time, it must have felt like it would never get better.</p><p> </p><p>She'd gone to wash up and everything for dinner, Sam gently teasing that Dean had taken over the kitchen of the Bunker like he was the love child of Emeril and Gordon Ramsey, intent on creating an amazing meal to celebrate her return. “He's never done that for me when I've come back you know. First time I just got pizza and wings.”</p><p> </p><p>That had made her chuckle a little, pushing back the memory of how destroyed Dean had been the first time Sam died, stabbed in the back by Jake who'd also been visited by Azazel as a baby. “Well, I am cuter than you, Gigantor.”</p><p> </p><p>That had made him actually grin, something she had a feeling this Gwen saw more that she had seen on the show in the later seasons. “By just about this much.” He held his fingers just barely apart.</p><p> </p><p>Looking at her reflection in the mirror, she relaxed while the other Gwen apologized in a way by showing her the positive memories that came with going to the zoo with Jack. The wonder in his eyes at seeing the various animals up close was a beautiful thing. It was hard to believe he was only two weeks old as he told Sam about learning that the Egyptian pharoah Menes who was reportedly killed by a hippo while they watched one play with a beach ball in the water.</p><p> </p><p>Something they would both have to remember was that for all the bad, there was also a lot of good.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam POV</strong>
</p><p>Sam made his way into the kitchen where Dean was still cooking away, making the kitchen feel like it had when everyone from Apocalypse World was still living in the Bunker. From the looks of it, they were going to have enough food to last for weeks. It was a bit of overcompensation for his stress dealing with the two soul situation but at least it was healthier than seeing how much he could drink or fight before passing out.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you manage to tear her, them, away from the research?” Dean asked without looking, checking on one pot before going to stir what looked like sauce in another.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, kinda. She was experiencing a memory.”</p><p> </p><p>It must have been his tone of voice that gave it away because Dean stopped cold and turned. “What memory?”</p><p> </p><p>“The trip to the zoo with Jack, when he was just a couple weeks old.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean sighed, his jaw clenching. His head dropped before he spoke. “And I'm guessing the fight before it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“How bad? Is she okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Dean had told him about Gwen's breakdown earlier, their Gwen accessing her memories involving hellhounds. The TV show had shown Dean's death in great detail it seemed, leaving Gwen sobbing in his arms at the sight. It was one thing to be told someone was torn apart by hellhounds but to actually see it was another. He pushed away the mental images of poor Eileen in that South Carolina morgue to answer. “Yeah, she will be. It's a lot to take in. To have twice the emotions on top of what her memory is like normally? I can't even imagine it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can. To a degree anyway.” Dean muttered.</p><p> </p><p>“When Rowena took that memory curse off you? It was that bad?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sammy, I know you two heard me screaming, yes, it was that bad.” He shook his head, turning back to a pot that threatened to boil over and turned down the flame. “We just have to try and be there for her, for them, while they, she, works through it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, okay. It's all we can do. Need help with anything?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nah I'm good. Jack is grabbing dessert and then he's going to help me finish. Wanna grab Cas and start setting the table out in the library? Make it look good, fancy even. That will be a good distraction from bad memories.”</p><p> </p><p>“And it saves you from having to do it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bingo baby brother. Get a move on, I'm almost done.”</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Apologies in not posting in so long. Real life continues to get in my way. Still out on medical because of my back etc and pretty much unemployed now because of it. Totally sucks.</p><p>This is an itty bitty tiny chapter. I'm trying my best to write more but I don't want to post crap, so please be patient.</p><p>Thanks for sticking around and reading.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Gwen POV</strong>
</p><p>As Gwen made her way down the hall toward the library and the heart of the Bunker, she couldn't help but think about how different her life was going to be than what she thought just a couple days ago. Instead of slowing fading away in a hospital bed with no one by her side, she was surrounded now by people who cared for her. Yes, she wasn't technically their Gwen but whatever the melding thing that Rowena had talked about was, it was working. She was remembering things without much effort from the other Gwen and the boys seemed more than willing to accept her. Hopefully it would continue to go well.</p><p> </p><p>As well as things could go for the Winchesters that is.</p><p> </p><p>What she didn't expect when she turned into the library was to see one of the tables redone to look like it had been transported from someone's dining room. She stopped short, her mind flashing with the memory of the episode where John Winchester had been temporarily reunited with his family. The Winchesters had shared one happy family dinner before unfortunately having to set things back to normal.</p><p> </p><p>Normal for them, anyway.</p><p> </p><p>But now she was being hit with flashes of memories that told a much different story.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Don't you move.” The figure that had just wiped the floor with Sam and Dean muttered, a gun just barely discernible in the red emergency lights of the bunker. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen moved quickly and cocked her own gun, her sights on the back of his head. “I think that's my line, motherfucker. Drop the gun. Drop it or I will end you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Before the man could make his decision, the lights came back on and Sam was quick to choke out. “Gwen, don't. It's okay.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She looked to Dean, confused because his eyes were impossibly wide and he looked utterly speechless but managed to say one word. “Dad?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She lowered her gun though she didn't put the safety back on and circled around, just like the boys taught her, keeping her eye on the intruder and not giving him a chance to lash out at her if he was so inclined. And there in front of her was a man that she'd only ever heard of in stories and seen in pictures, John Winchester. “Oh my god.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Dean? Sam?” He questioned, his fierceness of just moments ago disappeared into confusion as he looked around. “What in the hell?” As the boys got up, he questioned further. “Sammy? Aren't you supposed to be in Palo Alto?”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen looked to Sam confused. Why would John think Sam was still at Stanford? That was ages ago.</em>
</p><p>“<em>Palo Alto?” He said, just as confused as everyone seemed to be in the Bunker at the moment.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>What happened to you?” John asked.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Just as Gwen realized what the problem was, Dean beat her to it. “What year is it?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>2003.” John answered easily with a touch of a scoff.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Holy shit. Had the pearl done this? Brought John through time from 2003, which ironically was the year before she'd met Sam in that history class out at Stanford?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>It's 2019.” Sam corrected nervously. </em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>No.” John said with a touch of horror, no doubt connecting how his sons looked now to how he remembered them. “How?”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She couldn't help it and spoke up. “Mr. Winchester,” she said respectfully as she put the safety back on her gun and tucked it into the back of her pants for the time being. “I think we summoned you.” She looked to Dean who looked utterly stricken. When he picked up the pearl, somehow his father must have been on his mind. Maybe thanks to Bart Kemp, the hunter they had avenged who had also been a friend of John Winchester back in the day.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>John paused and then with a bit of determination spoke. “You boys better tell me what the hell is going on right now.” He looked at her. “And let's start with who you are?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I'm Gwen Baylor.” She held out her hand. “Sam and Dean saved my life a couple years back.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>As John took her hand, Dean spoke. “She's my girlfriend, Dad.” Then he put his hand on her shoulder. “Wasn't Jack in the dungeon looking for that book about the pearl?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen stiffened, letting go of John's hand. “Shit. The summoning probably brought down the emergency door. I'll go get him.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Who is Jack?” John questioned before stopping short. “You have a dungeon?”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>That's a little complicated, Dad.” Sam spoke up with his eyes locked on his father. “Why don't we sit you down, start explaining things and Gwen, you can go get Jack, explain to him what's going on so he doesn't worry.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She couldn't imagine how the hell the boys were going to be able to explain this to their father. Hey Dad, we're raising Lucifer's son. That was going to go over like a lead balloon. “Yeah okay.” She looked to Dean and raised her eyebrow in silent question.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>It's okay. Go get Jack.”</em></p><p> </p><p>Then remembering how completely terrified Jack was about meeting John, the stories and legends about the man who had helped make Sam and Dean the hunters they were foremost on his mind.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>He's not going to understand.” Jack anxiously said, pacing back and forth in the dungeon. “Sam and Dean's father of all people is not going to see me as anything but Lucifer's son. It took Dean forever to accept me, his dad is never going to give me a chance. I should stay here, not make problems.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Honey, stop.” Gwen moved to block his path and put her hands on his arms giving them a squeeze. “He's going to trust his sons when they explain the details and more than that, once he meets you, he's going to see you are not Lucifer's son. You are our son. Okay?” She reached up and touched his face. “I love you and you are so brave. I know you can do this and I know the boys want their dad to meet you.”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jack took a breath, covering her hand with his. “Okay Mom.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>You have nothing to be scared of. Sam and Dean will explain things and I'll be right there.”</em></p><p> </p><p>And by more than a minor miracle, John seemed to accept the explanation. The look on his face when Sam quietly told his father, “<em>He was never Lucifer's. He's our son, Dad. He's a Winchester” </em>was one of utter amazement. Given the life he had led since that horrible night Mary died, he probably never thought the boys would have a chance to be fathers, especially given Sam's supposed destiny thanks to the demon blood.</p><p> </p><p>“Gwen, what is it?” Castiel looked up from where he had been helping Sam finish setting the table. “A new memory?”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded, moving carefully to sit down before more of the encounter could hit her. “Yes. When the boys brought John here from 2003 with that pearl. It happened very differently from the show.”</p><p> </p><p>Then there was a flash of the dinner, Dean bragging about how Gwen had helped exorcise a demon the first time she encountered one, namely Jael during the wake for Asa Fox. Then Gwen teasing Dean about the incident with the two bimbos who were trying to bring their mother back from the dead and had spelled him to think he was in love with them to get the Black Grimoire.</p><p> </p><p>Then a separate feeling of sadness, watching the boys have to say goodbye to their father. His continued presence there would undo everything they had done as hunters, all the lives saved. More though, without their interaction with God and the Darkness, Mary would never be brought back and without them knowing about the book her brother had purchased from Syria, they wouldn't be there to save her from being killed by rugarus along with her brother. Jack would potentially never be born and at the very least wouldn't be raised by them.</p><p> </p><p>She had tried to apologize, feeling guilty that John couldn't stay in part because of her. John had stepped forward and taken her hands with his.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>No apologies are needed. Really. I'm a pretty quick study. I see how much you love my boys and how you take care of them. It's good they have you. You just keep doing what you do, even if it means kicking Dean's ass a bit to get him to listen. That's something he gets from me, I'll admit. I'm glad I had a chance to meet you.”</em></p><p> </p><p>Then Sam destroyed the pearl and John just faded away. She'd moved to comfort Dean who still had tears streaming down his face while Sam went to Mary. He'd hugged her so tight, she'd swear she'd have bruises but that night it didn't matter.</p><p> </p><p>“Gwen?”</p><p> </p><p>She looked up, lost in the memory to see Dean walking in with a tray of food, Jack behind him with another. “Hey. I'm okay. Just more memories. Meeting your dad.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean paused and nodded with a smile that didn't quite go to his eyes. “I'm guessing it went a bit different on the TV show huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“More than a bit. The TV show didn't have him meeting Jack or me holding a gun on him. I can't believe I had a gun on your dad.” She had a hard time thinking of herself holding a gun on anyone, let alone John friggin Winchester. But she had a sense from the other Gwen that making use of guns as well as killing with them was something that she'd had to learn to do not just to protect herself but to help the boys. The demon she'd killed to save Dean a couple days after Jack was born was just one example.</p><p> </p><p>“He was impressed with you for that. I mean, he kicked our asses but he never even heard you coming up behind him.” Sam added. “What else was different?”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen relaxed rather than concentrated and let the memories surface. “On the show, your mom just accepted that it was your dad. Like immediately went to him. Always thought that was strange for a woman who was a hunter nearly her entire life.”</p><p> </p><p>The brothers shared a look. “She didn't even question it? Our mother?” Dean said incredulously as he and Jack got to putting the food they brought in down on the table. “She questions everything. She didn't even hesitate that night and we were both so distracted by Dad, you were the one who moved to stop her before she did anything.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>That was the point, right? Get the thing that killed Mom?” John said with a bit of sadness as he learned just how his long vendetta finally ended. Of course, Azazel had just been a cog in the machine that had been the Apocalypse, but he had been the one to go into Sam's nursery and feed him demon blood as well as kill Mary.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen closed her eyes for a moment with the thought of her. John had no idea that Mary was alive, that the Darkness had brought her back in thanks for Dean's effort to reconcile her with her brother, Chuck. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yeah, uh, Dad, about Mom...” Sam started but was interrupted.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Sam? Dean?” Mary's voice rang out from down the hall. “Gwen? Where is everybody?”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>John's eyes grew impossibly wide and he nearly dropped the glass in his hand. “Mary?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>They all looked to where Mary Winchester had just turned the corner. She stopped short and then faster than any of them could have expected, pulled her gun. “Get away from my boys, monster!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gwen was closest and moved quick to nearly tackle Mary, doing her best to pin her arms, hoping the experienced hunter wouldn't end up kicking her ass. “Mary! Mary! No! Stop! It's not a monster. It's John. It's really John.” She struggled with the woman, Jack thankfully coming over and managing to take Mary's gun away.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Mom, stop! It's Dad, we checked!”</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Mary stopped struggling and looked to Gwen with an incredulous look. “It's...it's really him? You're sure?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>We did all the tests. Twice. I made sure the boys weren't in danger.” Gwen murmured in sympathy for the woman. She didn't ask the boys because obviously they had a blindspot when it came to their father. Gwen didn't have that so Mary knew she would tell the truth without bias. “It's him. I promise you, it's really him.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“Wow.” Gwen breathed. “I can't believe I managed to get away without your mom kicking my ass.”</p><p> </p><p>“You two aren't exactly besties but she knows that you wouldn't do anything that would endanger us.” Dean said. “Come on, let's get some food in you. Something more than donuts and peanut butter cups.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen stood up from where she'd sat down to move to where dinner was going to be held. “I can't believe I just heard you say that. Who are you and what did you do with Dean?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam snorted. “I was just thinking the same thing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shaddap both of you.” Dean growled with a roll of his eyes.</p>
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